


Their love was kind of a South Side fairy tale story

by Zabn



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bottom Ian, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Language, M/M, Post-Canon, Rape at gunpoint, Smut, Terry is dead, Violence, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-10-19 00:03:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 56,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10627971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabn/pseuds/Zabn
Summary: When they parted ways four years ago, Ian and Mickey still had a glimpse of hope that one day they would end up together or at least see each other again, but as the years went by, their hopes started to fade and became more and more distant. They were living their lives without each other, Ian on the South Side of Chicago and Mickey somewhere in Mexico. Both man were trying to accept the fact that maybe after all, they just weren't meant to be. On Ian's 25th birthday they ran into each other, but were they ready to deal with their past, were they ready to say hello again and risk another goodbye?





	1. Everything was great, wasn't it?

That was supposed to be a great day, 'cause it was his 25th birthday, but Ian felt not great at all, to be honest he felt like shit. Since a couple of days he had this odd feeling, as if something was going to happen, something big, something that would turn his whole world upside down. He tried to focus on work and other shit, but he couldn't shake that damn feeling off, no matter how hard he tried. The last three nights were the worst, he could barely sleep 'cause his brain didn't want to shut down, and when he finally fell asleep, a few moments later he woke up with a start, drenched in sweat. Ian thought it would be better to get those symptoms checked, so he called the clinic to make an appointment, maybe his meds needed a new adjustment or some shit like that.

Ian laid in bed with his eyes fixed on the ceiling, feeling exhausted and tired as fuck, but he decided to get up, he couldn't sleep anyway. He moved his feet over the edge of his bed, tilted his head back and sighed "Fuck". Ian got up from the bed, stretched his arms over his head and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He shuffled to the bathroom, when his eyes met the mirror, he saw his bloodshot red and dark circled eyes. "Jesus, I look like shit" he thought, brushing his teeth and he turned his back on the mirror, he couldn't stand to look at his reflection. The redhead rinsed his mouth with water and he splashed some cold water in his face, hoping he could wash away his shitty appearance. He dried his face with a towel and left the bathroom without another look in the mirror. After putting on some sweatpants and a shirt, he headed downstairs, wanting to go for a run, maybe some fresh air would clear his mind, at least a little. The rest of the Gallagher family was still sound asleep, it felt kinda awkward when the house was that quiet, but Ian was thankful as fuck that no one was up that early. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone and he didn’t want to feel those worried glances on him yet, he wanted to be alone for just a little while, so Ian decided to quickly get the hell out of there, he grabbed a jacket and his shoes and went out the front door. While he put on his jacket and laced his shoes, he took a few deep breaths and his lung filled with fresh cold November air. He put on his headphones and started the music, as soon as the music was filling his ears and brain he started to run, he would go wherever his feet would take him. Deep down Ian already knew where this would be, they would carry him to the High School bleachers.

_"Our spot, man."_

Ian arrived there a little winded, he stooped down and placed his hands on his knees and puffed. When he catched his breath again, he straightened up and his eyes were looking nervously around, as if they were searching for something or someone, but there was no one, he was all alone. He startled when he heard a noise, suddenly he had the feeling that he wasn't as alone as he thought.

    “ _You're under my skin man, the fuck can I do?”_

Ian's heart started pounding like mad, it felt like it was about to burst at any minute. Could it be him? Ian hid behind the corner and peeked around, curious who was out there so early in the morning. “Jesus.Fucking.Christ.” Ian breathed when he saw who the initiator of the noise was. It was a fucking little stray cat, Ian couldn't hold back his laughter. “Damn Kitty I almost crapped my pants ‘cause of you. Fucking pussycat.” Ian burst out laughing again. The cat looked baffled at the redhead and meowed, but it didn't run away. Ian shook his head, climbed over the fence, walked up to the little stray cat and petted it. “Sorry buddy, I don't have anything to eat for you.” Ian said softly to the little fur ball, the cat meowed as an answer and ran away. Ian shook his head hardly noticeable, went under the bleachers and sat down. He grabbed the cigarette pack from his jacket, pulled out one cigarette and lighted it, he took a few deep puffs. It was kind of pathetic how bad he wished that Mickey had been around the corner and not that fucking cat. He leaned his head against an iron pole, closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. Every now and then he allowed himself to think about him, Mickey, probably the best thing he ever had. He allowed himself to let the feelings wash over him and sometimes those feelings were so unpredictably strong that he could hardly breathe.

   “ _Ian, we’re one step from the finish line.”_

   “ _Don't do this.”_

_"Then get in the fucking car!”_

He could hear Mickey's shaking voice in his head, he remembered like it was yesterday when his ex-boyfriend broke out of prison and fled to Mexico. Ian still knew every single word they had spoken on that trip, he remembered every second they ever had together. He could still feel Mickey’s skin pressed against his own, he could still taste Mickey’s soft lips. He still remembered the way Mickey smelt, god he loved how he smelt.

    _"You love Mickey? I like how he smells."_

Those memories almost made Ian’s heart shatter into thousands of little pieces again. It was still hurting physically and mentally to think about Mickey and the love they shared for each other. Ian always thought Mickey and him would end up together, after all the shit they went through, he believed that they deserved a fucking happy end, but the years went by and those hopes and dreams became smaller and more distant. The redhead didn't even know if Mickey was still in Mexico, if he was doing fine or if he even was still alive. Hot tears were now pooling his green eyes, they slowly rolled down his freckled cheeks, leaving wet marks behind. “Fuck.” he muttered and pressed his balms against his eyes trying to press the fucking tears back into his eyes.

Fiona said he would be better off without him, she said he did a fucking great job without him and Mickey would only set a match to his new "good and stable" life. Lip meant he would forget him, he would find someone better than Mickey Milkovich. They were sure that he would find someone new, who would make him happy and he would find someone new he would love.

Somehow they were right, he found David, he was nice, sweet, hot, and a really really great guy, Ian liked David a lot, but after all he was no Mickey. What he felt for David was so different compared to what he felt for Mickey. Besides his family, the fucking South Side thug was the only person Ian ever truly loved with all his heart. Mickey was his first love, he was the love of his goddamn life, he had no doubt about that. Their love was passionate and raw, it wasn't perfect, God it was a far cry from perfect. It was a fucking mess, whenever something good happened, the bad wasn't far behind, but their love was deep and fucking real. After all he went through with Mickey, how could he ever find something comparable, it was kind of a fucking South Side fairytale story, they found love in that goddamn hopeless fucked up place. Ian's heart was still crying for Mickey, though he wished so bad he could let all of this behind. He wanted to finally move on and not just pretend he did so, but the ghost of their love never stopped haunting him.

_"I can't get him out of my head."_

The Gallaghers thought that he got his shit together, that Ian was stable, seemed to be the fucking most important thing to them, but Ian had always been good at hiding his real feelings and he did a fucking great job at pretending. They wanted him to be happy, so he was fucking happy. He didn't want Fiona, Lip and the rest of the kids to be worried about him, they had to deal with their own shit.

Ian rubbed his face to get rid of this thoughts and to put everything back together in his mind. That day was supposed to be a good day, it was his fucking birthday, so no more thinking about his lost love and what could've been. He wiped over his eyes with his right sleeve, took a deep breath and stood up. As soon as he finished to brush the dust of his sweatpants, he made his way back home. Half on the way, his phone went off, he got a text from David "Happy 25th Birthday hun, cu 2n8. xx D". Ian smiled a little at his phone and reminded himself "David's great". He decided to blast his ears and brain with music again and put on his headphones.

When Ian entered the house through the backdoor, Fiona was standing in the kitchen, making some pancakes for breakfast.  
"Hey sweetface. Happy Birthday." she spread her arms and pulled him in a tight Fiona-hug.  
"Thanks, Fi." Ian hugged her back and gently stroked her back.  
“Everything fine? You look a little...tired." she scanned his face with that worried glance Ian hated.  
"Don't worry Fiona, I'm fine, had just trouble to fall asleep last night." he shrugged.  
"Okay.." she said softly and nodded but that worried look stayed on her face.  
"Really, I'm fine." Ian forced a smile. She was apparently not convinced and opened her mouth again, but before she could say anything, Lip rushed through the back door and hugged Ian "Yo, Happy Birthday, little brother".  
Fiona went back to the stove and continued making pancakes, still the concerned look in her eyes.  
Lip took a step back from Ian and stated "Damn you look like shit, everything good?" Fiona shoot a glance at Lip and knitted her eyebrows, but she stayed quiet.   
“Thanks, asshole, just had trouble to fall asleep last night, my brain didn’t want to shut off, had quite a lot on my mind.." Ian growled and rubbed his face.

Lip was starting to get concerned, he knew those signs. "Something wrong with the meds?" he asked as coolly as he could manage.  
"Maybe.. I don't know.. I already called the clinic and made an appointment.. so don't worry guys..I got this" Ian assured and smiled a little at his siblings. Lip nodded a little, but his eyes still looked worried at his younger brother.  
"You got work today?" Lip asked and scratched his nose.  
"Yeah.. shit I'm already running late." Ian startled when he noticed the time.  
"Okay, hurry up I'll give you a ride, man." Lip chuckled and sat down at the kitchen table.  
"Thanks, just taking a quick shower, I'll be ready in 10." Ian shouted, running upstairs.  
Lip turned his head towards Fiona "You think everything's fine? He seems exhausted and I don't know maybe a little upset. You noticed something?" he questioned his sister.  
"I don’t know, I've hardly seen him the last couple days, but David didn't mention anything, the last time we talked. Lip, don't worry, he said he already made an appointment at the clinic. He got this." Fiona said, not sure if she tried to convince herself or Lip.  
"Okay, but keep an eye on him, okay?" Lip sighed, Fiona nodded and smiled a little.

Ian’s workday passed by really quickly, much to his liking. Back home, he jumped under the shower, to wash away the sweat and smell from his workday. While he was dressing, he heard that someone entered the house.  
"Yo, anybody home?" David yelled from the living room.  
"I'm upstairs, getting ready." Ian shouted back. David headed upstairs to his boyfriend, Ian was standing in his room naked from the waist up.  
"Great view." David whistled and stepped up to the redhead.  
He kissed Ian and whispered "Happy Birthday." against his lips.  
"Thanks." Ian smiled and licked his lips.  
"You better get dressed now, 'cause tonight I'm taking you out to “Oscar's”, my dear." David announced with a proud smile. Ian’s face beamed up, “Oscar's” was that new fancy restaurant on the North Side, and Ian loved date nights with David, he quickly put on a green button down shirt.  
"How do I look?" Ian asked played innocently.  
David rolled his eyes, but smiled, he pecked Ian on the lips and said "You look fabulous as always, Ian. Now hurry up, we're already a little late." Ian smirked, the odd feeling he had the last passed days was forgotten. David always managed to make Ian feel special, everything was so easy with him, they talked and laughed a lot and the sex was also pretty good.

When they got out of the Uber Ian almost squeaked in excitement "Holy shit, this place is fancy as fuck David, it's amazing." Ian beamed at David.  
"I'm glad you like it." David said softly and pecked Ian's cheek. They entered the restaurant and Ian suddenly got washed over with that odd feeling again. His smile faded, he knitted his eyebrows and nervously chewed on his bottom lip. David recognized the sudden change in Ian’s mood and asked if everything was alright. Ian forced a smile and nodded reassuring at him. A waitress guided them to their table, they sat down and the waitress disappeared quickly to bring them the menu. Ian was looking around impressed by the atmosphere of that place, as a beautiful blond woman in a blue dress caught his eye, she looked kinda familiar.  
"Mandy?" Ian whispered scarcely audible. Holy shit was that Mandy fucking Milkovich? David looked up from the menu to Ian with one of his eyebrows raised, Ian noticed David’s glance and said "Shit, I think this is Mandy over there.. I haven't seen her in months, do you mind if I go and say hello?"  
"No of course not, but hurry up, we've got something to celebrate!" David smiled and winked.  
"Yeah, it won't take long." Ian replied while he stood up. "Be right back." he leaned down to David and placed a quick kiss on his cheek, David smiled again and looked back on the menu. Ian headed to the blond woman that might be Mandy.

Ian tapped the women on the shoulder and asked quietly "Mandy?".  
She turned around and her face lit up as soon as she recognized him "Ian, holy shit, what are you doing here?" They hugged each other tightly and she placed a kiss on Ian’s cheek.  
"How are you, damn you look great!" Ian eyed her up.  
"Oh shut up.. What you doing here in this fucking fancy place?" Mandy blushed a little under Ian's glance and smirked.  
"Uh, it's my birthday and David took me here to celebrate." Ian shrugged and looked down to his feet.  
"Shit, really? Happy Birthday, asshole!" she laughed and hugged him again.  
"Thanks Mands, so what brings you here, work?" he asked curiously not quite sure if she still worked as an escort.  
"Uh no...uh actually...uh I'm here with uh.." she stuttered and before she could finish her sentence, Ian looked in those bright blue eyes of the man he once loved so much. There he was.. Mickey fucking Milkovich, beautiful and stunning as ever, only with blond hair now.  
“Gallagher?" Mickey almost shouted in disbelieve.  
"Mickey.." Ian said his name so quiet that he wasn't even sure if he spoke it out loud or just thought it.

_"Miss me?”_

Mandy could feel the awkward tension between the two men and decided to head to the bathroom and leave them alone for a couple minutes, she only hoped that Mickey wouldn't rip Ian’s head off. Mandy scratched her head and nervously looked between them "Hey guys, I'll have to fresh up my fucking makeup, in the meantime you two can catch up a little and shit, huh?" she said and smiled to both of them. Both stared helpless at her, but before any of them could say anything, Mandy was already on her way to the bathroom.  
"Uh..you..you look good Mick .. life’s better blond, huh?" Ian scratched the back of his neck and chuckled awkwardly. He quit as soon as he saw the look on Mickey’s face.  
"Jesus, really? A fucking joke about my goddamn hair, asshole?" Mickey snapped, if looks would kill, Ian would probably be dead by now. Ian felt his heart in his mouth, his knees were shaking and his palms were getting sweaty, he was so nervous that he wanted to ran the fuck out of there, but the same time he wanted to step up to the other man, touch him, kiss him, inhale his smell.

Ian couldn’t find the courage to say something to Mickey, so he just stared at him, he scanned every inch of the blond man. Mickey was tanned from the Mexican sun and he was in a good shape, he looked different but still the same. Ian couldn’t interpret Mickey’s mien, he seemed very pissed but there was something else, he could see it in his eyes, was Mickey happy to see him? They continued their stare for another few seconds 'til Ian finally broke the heavy silence "Mick, I'm sorry, can I at least explain why I didn’t..."  
"Fuck no.. I don't fucking need an explanation or poor excuses from you, Gallagher.. it's too fucking late for that shit.. Jesus." Mickey spat and his expression got hard.  
"S..sorry.." Ian stuttered and swallowed hard, his eyes filled with tears, he couldn't handle Mickey's cold behavior, so he quickly added "Uhm.. I need to get back to.. uhm.. it was nice to see again, Mick!"  
"Yeah whatever, bye." Mickey snorted and turned his back on Ian.

Ian headed back to David and took a few deep breaths to calm himself down a little, he had to pull himself together before David could recognize that something was wrong.  As soon as Ian was back at the table and their eyes met, Ian forced a smile, but David looked worried.  
"Everything alright? You look a little upset." he questioned softly as Ian sat down.  
"Huh? No.. uhm yeah everything's good" Ian answered and placed his hand on David’s and squeezed it slightly. He tried to avoid David’s glance, his heart was still pounding like crazy, Ian was afraid that it would jump out of his ribcage.  
"So was it Mandy?" David asked slowly.  
"Yes, she's here with her brother, she looks pretty good, haven't seen her in months.. She was my first and last girlfriend you knew that?" Ian jabbered and his eyes were still glued to the menu.  
"God Ian, you had a girlfriend? Do I even know you?" David laughed and Ian joined in. Ian managed to inconspicuously change the subject of their conversation. His mind was still racing, but he tried his best to forget that he just saw Mickey again.

Ian and David had a great time at the restaurant, they talked a lot, laughed a lot, had a few drinks and Ian managed to lock the thought of Mickey in the back of his mind, at least for a little while. They decided to take the L to get back to the Gallagher house, so they could walk a little in the fresh air. They fooled around like young teenagers deeply in love, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. On the L Ian leaned his head against the window, he watched parts of the city pass by and his mind was drifting off to the encounter with Mickey, he was back and Ian was happy as fuck about that, his heart fluttered a little and he smiled like an idiot to himself. Ian’s thoughts were interrupted by David’s question and amused chuckle "What are you smiling at, creep?"  
"Nothing .. thanks for taking me out tonight, it was great." Ian smiled and gave the man a long passionate kiss.  
"Let's get your drunk ass home." David laughed as they arrived their station, both man got up from their seats and David wrapped his arm around Ian's shoulder.

They walked the short way back to the house hand in hand in comfortable silence, Ian lighted a cigarette and inhaled the smoke deeply, his mind still circled around Mickey. Ian wasn't sure if he felt good 'cause he had a great night with David or 'cause he knew that Mickey was back in Chicago. At that moment it didn't matter and he realized that the odd feeling he had got the last couple of days was gone. He actually felt pretty happy, and tonight, he was sure as fuck about that, he wasn't going to have any nightmares, 'cause everything was fucking great and that was definitely one of his best fucking birthdays so far.

 


	2. It felt like fucking home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mandy and Mickey were smoking on the front porch, when Mickey caught Mandy staring at him, he snapped "The fuck are you looking at?"  
> "It's fucking good to have you back, Mick. I fucking missed you." Mandy said softly.  
> "Come on, quit that sentimental shit Mandy." Mickey grunted but gave her a warm smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is about Mickey, his return to the South Side, how he met Felix and his first encounter with Ian after almost four long years.

He never thought that one day he will be back in the States, back in Chicago, back on the fucking South Side. It was a strange feeling to go back where he grew up and where his life went to shit. It was fucking cold in Chicago and the city looked more fucked up than he remembered, after almost 4 years away, Chicago seemed so bleak and he didn't know how he ever could call this "home". He knew this is where he grew up but it wasn't where he belonged, not anymore. Mickey was glad that he escaped that goddamn shithole, even though he made it out as a fucking escapee. He felt kinda nostalgic and overwhelmed, looking out the car window and watching the city passing by. As soon as the car turned into his neighborhood, his head was flooded with memories from his childhood, his teenage years and from the man he once loved, Ian Gallagher.

_”I need the shit talking, bitch slapping piece of Southside trash that I fell for.”_

_“You love me and you're gay. Just admit it ... just this once, fucking admit it”_

Mickey chewed on his inner cheek, stared down on his hands and gently stroked over his fingertats _FUCK U-UP ,_ a smile played on his lips and he thought about what Felix used to say “You can get the man out of the South Side, but not the South Side out of the man”. The car stopped at the Milkovich house and Mickey’s thoughts were interrupted by Felix’ soft voice.  
"Mickey everything okay? You ready?" the man put his hand on Mickey's and squeezed it softly.  
Mickey looked the man in the eyes, gave him a little smile and nodded softly "Yeah, let's go inside this shithole of a house."  
Felix rolled his eyes but laughed, the neighborhood was more fucked up than he expected but it was not that bad, Felix had seen worse. They got out of the car and Felix went to the trunk to get their luggage out. Mickey leaned against the car and looked at the fucked up rattrap, which would be his home again for the next few weeks. He was surprised that he was that nervous to be back, his heart was pounding like mad and his hands were shaking a little. Mickey took a deep breath and picked out a cigarette, lighted it and deeply inhaled the smoke.  
"So, this is where you came from, huh?" Felix said, put some of their bags on the ground and looked interested around.  
"Unfortunately, yeah." Mickey sighed, looked down on his feet and kicked some pebbles away. Felix grew up sheltered in a nice neighborhood with loving and supportive parents and there they were standing in this fucked up neighborhood, in the middle of Mickey's fucked up past.

"Let's go inside, before we get shot." Felix grinned and nodded towards the house. Mickey threw his cigarette on the ground, stubbed it out and nodded. They grabbed the bags and headed towards the house, made their way up the stairs to the porch, Mickey turned the doorknob and of course the door wasn't locked. Felix didn't seem to care, that the front yard was full with all sorts of shit and that the house was a complete mess, rather he looked kinda amazed like he was wandering around a fucking museum or some shit. The Milkovich house was empty, it looked kinda abandoned and it was so fucking quiet, the silence was deafening. Mickey's brothers were locked up, only Iggy was on the loose, but he moved with his wife and son to Nebraska a while ago. Terry, that goddamn bastard bit the ground a half year ago, he messed with the wrong guys and got stabbed in a punch fest in prison. Mickey walked into the living room and threw the bags on the floor, Felix followed him with slow cautious steps and looked around with wide eyes. Mickey started to get more nervous with every second Felix didn’t say a word, it was unusual when the other man was that quiet, Mickey grabbed the bags from Felix and threw them to the others on the living room floor. Felix eyes were still wandering around the house and his mouth fell a little open, he looked like a fucking idiot. Mickey was getting impatient, he wanted Felix to say something, so he raised his eyebrows and looked questioningly at the other man.

"Give me a tour." Felix quit his silence, his eyes still scanning the house.  
"A tour? The fuck man, there's not much to see. It’s just a shithole loaded with fucking shitty memories." Mickey snapped harsh, knitted his eyebrows and rubbed his nose with his thumb.  
"Olta.. Mickey calm the fuck down, I won’t judge, just show me the goddamn place where you grew up. Hmm?" Felix rolled his eyes, raised one of his eyebrows, smiled softly and laid a hand on Mickeys back and stroked gently up and down.  
"Don’t be ashamed, it's not your fault that you were born here." he added with a loving voice.  
"Yeah, yeah quit that shit, I'll give you that fucking tour." Mickey growled but now with a light smile on his face. He was relieved that Felix was that calm and understanding, when they got there Mickey was afraid that he would freak the fuck out and get the hell away from him, but Felix was as solid as a rock and he always tried his best to make Mickey feel as comfortable as possible. Mickey gave him a short tour and with each minute they spent in that goddamn house his nervousness faded. They sat down on the couch and he told Felix a few stories he never dared to tell him before, he told him about that time when his father walked in when Ian and him were fucking in the living room.

    _“No son of mine is gonna be a goddamn AIDS monkey.”_

_“She's gonna fuck the faggot out of you, kid.”_

_“Ride him 'til he likes it, Suka.”_

“Dad entered the house and he fucking saw us, he saw Gallagher shoving his dick up his son's ass. Shit, he wasn't supposed to come home that early, I thought he would be out of town for a couple of days with my brothers. Dad screamed like crazy and the look in his eyes was fucking feral, he looked like a goddamn wild animal ready to attack and kill. I tried to calm him down and I wanted to explain this shit... what a fucking idiot I was, as if that would've stopped him. He headed straight to Gallagher and threw his fist in his face, he was about to beat the shit out of him, so I jumped on dad's back trying to fucking stop him. We stumbled backwards on the couch, I landed on my back, dad climbed on me and pinned me against it. It felt like he threw his fist in my face a hundred times and as if that wasn't enough he pistol whipped me, fuck, I was semiconscious, I couldn’t even look straight and my ears were ringing. Gallagher tried to get the hell out of there but dad pointed the gun at him and commanded him to sit the fuck back down. Dad called one of his mates to send over the Russian, Svetlana, she was supposed to fuck the faggot out of me..... Svetlana came and dad told her to ride me 'til I fucking like it..Jesus fuck, I was surprised that my fucking dick was still working. Gallagher was looking in my goddamn fucking face... and.. and I saw the fucking pain....his tears... and his disgust.. and it broke my fucking heart, so I turned her over and finished it. Unfortunately that wasn't the end of that fucking nightmare, I knocked Svetlana up and that bastard of my father forced me to marry her.” Mickey’s voice was quiet and shaky, it was the first time he told this story to anyone, he tried to blink away his tears, but one tear escaped and rolled down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away with his hand. Mickey lighted a cigarette and deeply inhaled the smoke, he pinned his eyes on the floor, he didn't want to look Felix in the eyes, to afraid of what he would see in them.

"Verdammte Scheiße, olta, bist du tepat.." was all Felix could say, he swallowed hard and looked shocked at Mickey.  
"Fucked up, isn't it?" Mickey sighed and rubbed with his hands over his face, he knew when Felix was talking in his mother tongue, he was mostly cursing and Mickey already understood a few words.  
"God, I feel like a goddamn fucking asshole now, I thought I had bad parents when my Mama slapped me in the face ‘cause I disappeared for two days without telling anyone where I would go, but that… fuck Mickey that’s horrible, I mean that's REALLY horrible…" Felix said head shaking, looking sadly at Mickey. Mickey just shrugged and chewed on his inner cheek, his eyes were still pinned to the floor.  
“Your father was a goddamn fucking asshole, fuck, I’m glad that motherfucker’s dead.” Felix cursed and gently stroked Mickey's back. Felix moved closer and wrapped his arm around Mickey's shoulder and leaned his head against the other. Mickey took a deep breath and leaned his head against Felix', buried his nose in Felix hair and inhaled the other man's smell, he smelled like home and somehow that smell calmed him down. He placed a kiss on Felix' head and Felix whispered "Welcome home, Schatzi.. Home bittersweet home, huh?"  
“Shut up, asshole.” Mickey whispered back and leaned his head back against Felix'. They were sitting silently on the couch for a little while, on Mickey's lips played a soft smile and he had the feeling with Felix there, this fucking shithole could actually feel like a fucking home.  
"You wanna fill this place with some good memories?" Felix broke the silence, moved his head to look at Mickey and wagged his eyebrows suggestively.  
Mickey smirked, bit down his bottom lip and nodded "Fuck, yes."

The next morning Felix lent against the kitchen counter and his eyes were wandering around the house. That place was a mess and it was a horrible idea that Mickey grew up there with that abusive homophobic piece of shit father, he was glad that the fucking asshole was rotting six feet under. He knew that Mickey had a shitty life there, but he never thought it had been this fucked up, now he understood why Mickey did some things, the way he did them. Felix cringed as the front door opened and a blond woman entered the house.  
"Jesus, this shithole is a fucking mess." Mandy grunted. Felix laughed, the woman was beautiful but definitely had the mouth of a Milkovich.  
"The fuck are you laughing at?" Mandy snapped and eyed up Felix.  
“Huh? Sorry.” Felix was getting a little nervous under Mandy’s glance.  
"Meet my gorgeous sister Mandy." Mickey said, entering the kitchen.  
"Welcome home, assface." Mandy smiled and pulled Mickey in a hug, as they let go she laughed "You're fucking blond now? Shit, looks good." Mandy ruffled Mickey’s hair.  
"So this is Felix, huh?" she asked with raised eyebrows and Mickey just nodded, Felix relaxed a little when he saw that bright smile on Mandy’s face.  
"Come here." she said warmly and pulled Felix in a hug.  
"Fucking nice to finally meet you, asshole, and welcome to the shitty Milkovich family." she put a kiss on Felix’ cheek, her face was softer now.  
"Nice to meet you too and thanks, I guess." Felix just said, he was still a little irritated.  
Mickey recognized that Felix was a little confused by Mandy’s behavior and simply said "Don't mind that bitch, she likes to fuck around with people." Mandy flipped Mickey off, winked and smiled at Felix.  
"I brought you breakfast and some coffee." she sang and they sat down at the kitchen table.  
"So, who of you fuckers is gonna tell me, how you met in fucking Mexico?" Mandy smirked and looked from one man to the other.  
Mickey and Felix looked at each other, Mickey blushed a little, smiled softly and Felix knew it was his turn to tell the fucking story.

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The first few months in Mexico were a nightmare for Mickey, he got there with nothing but a broken heart and a bunch of money. During the days he laid lazy in his hotel room or on the beach, recovering from his numerous hangovers. He drank a lot, he drank way too much, he was trying to drink Ian away, but it didn't work. During the nights he was wandering around from one bar to the other, he got himself in fights, just to feel an other pain than the pain of his broken heart. One morning after a rough night, he realized that all that shit didn't work, he realized that he had to pull himself together. He was well aware that the money wouldn't last a lifetime, so he decided to get a job and find a fucking apartment. There was that beach bar, which had an American owner named Chris, when Mickey asked Chris for a Job, the man thought Mickey was kidding him, but he agreed to let Mickey trial work for a night, to their both surprise Mickey went down very well with the customers, they seemed to love his grumpy and sometimes rude attitude. So the deal was sealed and Mickey got the job, he was working mostly night shifts, but he was fine with that, so he could keep enjoying the days on the beach. Chris also offered him the apartment above the bar and Mickey thankfully took it, it wasn't very big and it was kinda shabby, but Mickey didn't care, it was enough for him. With work days seemed to fly by and he barely had time to think about home and Ian. Mickey was surprised by the fact that he actually liked the job, there were tourists, with whom he could speak English, and locals so he also could learn some Spanish. It seemed like he finally had his act together, and Mickey was feeling good about that fact.

One evening about an hour before his shift at the bar started, Mickey was relaxing on the beach, sitting lazy in a beach chair with his feet in the sand, a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. He took a deep gulp of his bear and burped loud "Life could be worse" he thought with a chuffed smile on his face. The sun was about to set, when he recognized a quite attractive man, who was standing near him. Mickey minded his own business, but was starting to get pissed when 20 minutes passed and the guy was still there, staring at the fucking sunset. Mickey couldn't hold back and snapped "Hey, yo motherfucker, take a pic, it'll last longer."  
The man looked at him with knitted eyebrows, so Mickey assumed that he didn't speak English, but then the man barked out a laugh and said "Yo, why so pissed, asshole? Just in case you're curios I'm waiting 'til the light is right so I actually can take a pic." he smirked and put a camera out of his backpack.  
Mickey blushed, Jesus why couldn't he just keep his fucking mouth shut. Mickey raised his eyebrows and scoffed "Oh I see, you take nicey nicey pics for your Instagram and Facebook, huh?"  
The man shook his head and laughed again "Wow, you're a fucking dick and no I'm not taking pics for my fucking Insta or Facebook. I'm a landscape Photographer, I get paid for this shit." Mickey stayed quiet and frowned his eyebrows. "Mind blown, huh?" the man smirked at him. The other man made his way towards Mickey and said friendly "Hi, I'm Felix. Nice to meet you. Are you from here?" Mickey bit down on his bottom lip, Felix was really hot.  
"Mickey. No, not really, came here a few months ago, I'm from Chicago." Mickey answered honestly.  
"Uh, an American, cool, I'm from Austria and no that's not the one with the Kangaroos." Felix smiled bright at Mickey. Oh that was why he had an accent and where the fuck was Austria, Mickey thought.  
"So what brought you here to Mexico, Mickey?" Felix asked.  
"Fucking long story man, too fucking long for today. Have to go to the bar, my shift starts in 15." Mickey said and wondered why he said “for today”.  
"So I'll see you around?" Felix asked and licked his lips.  
"Yeah, I'm probably here for the rest of my fucking life." Mickey shrugged and stood up from the beach chair.  
"Fine, see you tomorrow then." Felix said and moved away, he looked over his shoulder and waved at Mickey with a bright smile on his face. Mickey waved back and mirrored the his smile. What the fucking hell was that, Mickey thought as he scratched the back of his head. He shook his head, but the smile was pinned on Mickey's face for the rest of the night.

Felix and Mickey met a few times at the beach, they got along very well, they felt really comfortable with each other and they quickly became good friends. Mickey trusted Felix, it was easy to talk with him and the other man made him laugh and somehow Felix made Mickey enjoy his life again. One evening Mickey headed to their meet point at the beach, Felix was already there taking some pictures. The sunset was fucking beautiful that day, the sky had all shades of red, and it kinda looked like it was on fire. Mickey felt a sting in his chest, it reminded him of Ian, fucking beautiful and red. Mickey shook his head slightly to get rid of that thought and headed towards Felix and yelled laughing "Hey assface, finally took some nice pics, huh?"  
"Yo Mickey." Felix put the camera away from his face and grinned at him. "Look at the sky, man, it's fucking beautiful, looks like the shit's on fire." Felix spread his arms and beamed at him, with that sunset in the back, Felix looked even more handsome, he had light brown hair, light blue eyes and a well-trimmed three-day stubble. Felix was just a little taller than Mickey, his body was in a good shape and he had a couple of tats all over his body.  
"Yeah, it's fucking cheesy, man." Mickey stated and darted his tongue out to wet his lips, Felix showed him a few of the shots he had taken that day.  
"You're a little late today. Thought you wouldn't come, was thinking you finally have enough of me and my beautiful face." Felix grimaced and laughed.  
"Yeah?" Mickey raised his eyebrows "don't worry we'll get you a paper bag for that mess you call your face." Mickey teased and smirked.  
"You're a cocky asshole, Mickey." Felix stated and punched Mickey in the shoulder.

They sat down in some beach chairs and Felix took out 2 beers from Mickey's backpack, Mickey lighted a cigarette and took a deep puff, his eyes were pinned at the ocean. Felix took the cigarette out of Mickey's hand and said "I've decided today is the fucking right day..."  
Mickey quickly interrupted him "Right time for fucking what?"  
"...you'll eventually tell me why you're here in Mexico." Felix continued, took a deep puff and gave Mickey the cigarette back.  
Mickey sighed and didn't think twice as he answered "I'm a wanted man in the States, I broke out of prison in Chicago...I'm on the run."  
Felix barked out a laugh, thinking Mickey was joking, but stopped his laughter as soon as he saw the serious expression on Mickey's face, his face fell and his eyes widened "Holy fucking shit, you killed someone or what?" Felix almost yelled in disbelieve.  
"Jesus, lower your goddamn voice, asshole. Not every fucking body needs to know that shit, fuck." Mickey barked and shot a glance at Felix.  
"So are you a goddamn killer or some shit?" Felix almost whispered with a fearful look in his eyes, he looked like he wanted to get the fuck away from Mickey. "Actually I was sentenced for attempted murder."  
Felix jumped up and started wandering nervously around "Verdammte Scheiße. Soll des a verdammter Witz sein? Des derf doch gottverdammt net wohr sein.. verdammte Scheiße..i glab i zuck aus."   
"I don’t know what the fuck you’re saying." Mickey barked angry and looked confused at Felix.  
Felix stopped his wandering and said "Sorry, just cursing in Austrian. Goddamn that's some heavy shit Mickey. I.. I don't.." he stuttered.  
"I know I should've kept my mouth shut." Mickey interrupted him harsh, stood up and was about to bolt as he felt Felix warm hand on his arm, Felix was holding him back.  
"Don't... Don't go... ." Felix said with a low voice and pointed Mickey to sit back down. Mickey looked from Felix' hand to his face, sighed and sat back down. Felix looked down at him and asked "Attempted murder, huh?"  and sat down beside Mickey. Mickey bit down on his bottom lip and frowned his eyebrows, he didn’t know where to start, he didn’t know where shit started to get out of hand back then. He decided to tell Felix how everything in his life went to shit after he drugged that godamn bitch Sammi. Felix was listening carefully and nodded from time to time and let out a few fucks, shits and damns. Mickey recognized that the fearful look in Felix' eyes was gone.

That was the first time Mickey mentioned his ex boyfriend, Ian. Felix immidiately noticed that Mickey’s voice changed when he spoke about him, his voice got soft, gentle and loving, he could tell that Mickey's feelings for this man were deep and honest. Now he understood why Mickey always seemed sad when he was watching the sun set, it remembered him of Ian, red and beautiful. That evening Felix realized, Mickey was much more damaged than he thought, Mickey was a man with a broken heart and a broken soul, but it didn't matter, it wouldn't change a thing 'cause Felix fell in love with the grumpy man the first time he met him. He knew Mickey needed time and maybe his feelings would never be the same as his, but he wanted to be there for him even when it was just as his friend, he just wanted Mickey to be happy.

Mickey thought Felix would get the hell away from him when he told him why he was in Mexico, but the man stayed as calm as possible and he seemed to absorb every word Mickey spoke that night.  
"I think you're a good man, Mickey. I mean you may be rude, have a fucking big mouth, a fat ass and a dump smile." Felix laughed and Mickey flipped him off. "No honestly, Mickey as far as I can tell you're a good and honest person. You made a few mistakes and some bad decisions in your past but you started to turn around and you're fucking trying to be a better man." Felix comforted him and he really meant what he said.  
Mickey nodded at Felix and smiled a little "Yeah, thanks man." Felix put a hand on Mickeys shoulder and squeezed it slightly.  
He took his beer and held it up "Here's to your new life in Mexico. Here's to a new beginning. And may that fucking bitch Sammi rot in jail. Prost!" Felix stated, chinked his bottle with Mickeys and took a gulp of his beer.  
"Here's here's." Mickey responded, shook his head a little and gave Felix a bright smile.

The lonely feeling Mickey had since he came to Mexico was gone, he wasn't all alone anymore, he found Felix and he felt really fucking happy. The last couple of months Mickey thought all love does was break, burn and hurt, but at that moment he could feel something new was about to begin.

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Mandy and Mickey were smoking on the front porch, when Mickey caught Mandy staring at him, he snapped "The fuck are you looking at?"  
"It's fucking good to have you back, Mick. I fucking missed you." Mandy said softly with tears in her eyes.  
"Come on, quit that sentimental shit Mandy." Mickey grunted but gave her a warm smile, Mandy wiped with her fingers over her eyes.  
"He's great." she smiled at Mickey and tossed her cigarette on the ground and stubbed it out.  
"Yeah." Mickey blushed a little, nodded and a smile played on his lips. Mandy knew her brother wasn't much of a talker, but she could see in his eyes that he was fucking happy and seeing him happy after all that shit he went through made her happy as well. So there they stand, back at the fucking South Side and much to their despite it actually felt like fucking home.

Back in the house Mandy said to the two men “I thought it would be fucking nice to go out tonight, eating dinner and shit, so I got a table at that new fancy restaurant on the fucking North Side.” Mickey rolled his eyes and muttered something unintelligible.  
“Come on Mickey, that sounds great. We got to celebrate that your ass is back home." Felix laughed, wrapped his arms around Mickey's waist from behind and placed a kiss on Mickey's neck.  
Mandy wiggled her eyebrows and put on a sweet smile "Please."  
Mickey was too lazy to argue with them and grunted "Jesus, fuck, okay."  
Mandy beamed and gave Mickey a kiss on the cheek "Uhm is it okay if I stay here for the day?" Mandy asked and smiled innocently.  
"Sure." Felix said and smiled softly, Mickey sighed. They spent the day lazy on the couch watching TV, smoking weed and sharing old stories.

At the evening they got to that fucking restaurant, it was a really nice place, even Mickey liked it. When they ordered the dessert, Felix looked questioningly at Mickey, Mickey rolled his eyes and whispered "Go ahead, asshole."  
"What's up with you fuckheads, are you plotting something?" Mandy asked curiously with knitted eyebrows.  
"Actually, we want to announce something, Mandy." Felix said slowly, laid his hand on Mickey's and smiled at him.  
Mandy looked from their faces down to their interlaced hands and almost yelled "No way, no fucking way, holy fucking shit."  
Felix blushed a little and Mickey rolled his eyes "Calm the fuck down, Mandy. You don't even know what he was gonna say and you're already freaking the fuck out."  
"Fuck, fucking sorry Felix, go on." she said and tried to hide her smile.  
"Uhm yeah, you were guessing right, we're gonna marry." Felix finally announced and his smile got even brighter.  
Mandy jumped up squeaking, she hugged Mickey and then Felix "Thanks for making him happy." she whispered in his ear, when they let go Felix nodded and smirked. "I'm so so happy for you guys." she repeated and beamed at both of them.

Mickey made his way out of the restroom when his eyes met the green eyes, he once loved so much, there he was, Ian Gallagher, standing next to his sister. His heart made a jump "Gallagher?" he almost yelled in disbelieve.  
"Mickey.." Ian said so quiet that Mickey could barely hear it. Mickey's mind was racing, he had the urge to get the fuck out of there, but at the same time he wanted to step up to the other man, touch him, kiss him and smell him. Why was he there and why was he looking so goddamn good in this fucking green button down shirt, which brought his emerald eyes off. Mickey tried to make his face look as hard as possible.  
"Hey guys, I'll have to fresh up my makeup, in the meantime you two can catch up a little and shit, huh?" Mandy said and smiled to both of them. Both stared helpless at her but before any of them could say anything Mandy was already on her way to the bathroom.  
"Uh..you..you look good Mick .. life’s better blond, huh?" Ian scratched the back of his head and chuckled awkwardly.  
Mickey shot a dirty look at him and snapped "Jesus really? A fucking joke about my goddamn hair, asshole?" he glanced angry at Ian. Their stared at each other in silence, Ian looked really good and Mickey could see that he was fucking happy to see him, but there was also something else in his eyes, Ian looked tired and kinda sad. Mickey wanted to say so many things to Ian, he wanted to punch him in his fucking beautiful face but at the same time he wanted to hug him and never let go, but he couldn't find the courage to do any of that.  
Ian broke the silence "Mick, I'm sorry, can I at least explain why I didn’t...“ and Mickey spat immediately not waiting for Ian to finish this sentence  
"Fuck no.. I don't fucking need an explanation or poor excuses from you, Gallagher.. it's too fucking late for that shit.. Jesus." he regreted it as soon as those words were out of his mouth.  
"S...sorry.." Ian stuttered and Mickey saw that Ian's eyes started to fill with tears and he quickly continued "Uhm.. I need to get back to.. uhm.. it was nice to see again, Mick."  
"Yeah whatever, bye." Mickey snorted and turned his back on Ian so that the redhead couldn't see the tears flooding his eyes. "Fuck." Mickey muttered and quickly rubbed with his hands over his eyes.

  _“I can't...This isn't me anymore... I'm sorry.”_

  _"I love you.”_

He put himself back together and tried to fake a smile when he saw Felix making his way towards him. "Who was that beautiful redhead you talked to, huh?" Felix asked with played jealousy and as soon as he spoke the words out, Felix knew that it was Ian. "Wait, what the fuck, Scheiße, was that THE redhead, your ex redhead?" Felix questioned with wide eyes. Mickey didn't say a word, his eyes were pinned to his shoes. "Fuck." Felix sighed and took a step closer to Mickey, he put his hand under Mickey's chin and softly lifted his head up. Felix lent his forehead against Mickey's and breathed "Hey, everything okay?"  
Mickey's eyes looked deeply into Felix', he kissed him and said "Yeah, I guess." Mickey's head and heart were racing, why did he have to meet Ian there? Everything was fucking fine, he was happy with Felix, he thought he moved on, he thought his feelings for Ian were gone, but as soon as he looked in those green eyes he knew that wasn't true. Mickey suddenly felt tired and exhausted, he wanted to get out of there as fast as possible "Let's find Mandy and get the fuck out of here." he said and grabbed Felix' hand.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felix is an Austrian guy, so here and there he spits out things in his mother tongue. Here's the translation: 
> 
> Olta = dude  
> Verdammte Scheiße, olta, bist du tepat = Holy shit, dude, this is fucked up  
> Mama = mum  
> Schatzi = honey, babe  
> Verdammte Scheiße = Holy shit  
> Soll des a verdammter Witz sein? = Are you fucking kidding me?  
> Des derf doch gottverdammt net wohr sein. = That just can't be fucking true.  
> Prost! = Cheers!  
> I glab i zuck aus = I think I'm gonna shit a brick


	3. I guess it's just the fucking beginning, huh?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian didn’t have the strength to put on a pokerface, he stepped slowly up to her and looked her in the eyes, as soon as Mandy saw his face, her expression softened and she pulled him into a hug "Fuck...Ian.” Ian buried his face in her shoulder, she brushed gently through his hair and whispered in his ear “I guess it's just the fucking beginning, huh?" Mandy knew Ian and Mickey weren't done, the way they looked at each other said it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little glimpse into Ian's life, it's about his date with Mandy, how he met David and his second encounter with Mickey.

Ian stepped out in the fresh air, his appointment at the clinic took a little longer than expected, he leaned against the wall besides the entry, grabbed out a cigarette and lighted it and took a few deep puffs. The conversation with the new psychiatrist went better than expected, she was much nicer than his old one, it seemed like she was really trying to understand what was up in Ian’s head. He felt like she was looking at his illness from another angle than everyone else before. It felt like she was really caring about him and was trying to see more in him, than just a patient with bipolar disease. Ian really liked that, 'cause he was so much more than just that. Ian took out his phone to check the time. “Shit.” he groaned, he was running late for his date with Mandy, he took another puff before he threw the cigarette on the ground and started to run, he didn’t want Mandy to wait too long. As soon as the sign of the cafe was in sight he slowed down and walked with quick steps towards the building. He went by the windows of the cafe and saw her sitting there, her hands cupped around her coffee mug, Mandy seemed lost in thoughts. Ian stopped for a short second to catch his breath and to look at Mandy, she even looked pretty in some jeans, a cardigan and chucks, her blond hair was wavy and her blue eyes were as beautiful as Mickey’s, she became a really beautiful woman. Ian smiled to himself and entered the cafe, Mandy looked up to him with a bright smile on her lips.   
“Sorry Mands, got an appointment at the clinic, couldn't make it any earlier." he said, still a little out of breath.   
Mandy stood up, pulled him in a hug and said softly "It’s okay, asshole. Everything alright?"   
They sat down, Ian smiled assuring at her and answered “Yeah, was just one of those regular check-ups. I’m fine.” and he really meant it. It was good to see her again, they hadn't seen each other in months, besides the quick encounter at the restaurant.

"Guess you were in a hurry last Friday? You were already gone, when I got back." Mandy said, cupped her chin in her hand and smirked.   
"Uhm... yeah... David was waiting... and Mickey... it was kinda.. uhm... I don't know… awkward." Ian stuttered and looked down at his hands, he didn't want to talk about Mickey, he assumed that Mandy knew what he felt for him anyway, though they never spoke about it.   
"Yeah, fuck, sorry about that whole thing, leaving you alone and shit.” Mandy said softly and looked apologetically at the redhead, she just wanted to give them the chance to talk alone for a few minutes and maybe sort some shit out. “Must've been awkward as fuck to see Mickey with Felix." she continued and brushed with her fingers through her bangs.   
"Huh? Felix?" Ian asked and raised one of his eyebrows. Mandy’s eyes widened, she pressed her lips together, she didn't want to hurt him with that shit. "Uhm...you didn't meet him?" she asked slowly and cautious, not sure if she should say anything at all about Felix.   
"Is he... is he Mickey's boyfriend?" Ian stumbled over every word and Mandy could catch a glimpse of sadness in his face, before it went blank.   
"Uhm... yeah... Jesus fuck, Ian... I don't know if you really wanna know this shit..” Mandy stuttered and looked nervously at Ian and chewed on her bottom lip. “The fuck's up?” Ian asked confused and started to chew on his inner cheek, Mandy looked at her hands, avoiding Ian's glance and she nervously played with her fingers. Ian starred irritated at her, waiting for her to spit out what the hell was up.   
Suddenly it clicked in his head and he blurt out “Fuck…no way...they're married?” Those words left a bitter taste in Ian's mouth, his stomach churned, he felt like he was about to throw up at any minute. Mandy's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to say something, he could see that her mouth was moving, but he couldn’t hear a word she was saying. His head felt dizzy, his ears were buzzing, and everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

   “ _Who gives a shit? It's a fucking piece of paper.” “Not to me.”_

_“If you give half a shit about me… half… don’t do this.”_

_“You try sitting on your ass while the person you love. No I'm sorry, I mean the guy you've been_ _fucking  
    gets married to some random commie skank.”_

He felt her hand on his arm, she was shaking it slightly, trying to get his attention "Ian... hey… Ian... hey...fuck..." her voice sounded muffled and static as if she was millions of miles away. Mandy was getting concerned, Ian wasn't reacting, he was staring blankly into space, and his face was deadly pale. Mandy clicked her fingers in front of his face and repeated "Fuck Ian… did you hear me… They’re NOT married yet." Mandy tried to accentuate the word “not” as loud as possible without attracting attention from the other guests at the cafe. The little word “not” brought Ian back, he blinked a few times, took a deep breath and a feeling of relief washed over his body, thank God Mickey wasn't married to that guy.   
He swallowed hard to get rid of the lump in his throat and said deadpan "Uh, Sorry… good for him...I'm... I'm happy for him."   
Mandy sighed, her eyes were scanning Ian’s face "Shit Ian, sorry, I should've kept my fucking mouth shut." she put her hand on Ian's and squeezed it a little.   
"No it's good, Mands, really. All I want for Mickey is to be happy." Ian forced a smile, he really meant those words, but deep down he wished so bad that he could be the one who was making Mickey happy.

Mandy looked compassionate at him, it always had been difficult for her to be between Ian and her brother. It was hard for her not be angry with Ian for leaving Mickey and letting him go all alone to Mexico with a broken heart. Although she could understand why he did that, she couldn't fully forgive him for hurting her brother that much, Mickey was a fucking mess and it took a long time to pull him back together and Felix did a great fucking job helping him with that shit and she loved him for that, he was family. Mandy didn't comprehend everything Ian did in his life, but she always loved him no matter what, they had that certain kind of bond and Ian was the only one she loved outside her family, Mandy always assumed they were fucking soulmates or some shit.

_“Well, I think you might be my knight in shining armor.”_

_"I could pretend to be your girlfriend at school and stuff. Then no one would ever give you a hard time." "You'd do that for me?"_

_"I told Mickey she could stay here, you're not going back by the way, we'll find you some place to live."_

Mandy knew it was best to change the subject of their conversation, she didn't want to torture Ian with that shit about Mickey. "So enough about my fucking brother and fucking Felix, let's talk about us." Mandy said cheerfully and smiled at her best friend.   
"This David, huh, he your boyfriend?" she added curious.  
“Yeah.” Ian smirked, thankful that Mandy started to talk about other stuff than Mickey, he started babbling about David and how they first met.

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Sue drove the ambulance crosstown pretty fast, a young girl wanted to commit suicide at a family party. Ian's head was spinning, the pictures of Monica’s shaking body lying on the kitchen floor, the blood streaming out of her slit wrists down on the kitchen floor, were flashing his mind. Monica was surrounded by the red viscous liquid, and that look on her face, he would forget that fucking look on her face, heartbroken and relieved at the same time. She looked as if she had made the biggest mistake in her life, but she also looked fucking happy that it would be finally over.   
Thankfully Ian’s thoughts were interrupted "Everything fine, Gallagher?" Sue asked as she recognized the worried and anxious glance in Ian's eyes.   
"Yeah." Ian nodded, he turned his head away from her and stared out the window, he didn’t want Sue to see his teary eyes.

When they arrived, Ian had pulled himself back together, there was a girl who needed their help, there was no room and time to think about fucking Monica. A young man was waiting at the front door, the look on his face was desperate and his eyes were red and swollen from crying. "I'm David, Eva’s brother, she’s bipolar, she had a few rough days last week… but she got new meds and everything seemed to be fine. An hour ago she went upstairs, she said she wasn't feeling good and that she wanted to sleep. About 15 minutes later I wanted to check on her, but she wasn't in her room, found her in the bathroom in the tub, she cut her right wrist, but not very deep." he told Ian and Susan while he guided them to the young girl and tears were streaming down his face again. "Gallagher? You got this?" Sue took a quick glance at Ian.   
"Yeah, I got this, come on Sue, no time for worries about me, the girl needs help". Ian said totally in work mode.

The girl was sitting on the bathroom floor with her arms wrapped around her knees, her head was buried between her arms, she whispered with a broken voice "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry."   
She only wore her underwear and her hair was soaked wet, Ian was looking around searching for a towel, as he found one he grabbed it, kneed down to the girl and wrapped it around her shoulders "Hey Eva, I'm Ian. You're going to be fine." Ian comforted her with a soft voice and put his hand on her right arm, he wanted to take a look at her wound, but Eva clanged her arms tightly around her knees.   
"I'm just so tired. I just wanna sleep, please, please leave me alone." She shook her head and cried, she sounded so exhausted.   
"Eva, I need to take care of your wound." Ian said calmly and laid his hand on Eva’s shoulder.   
"You don't know what's it like to live this life, I'm sick of being a fucking nutjob, why can't I just be normal? I'm a fucking loose canon, everyone's always waiting 'til I pull the next shit, I don't wanna live like this anymore." the girl sobbed and her tears were falling to the floor. Ian knew exactly what Eva was talking about, he felt this way before, like life was not worth living, he understood Eva's black despair and her hopelessness.

_"They make me feel awful, Debs, like life is not worth living. I feel so much better just knowing they're gone."_

Ian took a deep breath and said honestly "Eva, I know what it's like to live with bipolar disease." Eva slowly lifted her head, her eyes were red and swollen, her sight was heartbreaking, Ian just wanted to hug and console her.   
“No you don't, no one knows.” she sniffed and her tired brown eyes were looking in his green eyes.   
Ian swallowed hard "My mother was bipolar and I'm too. I know how hard it is, and not a long time ago I felt the way you feel right now. Eva, you need the right medication, than you can live a quite normal life, shit, look at me I'm a fucking EMT." he confided and smiled a little.   
"You're bipolar?" she wondered and raised her eyebrows. Ian only nodded and shrugged, Eva scanned his face, as if she was searching for a sign that Ian was lying.   
"I need to take a look at your wound, Eva, and we need to take you to a hospital." Ian said again with a calm voice.   
"Okay." she concurred, loosened her grip and stretched her right arm out to Ian, he smiled reassuring at her and took care of her wound.  
Sue was standing at the door, watching the whole scene, she saw that Ian had everything under control, so she turned around to Eva’s brother and said “Let’s get her some clothes, David." Sue helped Eva to put on the fresh clothes, Eva was dead pale and she was built on sand, so Ian helped her to get on the gurney. "Good job, Gallagher." Sue said proudly, patted his back and added "You wanna drive?"   
Ian shook his head and answered “I stay at the back with her, if it's okay." Sue just nodded and they made their way to the hospital.   
"Eva, it will get better, I promise." Ian said and squeezed the girl's hand slightly.   
Eva’s tired eyes filled with tears as she said "Thank you, Ian."

3 days later Ian made his way to the hospital, he wanted to visit Eva, the girl touched something in him and he wanted to be sure that she was okay. He made his way to her room, when he saw that her brother, David was standing in front of it. David was a very handsome man, he had dark brown hair and warm brown eyes, he was in a good shape and as tall as Ian. Ian stepped up to him and David smiled friendly "Hey, you're the EMT that saved my sister, Ian, right?"   
Ian scratched the back of his head and said "Hi David, yeah, I just wanted to be sure that she's fine." he mirrored David’s smile.   
"That's really nice, she's getting better, she got new meds and stuff." he licked his lips and nodded slightly.   
"Good to hear that." Ian replied relieved.   
"The doctor's inside, they're making a few checks. Wanna grab some coffee while you wait?" David asked and slid a hand in his trouser pocket.   
"Sure." Ian shrugged and they went to the cafeteria.

"Eva wouldn't shut up about the cute EMT who saved her life, I'm sure she's freaking out, when she sees you. I think she has a little crush on you. She thinks you're her knight in shining armor or some shit." David grinned at Ian.   
"Oh that's cute, I guess. She's a nice girl, but I don't want to raise false hopes." Ian chuckled and scratched one of his eyebrows. David knitted his eyebrows and looked confused at the redhead, Ian recognized that David didn’t get the hint, so he said explanatory “I'm gay."   
“Oh.” David smiled and the confused look on his face was gone. They chit chat a little and went back to Eva’s room, the checks were done and Ian could go inside. Ian entered the room and greeted her with a soft voice "Hi Eva, how are you doing?"   
Eva’s face lit up as soon as she saw that it was him "Hey Ian, I'm better, got new meds, they seem to work better than the last ones." She looked much better, her face was rosy and the tiredness in her eyes was gone.   
"That's good." Ian said, walking towards her and sat down on the edge of her bed. They talked a little 'til Ian's phone went off. "Shit sorry, I gotta go, work and shit." Ian sighed and stood up. "It was nice to see you again Eva. I'm glad you're feeling better. And always remember: You got this." Ian winked and leaned forward to hug her.   
"Thanks so much, Ian." Eva whispered in his ear and as they let go she smiled bright at him.

   _"I'll always remember what you told me. You said 'I got this.'. Ian...You got this."_

Ian left the room and was about to head down the hallway as he heard David shouting "Yo Ian, hold on for a second." Ian turned around and saw David jogging towards him. "Thanks for caring so much, Eva's very happy about your visit." David took out a piece of paper and scribbled down his phone number and handed it to Ian. "I want to take you out for dinner as thanks for helping and all, so call me or text me when you got time." David smirked at him.   
Ian blushed and smirked "Yeah, sure." he turned around and walked down the hallway with a big smile on his face.

A couple of days later David and Ian were going on their first date, Ian was nervous as fuck, it had been a while since he was on an actual date. He changed his clothes about five times 'til David finally showed up. David knocked on the door and Ian raced down the stairs to open.   
"Hey, you ready?" David asked beaming at Ian, damn he was looking smoking hot, he wore tight black jeans, a vinous button down shirt and a black leather jacket.   
"Yeah, let's go." Ian smiled, grabbed his jacket and went outside. David was the perfect gentlemen, he took Ian out to a nice restaurant and they had a very good time. Actually they had not very much in common, but that didn't bother them, they got along very well. David was a funny guy, he made Ian laugh and both men felt at ease with another. David listened carefully when Ian told him some shit from work or babbled along some nonsense. He understood Ian's disease and could handle that fact quite good. It was a great first date and Ian was looking forward to what would happen next.   
David brought Ian home, walked him to the house and they kissed, David took one of Ian's hand and smiled "It was a great night, Ian. Hope there will be a next time."   
"You're not coming in?" Ian asked puzzled and knitted his eyebrows and David laughed.  
He brushed with his thumb over his bottom lip, but shook his head and pecked Ian's cheek "Not tonight."  
Ian blushed a little and scratched the back of his neck "Bye, see ya."   
David went back to his car and before he got in, he waved goodbye and smiled bright at Ian, Ian smiled back and watched David drive away. Fuck, David was a real fucking gentleman.

Ian went inside, Fiona was sitting on the couch, it seemed like she was waiting for him to come home. "Hey, sweet face, how was your date?" she asked curious and smirked at him.   
Ian rolled his eyes but beamed at her "It was really good, he's great."   
Fiona stood up and hugged Ian, he knew she was glad that he had found a decent guy. His last few relationships after Mickey went to prison, didn't work out very well. First he was with Caleb that pussy fucking cheater, then there was Trevor, he was a quite nice guy but that ended when Ian got on the ride with Mickey. Then came John, God that man was a real sexy motherfucker but he was also a fucking nightmare. Ian found out he was a drug addict and the man pulled some shit after the other, as Ian confronted him, shit got out of control, John started a fight with him and they beat the shit out of each other, John almost made a stretcher case out of him. A few months ago he had a short liaison with a musician named Bruce, but he was only in town for a couple of weeks and it ended when Bruce continued the tour with his band. Ian walked to the kitchen and grabbed 2 beers out of the fridge and shuffled back to Fiona, they sat down on the couch and Ian told his sister about his date. Fiona smirked at him, she was really really happy for her brother and David sounded great to her.

He was upstairs getting ready when he heard a noise from the kitchen, “Fiona?” Ian shouted and made his way downstairs.   
“Yeah, in the kitchen.” she yelled back, she smiled as Ian headed downstairs and asked curiously “You leaving? I was about to make some spaghetti.”   
Ian leaned against the washing machine, scratched the back of his neck “Sorry, David invited me over to his apartment, he wants to cook dinner and shit.” he said smiling.   
Fiona looked at him with loving eyes and smiled back “Sounds good. Have fun.”

Ian was standing nervously in front of David's door, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door. David opened with a bright smile on his face “Hey, come in.” he took a step aside so that Ian could walk in and closed the door.   
David pressed a kiss against Ian's lips and said “Let's go to the kitchen, dinner's ready.” Ian smiled and followed David, his eyes were wandering around the apartment, it was pretty nice. They sat down on the kitchen table, the food was already served and it looked and smelled mouth watering. David filled their glasses with wine and they started to eat, the food didn't only look delicious it also tasted delicious as fuck.   
“Does is taste good?” David smiled at Ian, who was stuffing himself with the food.   
“Yeah.” Ian answered with his mouth full and David laughed, he was glad that Ian liked his cooking.   
Ian swallowed and smiled “Sorry, yeah it's fucking delicious.” David blushed a little, looked down on his plate and continued his eating. Ian told David about his workday and vice versa, they talked about this and that and finished the dinner.   
Ian leaned against the kitchen counter and asked interested “You live alone here?”   
David shrugged “Eva crashes here a few day's a week, but mostly yeah.” He walked towards Ian, kissed him softly and breathed against Ian's lips “Tonight were all alone.” Ian grinned, David took his hand and guided him to his bedroom.

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Ian and Mandy had a great time catching up and none of them wanted to go home already, so they decided to go to a club, have a few drinks and shake their asses on the dance floor. They headed to Boys Town, and got to the “Fairytale”, the club where Ian used to work years ago.  
"Remember when you were one of the boys dancing in those tiny golden thongs?" Mandy laughed and boxed Ian's shoulder.   
Ian shot a glance at her and flipped her off. "Fuck off, let's get some drinks." Ian screamed over the loud music and Mandy nodded, the club was well attended, they had to force their way to the bar.

"Come on it'll be fun!" Felix begged and leaned his head back to look at him.   
"What should be fun about going to a fucking gay club, where some disgusting dudes rub their dicks against your ass and jizz in their fucking pants?" Mickey snapped, rolled his eyes and grabbed out a beer from the fridge.   
Felix stood up from the couch and laughed "Mickey don't always be a grumpy old man, let's have some fun." he walked towards Mickey and pinched his waist. Mickey knitted his eyebrows, took a gulp from his beer and slowly shook his head.   
"Let's give these creeps some wanking material.” Felix wrapped his arms around Mickey from behind and kissed him behind his ear.   
Mickey bit down his bottom lip and sighed "You're such a fucking idiot."   
"So are we going?" Felix breathed in Mickey's ear. "Jesus fuck, okay, but if one of these old fuckers touches you, I'll knock his fucking teeth out." Mickey answered grumpy and scratched his nose with his thumb.   
"You're always so protective, it's kinda cute." Felix teased and turned Mickey around to kiss him.   
Mickey grimaced and said "Shut up and get dressed fucker."

They headed to Boys Town, they walked by a club as Felix said excited "Oh this one looks nice, “Fairytale”, sounds promising." Mickey's head filled with memories, this was the club where Ian worked a couple of years ago, this is where he kissed Ian the first time in public.

_“Those finger's go anywhere near that cock. I'mma break every knuckle on your hand.”_  
  
   _“Did you guys just meet last night or are you together?” “Together.”_

Mickey's thoughts were interrupted "Earth to Mickey." Felix laughed and waved his hand in front of Mickey's face.   
"What?" he mumbled and looked confused at Felix.   
"Wanna go inside?" Felix asked laughing and nodded towards the club.   
"Yeah sure. Let's go." Mickey shrugged and they headed towards the entry.   
Felix was looking around in amazement, it was adorable how excited he was "This is so cool, man, you know, in my hometown we don't have any gay clubs. No sexy men in tiny golden thongs dancing on stages, this is fucking amazing." Felix beamed at Mickey.   
"I don't think it's different than any other club, except that the dancers here work as much in the back as in the front." Mickey shrugged and raised on of his eyebrows.   
Felix eyes widened and he laughed "Oh great, so you can get a blowjob here as well?" Mickey rolled his eyes but laughed. "Thank God I have a boyfriend so I don't have to pay for that shit." Felix teased, took a step up to Mickey and kissed him.   
"I need a drink, asshole." Mickey breathed against Felix' lips, Felix nodded and they forced their way through the crowd.

"I wanna shake my sexy ass a little, you wanna join me?" Felix grinned and raised his eyebrows.   
"The fuck I want, I'm staying over here, watching your ass." Mickey shook his head and scratched his eyebrow with his thumb.   
Felix pecked Mickey's cheek "Lieb di." he whispered in Mickey's ear before he disappeared in the dancing crowd. Mickey smiled and ordered a new drink and his eyes were scanning the crowd for Felix, as he felt that someone was staring at him. "The fuck are you lo..." Mickey barked but closed his mouth as soon as he saw who was watching him, it was Ian. Ian smiled shyly at him, he seemed a little tipsy and he was sweaty from dancing, but God he looked fucking hot.   
Mickey swallowed hard as he eyed Ian up, Ian took a step closer and leaned forward to whisper in Mickey's ear "Remember when I gave you a lap dance here?" Mickey blushed a little, took a deep breath and bit his bottom lip. He put a hand on Ian's chest and pushed him gently away and mumbled "Fuck". Ian looked from Mickey's hand to his face, he darted his tongue out to wet his lips, their eyes were wandering from the eyes to the mouth of the other man.

"Mickey, guess who's here, fucking Mandy, saw her on the dance floor." Mickey startled as he heard Felix yelling over the loud music and quickly took his eyes off of Ian. Felix headed towards them and when he saw who was standing in front of Mickey he screamed even louder "The fuck are YOU doing here?" Mickey could see the fire in Felix eyes, if looks would kill, Ian would be dead by now.   
Mickey jumped up from the bar stool and placed a hand on Felix chest to stop him "Hey, hey, calm down, we're cool here. We're fucking cool, okay." Felix darted a glance at Ian, but his eyes were wandering back to Mickey. "Gallagher just wanted to say hello, okay. He was about to leave anyways." Mickey forced a smile, looked quickly at Ian and shrugged his eyebrows. Ian looked from Mickey to Felix with wide eyes, took a step back, nodded and quickly disappeared in the dancing crowd.

In the meantime Mandy made her way up to Felix and Mickey. Mickey rubbed his face with his hand and took a deep breath. "Hey asshole, what's wrong?" Mandy asked confused.   
"Nothing." Mickey snapped and ordered another drink.   
"What the fuck did he want?" Felix scoffed and looked angry at Mickey.   
"Already fucking told you, he just fucking wanted to say hello and now calm the fuck down, Jesus fucking Christ." Mickey grunted and knitted his eyebrows. Felix shook his head in disbelieve and shrugged his hands in front of his chest "Scheiße...okay...Let's go back to the fucking dancefloor Mandy." Felix sighed and turned his back on Mickey.   
Mandy was confused and looked questioningly at Mickey, he rolled his eyes and stood up from the bar stool again "Just go dancing with him, please, just fucking go, I gotta take a piss anyways."   
Mandy raised her eyebrows "A piss, huh? Fine but don't fucking do anything you shouldn't, okay?" Mandy glanced at him.   
Mickey didn't say anything, he rolled his eyes again, walked by Mandy and exhaled loudly.

He made his way to the back entrance, he knew Ian would be out there at the alley. Ian was smoking with his head leaned against the wall and his eyes closed. Mickey got out of the door, no one else was out there, they were alone. "The fuck, Gallagher?" Mickey barked harshly at the redhead.   
Ian startled and opened his eyes, he didn't hear Mickey coming, he rolled his eyes and grinned "Calm the fuck down, Mick". They looked at each other for a short second before they made their way towards each other, both knew it was a fucking bad idea, but they couldn’t resist each other, both wanting the other so fucking much. It was like a reflex, they met in the middle and crashed their lips together. Mickey put a hand on the back on Ian's neck, Ian's hands were wandering from Mickey's neck to his hair. The kiss was messy and needy, their tongues were exploring the others mouth, both men were craving for more. Mickey bit Ian's bottom lip and Ian hummed in Mickey's mouth. "Fuck." Mickey breathed against Ian's lips and Ian whimpered as Mickey ended the kiss. Ian leaned his forehead against Mickey's and Mickey sighed "Fuck, I missed you." Ian smiled and kissed Mickey again, that kiss was softer and more loving than the one before. They got lost in the kiss, they got lost in each other, Ian melted under Mickey's soft touches. Ian pressed Mickey closer, Mickey hummed into Ian's mouth and pushed his tongue a little bit deeper in his mouth to make the kiss even more wet and passionate. Ian's hands were wandering down Mickey's chest and stomach, wanting to unbuckle Mickey's belt but Mickey jerked back and shook his head slowly and cursed "Fuck. Fuck, this is wrong. Fuck."   
Ian wiped his mouth and said "I fucking missed you Mick, I missed us… I missed this..." Ian pointed with his hand between them.

   _"Missed ya." "You did?" "Yeah, man."_

Mickey scratched his bottom lip with his thumb and growled "Fuck I can't do this again, Gallagher, fuck.”  
Ian knitted his eyebrows and looked confused at Mickey and asked “What?”   
Mickey looked desperate at him and barked “I'm happy with Felix, you’re happy with your guy… This… us… it’s… fuck." Mickey’s voice broke.   
Ian took a step closer and avowed "Fuck Mick, yeah I’m kinda happy... but … fuck … I was happier with you." he almost whispered the last words, Mickey could barely hear them. Ian stretched his hand out, wanting to caress Mickey’s cheek, but Mickey turned his head away and took step back.   
He knitted his eyebrows "Don't… don't do this… what do you want from me, huh?”   
Ian looked him deep in the eyes and confessed “I want you. I want us.”   
Mickey snorted “Fuck suddenly you want me, huh? YOU left ME four years ago… I wanted you to come with me, but you fucking left… you ripped my fucking heart out...” Mickey’s eyes were glancing furiously at Ian “Fuck it took me so long to learn how to live without you…" he applied angry, Mickey looked into Ian’s green eyes, he couldn’t stop his eyes from tearing up. Ian’s eyes widened, he knew that Mickey was hurt, but hearing him, saying those words was too fucking much, he never thought that Mickey was that heartbroken, he thought Mickey could handle that shit easy, but he was wrong. He could see the pain and sadness he left in the other man's heart right in Mickey’s tired blue eyes .

_“Not everybody just gets to blurt out how they fuckin’ feel every minute.”_

He always thought when they finally met each other again they would fall heels over head again for another. That thought kept him going somehow, but unfortunately it wasn't that easy, life went on for both of them. The world didn't stop spinning ‘cause they were apart, they couldn't just pick it up where they left off almost 4 years ago. They both kind of moved on with their lives and they both had someone new. Ian's head was spinning, he felt dizzy, that all was just too much at the moment. Mickey couldn't read Ian's expression, he looked angry, sad and crashed at the same time, he wanted to step up to him and hug him, but he couldn’t find the courage to do so, ‘cause he knew where this would lead. Their glances were pinned to their shoes, they couldn't look each other in the eyes.   
Ian broke the silence and whispered "Sorry Mick, I didn't want to upset you…It's just…I…I missed you a lot you know… It feels like I can't get over you…and now you're back and I can't you get you out of my head…It was always you and it will always be you…"  
"Stop it there…" Mickey barked and shoot an angry glance at Ian. “… you want me, huh? What if I go back to Mexico, would you come?” Mickey raised his eyebrows and pressed his lips together. Ian’s eyes widened, he looked confused, he didn’t know what the hell he should answer, he swallowed hard and opened his mouth, but before he could say anything Mickey burst “I fucking knew… fuck you, really fuck you Gallagher.“ Mickey's nostrils flare, he decided to get the fuck away from Ian before he would say something he couldn't take back, he turned around and stormed back in the club.   
“Mick, wait.” Ian yelled, but the back door already slammed shut and Mickey was gone. “Fuck.” a tear dropped down Ian's face and he quickly wiped it away with his balm.

Mickey raced through the dancing crowd past Felix and Mandy, and out of the club, he was so fucking pissed, he wanted to punch someone in his fucking face. Felix chased after him and yelled "Hey Mickey, stop." Mickey stopped as he recognized Felix’ voice, he turned around and looked at him with furious eyes. "Jesus Christ. Fuck. You're pretty fast for a little man." Felix breathed. Mickey glanced at him, he was not in the mood for his fucking jokes. "The fuck’s up?" Felix asked, ignoring Mickey’s angry glance.   
"Nothing." Mickey quickly answered and grabbed out a cigarette and lighted it.   
"Nothing, huh? So why did you storm out of the club like a fucking maniac, when “nothing” happened?" Felix asked with one of his eyebrows raised.   
"Fuck…" Mickey breathed out the smoke from his cigarette "…Gallagher wanted to explain why he left me, said he missed me, then I lost my fucking shit." he continued and took another deep puff from his cigarette.   
Felix took a step up to Mickey "Fuck, Mickey.” was all he said as he laid his arms around him and pressed him into a tight hug. Felix caressed Mickey's back and he could feel that Mickey’s tensed body began to relax. “Let's go home.” Felix whispered in his ear and pecked his cheek.   
Mickey took a deep breath, pulled away from Felix and nodded “Okay.”   
Felix shook his head slightly and glowered “The next time I see this fucking redhead I punch him in his fucking face. So a vafluachts Orschloch.” Mickey appreciated that Felix didn't push for more details, he was always so fucking understanding and that was one of the things Mickey loved about him.

Ian went back in the club, his eyes were desperately searching for Mickey, but he was already gone. "Fuck, I fucked it up." he thought as he stood there in the middle of all the dancing people. Mandy leaned against the bar, her eyes were wandering around the club, Ian assumed that she was looking for him, he pressed his lips together and went towards the bar to her.   
Mandy saw Ian walking up to her and yelled over the loud music "What the fuck just happened, why stormed Mickey outta here like a fucking sicko?" Ian didn’t have the strength to put on a pokerface, he stepped slowly up to her and looked her in the eyes, as soon as Mandy saw Ian’s face, her expression softened and she pulled him into a hug "Fuck, Ian...” Ian buried his face in her shoulder, she brushed gently through his hair and whispered in his ear “And I guess it's just the fucking beginning, huh?" Mandy knew Ian and Mickey weren't done, the way they looked at each other said it all, they still loved each other. Mandy just hoped, that it wouldn't end up in a big fucking mess and she hoped that Ian's mind would stand this.

Ian didn't want to let go of the hug, he thought when he did, he would probably fall apart, so they stood there for a while embracing each other. When Ian finally let go, he looked in Mandy’s blue eyes, which reminded him so much of Mickey's, he sobbed "I'm sorry Mandy, I'm so fucking sorry. I never wanted to hurt him like that. I thought he would better off without me."   
Mandy smiled reassuring at Ian and caressed his cheek "I know Ian, I know. Come on let's get your ass home." she said with a soft voice and Ian nodded. They got out of the club, Mandy lighted a cigarette, took a deep puff and asked "Hey, you want me to call David to pick you up?"   
Ian didn't answered, he grabbed out his phone, he had 3 missed calls and a text message from David "Miss you. You coming over? xx D". He shook his head and sighed, he didn't want to talk or see David now, he put the phone back in his jacket. "No, just bring me home, Mands." Mandy looked worried at him, but nodded, she threw her cigarette on the ground and stubbed it out. She called an Uber and they drove to the Gallagher house.   
"Mands, could … could you stay tonight?" Ian asked her with sad eyes after they got out of the car.   
Mandy looked softly at him “Of course I stay.” she nodded and wrapped her arm around his waist and they walked towards the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation: 
> 
> Lied di = Love you  
> So a vafluachts Orschloch. = Such a fucking asshole.  
> Scheiße = shit


	4. Please just go, before I tell you not to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You need to go, Ian." Mickey sighed and chewed on his bottom lip, he knew, where this would lead if Ian would stay.  
> "But Mick, I want to..." Ian whined and exhaled loudly.  
> "...just...please...go, before I tell you not to..." Mickey put his hand on Ian's cheek and caressed it.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is about Mickey's life in Mexico, how Felix and him became a couple, how they got engaged, how it came that he went back to Chicago and all that shit. It's also a little bit about Ian and of course it's about their next encounter.

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Mickey and Felix were sitting lazy on the beach, Felix was deep in thoughts and he was nervously peeling off the label of the beer bottle in his hand. Mickey lighted a cigarette and took a deep puff, he glanced at Felix and recognized that something bothered him, Mickey breathed out the smoke “What's on your mind, man?”  
Felix looked him in the eyes, he took a deep breath and said “I...I need to tell you something.“  
Mickey could see a glimpse of sadness in Felix eyes, he knitted his eyebrows and looked questioningly at him. Felix' looked away from Mickey, his eyes were pinned to the beer bottle again “I'm here for quite a while now, four months to be exact, and I took a few amazing shots, but I need...I need to continue my travel, you know.” Felix sounded distressed, he chewed on his inner cheek and scratched one of his eyebrows.  
“Shit.. you're leaving?” Mickey said with a sad look in his eyes and bit down on his bottom lip, he knew that this day would come, but that didn't make it hurt any less and he wasn't prepared for that shit to happen that soon.  
“Yeah shit, look Mickey, you became my best friend ... fuck ... and we had a really fucking great time.” Felix sighed and took a sip of his beer, leaned back on his hands and his eyes were looking out at the ocean. Mickey took another deep puff from his cigarette before he stubbed it out, he raised on of his eyebrows, looked at Felix and asked “So this is it, huh?”  
Felix eyes were pinned to the crown cap he just found in the sand, he grabbed it and nervously played with it “I guess.” he answered with a sad voice, he didn't want to look Mickey in the eyes.  
Mickey's eyes were wandering out in the distance and he whispered “Fuck.” he grabbed Felix' beer and took a gulp of it. Mickey really grew on that motherfucker, like Felix said, they became fucking best friends, it was fucking devastating that he would leave and they would probably never see each other again. Tears were forming in his eyes and he quickly wiped them away with his sleeve, the silence was heavy and Mickey wished he could say something to end it, but he couldn't find the courage to do so.

   _"Don't..." "Don't what?" "Just.."_  
_"Really? That's all you gonna say to him. You're a fucking pussy."_

Mickey stood up, he wandered towards the water, picked up a stone from the ground and threw it angrily into the water, he was fucking pissed at the whole goddamn world, why wasn't he granted to have more than just a glimpse of happiness in his goddamn fucked up life. He felt like whenever something good happened in his life, a short time after something bad followed, all he ever got were fucking fragments, that shit was fucking unfair, and he was fucking sick of it. Felix walked up to him, bend down and picked up a stone from the ground and threw it into the water, just like Mickey did a minute before. He stood beside him and both were looking out at the ocean, out there between the sky and the ocean was a little fisher boat, it was breezy, the waves were crushing at the rocks and seagulls were screaming over their heads. Felix eyes were wandering to Mickey's face, he opened his mouth and finally broke the silence between them “Uhm.. maybe you.. you wanna come with me?”  
Mickey laughed, his eyes were still pinned at the ocean “What? Come with you?” he scratched his head, looked at Felix and raised his eyebrows.  
“Yeah, we could travel around Mexico together.. I could show you some nice places..” Felix smiled nervously, his blue eyes were looking full of hope into Mickey's blue eyes. Mickey's eyes widened, that definitely took him by surprise, but he liked the thought of traveling around with him and there was nothing to keep him where he was, nothing was holding him off.  
“I'm just traveling within Mexico, not crossing any borders.” Felix shrugged and turned his head to look at the ocean again.  
Mickey's eyes were still pinned at the other man, he didn't know how he should say, that he'd fucking love to come with him, he took a deep breath “Felix this is... uh... fuck... I'd love... fuck... that sounds fucking great, man.” Mickey stuttered and bit down on his bottom lip.  
Felix' face lit up, he grabbed Mickey's shoulders and pulled him in a tight hug.  
“Quit that fucking shit.” Mickey rolled his eyes, but laughed and hugged him back.  
“Sorry, couldn't hold it back, but I'm so fucking happy. Oh my God I'm so excited. It'll be fucking amazing, we'll have a great time and we'll see some amazing places. This will be the best fucking time of our lives.” Felix beamed at him.  
Mickey smiled from ear to ear and nodded, he was really looking forward to that journey and he was happy that he would experience that with Felix.

A few days later Mickey quit his job at the beach bar, moved out of his apartment and the two men started their journey. Felix showed Mickey so many amazing places, one place more beautiful than the one before. With every stunning sunset they saw, Felix could see that Mickey's heart was finally healing bit by bit, he saw that Mickey started to find closure and he was glad that he was the one who helped Mickey to put his broken pieces back together. He helped Mickey to come to terms with his past, he helped him to accept that he couldn't change it anyways and that life goes on. With every day their friendship grew stronger and Felix was falling more and more in love with Mickey. Felix was Mickey's best friend and maybe even his savior. Felix made Mickey believe he was a good man, who deserved a good life, he helped him to find himself again. With every passing day Mickey learned that life could be beautiful even if you're a fucked up thug from the fucking South Side.

5 months after they started their journey Felix and Mickey were on a beach party, there was a big bonfire, lots of cheep booze and loud music. They had a great time and were chatting to some guys about their journey through Mexico, when someone yelled “Skinny-dipping!”. Everyone started to undress, a lot of naked asses were running towards the ocean, Felix and Mickey stared at them for a second, then looked confused at each other. “The fuck?” Felix threw his head back and laughed loud. Mickey raised his eyebrows, shrugged, started to remove his clothes and walked towards the ocean “You coming or what?” he shouted over his shoulder. Felix barked out a laugh again and slipped out of his clothes and headed towards the ocean.  
“Motherfucker's cold.” Mickey grumbled.  
“Stop whining, asshole.” Felix laughed and spattered some water at Mickey.  
“Fucker.” Mickey laughed and started to play-flight with Felix. They ducked each other under water and fooled around like little kids. Some of the dudes on the beach were setting a firework, Felix and Mickey ended their fight. They both were staring at the firework with their heads in their necks and their mouth a little open in amazement. Felix eyes were wandering from the sky to Mickey and he looked fucking beautiful in that colorful shine. Felix closed his eyes and took a deep breath, when he opened his eyes again, Mickey was looking at him. Their eyes met and the world seemed to stand still, Mickey bit down on his bottom lip, Felix was looking goddamn beautiful in the shine of the firework, his heart was racing, it pounded so hard it felt like it would jump out of his chest at any minute. Why was he so nervous? Were those butterflies in his stomach? He didn't know where this feeling came from, he didn't know what he should do next. Should he kiss Felix? Was Felix even into guys? They had never really spoken about their sexuality, Felix hooked up with a few girls during their journey so Mickey assumed he was straight. They were still staring at each other, it seemed like Felix was waiting for Mickey to do or say something, but Mickey was afraid that he would do something wrong and ruin everything.  
“Ugh...scheiß drauf.” Felix sighed, pulled Mickey closer and pressed a kiss on his lips, Mickey was surprised at first, but it felt fucking right that his lips were on Felix' at that moment, so Mickey relaxed and deepened the kiss. When they ended the kiss, Felix cupped Mickey's face with his hands, leaned his forehead against Mickey's and breathed against his lips “I wanted to do this for such a fucking long time.”  
They opened their eyes, blue eyes met blue eyes, and Mickey grinned “Yeah?”  
“Mmh.” Felix hummed, nodded slowly and kissed him again.

Felix and Mickey didn't define their relationship, if they were a couple or just friends with benefits or some kind of other shit, they were fucking happy, they loved each other, they had a really great time together and that was all that mattered to them. Felix knew that Mickey would never love him as much as he loved Ian, but Felix knew that Mickey loved him and he knew that it was enough. They never spoke about their love for each other, both men were better in showing their love than talking about it. Deep down both knew they were a fucking happy couple that was in love with each other, but both were too much of a chicken to speak it out loud.

Felix and Mickey were already traveling a year and a half through Mexico. Felix took some amazing shots for his work and secretly he took a few photos of Mickey as well, but Mickey didn't know that those shots existed, they were Felix' little secret and maybe someday he would show them to Mickey.

It was a fucking hot day and they spent almost four hours in Felix car, which had no air conditioning. “Shit, it's hot as in hell in this goddamn car.” Mickey grumbled.  
“Yeah yeah, I know, stop complaining, where almost there, just 5 minutes left.” Felix rolled his eyes. The sunset that day was as stunning as the sunset, when Mickey told Felix that he was an escapee. The sky had every shade of red and it looked fucking amazing, Mickey watched it lost in thoughts. Felix recognized that his eyes weren't searching for something or someone in the sunset anymore, it seemed like they didn't remind him of Ian anymore.  
“So we're finally here. It's a secret place, you know, that means no fucking tourists.” Felix winked. They went down a little path which led them to a beautiful bay, the sand was whiter than white and the water was crystal blue. Felix took a towel out of his backpack, spread it on the sand and he sat down. He grabbed a second time in his backpack and took out two bottles of beer, opened them and handed one to Mickey. Mickey sat down next to Felix and lighted a cigarette and took a deep puff.  
“God, isn't this shit stunning today?” Felix nodded towards the sunset. Mickey just hummed and took another sip of his beer. Felix leaned back on his hands and smiled “Jesus, that would be right background to ask, if you wanna fucking marry, huh?” Felix babbled without thinking. Mickey almost choked on his beer, looked staggered at him with widened eyes and blushed. Mickey was surprised that Felix' question didn't freak the shit out of him, to be honest he felt little butterflies in his stomach and he could barely hold back his grin.  
“Was that a fucking proposal, Felix?” he scoffed and raised one of his eyebrows.  
“Oh shit, did I really say that out loud? Fuck...Mickey... fuck...it just came to my mind and...” Felix stuttered and almost choked on his words.  
“Jesus, take a fucking breath, man, I'm not going to rip your fucking tongue out or some shit.” Mickey said and added shyly “Though it's just a fucking piece of paper, it doesn't sound that bad to me.” he shrugged his shoulders and blushed again.  
Felix looked at him with an open mouth and asked “Was that.. was that a fucking YES?”  
“Fuck you, is what that was.” Mickey laughed and nodded a little.  
Felix jumped up, threw his hands in the air in excitement and shouted at the ocean “Heilige vadammte Scheiße, host des ghert olta, i werd den Mickey fucking Milkovich heiratn.. den scheiß berühmten South Side thug! A konnst den Scheiß glaben?” Mickey only understood a few words, he shook his head and scratched the back of his neck, it was fucking adorable how excited Felix was and it made Mickey fucking happy that he was the reason that Felix was that happy. Mickey stood up and walked towards Felix, the man wrapped his hands around Mickey's waist. Mickey looked in his bright blue eyes and caressed his cheek and neck with his hand “You make me fucking happy. I love you.” he whispered and placed a kiss on Felix lips.

   “ _Are you gonna marry me. Are we gonna go down to the courthouse in some tuxes like a couple of old queens?_ _“_

Mickey always thought when he would marry again, he would marry Ian, but the redhead wasn't there and it was fucking time to leave the fucker behind and start his future with Felix. He never thought that one day he would be able to enjoy his life and love someone again.

“Next car you buy better have a fucking air conditioning, I'm fucking melting in this piece of shit.” Mickey cursed and wiped away the sweat from his face.  
Felix laughed “Last night you're weren't complaining about the heat and sweat”.  
“Fuck off.” Mickey grumbled “Where are we going, looks like a fucking slum here.”  
“Says the man from Chicago's South Side” Felix teased. Mickey flipped him off.  
“Just this road down and then we should be there.” Felix stated. Mickey drummed his fingers on the dashboard. The car stopped and Felix said “Here we are, Schatzi, just a ten minutes walk then we're really really there.” Mickey rolled his eyes and snorted, but didn't say anything.

“Jesus fucking Christ...wandering around in the heat...like a fucking donkey...motherfucker...” Mickey mumbled while he walked behind Felix.  
“Calm the fuck down Mickey, we're almost there, shit you're all grumpy today, huh?” Felix breathed. Mickey darted a look at him and he knew he should better keep his mouth shut. Felix shook his head and smiled to himself, Mickey was kinda adorable when he was all grumpy.  
“Jesus, where do you always find that kinda cheesy places?” Mickey said as they arrived at the hidden waterfall and his grumpiness seemed to be gone.  
“Thanks to my job, I almost know all the cheesy places in the world.” Felix winked and smiled. Felix picked up stones and threw them into the water, he seemed nervous and Mickey knew Felix had something on his mind.  
“Spit it out.” Mickey said and Felix looked questioningly at him. “Spit out what's on your fucking mind, I see that you're fucking nervous.” Mickey shrugged his eyebrows.  
Felix sighed and asked “You ever thought about going back to Chicago?”  
“Fuck you is what I thought about.” Mickey answered.  
“Fuck, no shit Mickey, just answer my fucking question.” Felix growled.  
“Why should I go back? I'm a wanted man in the States, remember that part?” Mickey scoffed “What are you asking this stupid question for?” he continued.  
Felix sighed he knew Mickey would react that way “I got a call from Kathy, she's a friend of mine. She opened a new gallery in Chicago and she wants to exhibit some of my photographs and a few of my other works. So...”  
“So you're going to fucking Chicago?” Mickey interrupted him and raised his eyebrows.  
“Yeah and I want you to come with me.” Felix nodded and Mickey snuffed. “Just hear me out. Look Papa knows this guy Jesus, he can get you a new ID and all that shit.” Felix said.  
“Your dad knows Jesus?” Mickey scoffed and raised one of his eyebrows.  
“Yeah, why?” Felix asked and looked irritated at Mickey.  
“I met that fucking guy when I got here to fucking Mexico, I wanted him to do that fucking shit he normally does just the other way around, you know.” Mickey told him and scratched on of his eyebrows.  
“Shit, so you already met him.” Felix chuckled.  
“He's a fucking sweetheart.” Mickey scoffed and rolled his eyes.  
“Don't worry about that, Mickey, he owes Papa a favor, everything's carefully arranged already.” Felix smiled.  
Mickey looked questioningly at him “I guess I don't wanna know why he owes him a favor, huh?”  
“You don't need to know, Papa's just a good old business man.” Felix winked.  
“Fuck, okay fine. I guess I have no choice then?” Mickey asked and darted his tongue out to wet his lips.  
“Nope..we're leaving in 10 days.” he stated, stood up and started to get rid of his clothes. He went towards to water and shouted over his shoulder “Uh, yeah there's one thing I haven't told you yet, Papa said you have to dye your hair blond.” Felix threw his head back laughing like a little kid and jumped into the water.  
“He did say fucking what? You better be fucking joking, Felix what the fuck.. blond.. for fucks sake.. you better be kidding asshole.. I'll kick your goddamn ass, motherfucker!” Mickey barked and started to shed his clothes and walked towards the water.  
“I bet you'll look fucking fine as a blond.” Felix teased and spattered some water at Mickey. Mickey rubbed his upper lip with thumb and darted an angry look at Felix.  
“Shut the fuck up or I knock the fucking teeth outta your head.” he snapped and jumped into the water. As Mickey reached Felix he grabbed his waist and pulled him closer.  
“Fucking blond, huh?” he looked up and down on Felix and bit down on his bottom lip.  
“Yeah it'll help that people won't recognize you immediately, you know, you'll look smoking hot with blond hair.” Felix kissed Mickey, he leaned his forehead against Mickey's and looked him in his bright blue eyes “So you're coming with me?”  
“Yeah.” Mickey breathed against Felix' lips.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Mandy stayed the night at the Gallagher house, it was close to noon when she woke up. "Shit..” she yawned and mumbled “Good morning." Mandy got up from the bed, Ian grumbled and pulled the blanket over his head again, the day was too fucking bright. "Hey, you awake?" she asked and slightly squeezed his foot. Ian ignored her, Mandy let out a sigh, he could hear her picking up her clothes from the floor to put them on, God why was she so goddamn noisy. She went around the bed to Ian's side, Ian could feel her worried glance through the blanket and he started to get annoyed. "Ian, hey, you need to get up, don't you have work today?" she whispered and lifted the blanket to look at his face and there it was that worried glance Ian hated so much, why was everybody always so fucking worried about him, it was annoying as fuck. He knew that he looked like shit, his eyes were burning and he tossed and turned sleepless the whole fucking night. He couldn't stop thinking about Mickey's kisses, his soft touches and the words he said to him, the look on Mickey's face as he said that his heart was fucking broken, that all made Ian's heart hurt like a motherfucker. He never wanted to hurt Mickey that bad, four years ago he thought it was the right decision to leave Mickey, but as soon as he looked in his eyes again, kissed him again, touched him again, he knew that that was probably the worst decision he ever made.  
"Ian?" Mandy asked again.  
"Jesus Christ, leave me the fuck alone. I don't have work today, okay?" he shouted, why couldn't she understand that he just needed time to process all that shit that happened last night and probably a few things more, and he wasn't having a goddamn low, that shit had nothing to do with his fucking disease, he just needed some fucking time to think.  
Mandy eyes widened from shock and she jerked back, surprised by Ian's outburst.  
"Okay." she whispered and chewed on her bottom lip. “I gotta go.” she added softly, but Ian didn't react, she walked towards the door and took another worried look at Ian before she went out. Ian didn't want to be that harsh to Mandy, but he had other things on his mind, he pulled the blanket back over his head, it was easier to think under the blanket, it was much safer underneath there.

Mandy headed quietly downstairs, Lip was sitting in the kitchen his head leaned over a book.  
"Lip." she breathed and Lip startled, he didn't hear her coming.  
"Mandy? What... what are you doing here?" he looked surprised with wide eyes at her.  
"Ian wanted me to stay over the night, guess he wasn't feeling very well." she said and played nervously with her fingers.  
"O..Okay..you look good Mandy." Lip stated and scratched the back of his head. Mandy smiled, she looked down to her feet.

They didn't know what to say to each other, the silence between them was awkward. Mandy took a deep breath and stuttered "I think..maybe..ugh.. Ian... he doesn't want to get up, he seemed pretty distressed yesterday night and he barely slept...".  
"Shit, he seemed fine when he left, he was so happy to see you and he wouldn't shut the fuck up about you." Lip said and closed the book in front of him.  
"Yeah, he probably was happy until he saw Mickey again." Mandy looked at him and knitted her eyebrows, she didn't know why she said that to Lip, it was none of his fucking business.  
"What? Mickey's back? Jesus fucking Christ." Lip breathed. Mandy just nodded and looked nervously around.  
"Fuck." Lip sighed and brushed with his fingers through his hair.  
"You think that was too much stress.. uhm too much to handle for his mind?" Mandy asked concerned.  
"Shit...of course that was too much, fucking Mickey, always fucks everything up." Lip muttered.  
"Watch your mouth, asshole." Mandy snapped and glanced at Lip "He didn't do shit. You don't know shit about him and Ian, so shut up for fucks sake." Mandy barked, she wanted to punch him in his fucking face.  
  
   _"Another word and I'll blow your brains all over the fucking linoleum."_  
  
"Jesus, calm down Mandy." Lip put his hands up in defence.  
"I'm sick of you assholes always saying that Mickey's the fucking problem. He loved Ian and he took care of him, it's not his fault that Ian has this fucking disease." Mandy's eyes started to tear up and her voice was shaking of anger.  
"Hey, hey, Mandy...sorry..." Lip stood up and walked up to her. He wanted to put his hand on her shoulder but she took a step back.  
"Don't.. don't fucking touch me.." she whispered "Just.. just take an eye on him okay.." she added before she turned around and stormed out of the house.

Out there she ran into Debby "Mandy, holy shit what are you doing here?" Debby asked with a smile on her face, she was happy to see here.  
"Debby, damn, you're a grown ass woman now." she pulled Debby in a hug. Mandy always liked the youngest Gallagher girl, back in the days it felt like Debby was kind of looking up to her. "Oh and this little shit must be Franny, Ian told me you got knocked up a couple of years ago." Mandy grinned at the little girl and Franny smiled back.  
"Yeah that's Franny, she's my little sunshine." Debby told Mandy proud.  
"Mummy, who's this pretty lady?" Franny asked shyly.  
"This is Mandy, she's uncle Ian's best friend." Debby answered and smiled at her.  
"I gotta go Debs. Can you take an eye on Ian, he seemed a little off...didn't want to go out of bed and shit." Mandy looked concerned at Debby.  
"Yeah okay." Debby answered with a worried look in her eyes.  
"And call me when... you know." Mandy said quietly, Debby just nodded. Mandy left and made her way back to the Milkovich house.

Mickey was sitting in the kitchen and smoking when Mandy entered the house, mumbling to herself "Fucking asshole.. such a fucking prick.."  
"The fuck you've been? What's wrong?" Mickey asked with shrugged eyebrows.  
"I stayed at Ian's. That fucking bastard Lip is what's wrong.." Mandy snapped.  
"Always hated that damn asshole." Mickey stated and shrugged "Uhm something wrong with Gallagher?" he continued.  
"I don't know, he didn't want to get the fuck up...he looked the same fucking way he looked back then, when he was here and had his goddamn low." Mandy sighed, sat down on the kitchen table and grabbed Mickey's cigarette and took a few puffs. "Shit." Mickey said and ran a hand over his face. Was it his fault? Mickey's mind was racing and his eyes filled with tears, but he quickly blinked them away. “It's not my fucking problem anymore..” he repeated in his head.

3 days later Mandy called Ian "Hey Mands." he answered his phone and Mandy knew he smiled, he sounded better and a feeling of relieve washed over her.  
"Hey, how you doing, assface?" she sighed.  
"Better... Lip brought me to the clinic, got my meds adjusted and shit..." Ian said and this words took a load off Mandy's mind.  
"Glad to hear that, fucker.. you wanna meet up on Sunday?" she asked.  
"Yeah sure, text me when and where." Ian answered.  
"Okay see you. Bye." Mandy smiled.  
"Bye Mands, see you." Ian sighed and they hung up.  
Mickey knocked on Mandy's door before he rushed in and asked "Hey you planning to grab some groceries? Nothing to eat in this shit house and I'm fucking starving." he stated. Mandy didn't answer, she was still staring at her phone, she was still a little worried about Ian.  
"The fuck's up, someone dead or some shit?" Mickey asked curiosly, hoping that everything was fine with Ian.  
"Shut up, asswipe... I'm just worried about Ian... he seems still a little off.." Mandy said quietly, Mickey sighed, shook his head and scratched his bottom lip, he didn't want Mandy to recognize that he was worried as fuck about the redhead.  
Mandy growled "Yeah, yeah I know... It's not your fucking problem... What do we need? Eggs, milk..?"  
"The fuck should I know...just bring some shit to eat." Mickey snapped and walked out of her room and closed the door behind him. He sat down on the couch and switched on the TV to keep his mind occupied, but it didn't help, his mind was always drifting off to Ian, he was worried about the redhead. He remembered how fucking frightening Ian's disease could be, how self-destructive his behavior could be, how Ian laid in his bed and didn't want to get up, that one morning he came back from shooting a fucking porno, when he ran away with Yvegeny, when he came back from his trip with fucking Monica and broke up with him, those memories haunted him even in his sleep.

   _“You used to love me. Now you don't even know who I am. Shit, I don't know who I am half the time.”  
   "I don't want you sitting around, worrying, watching me, waiting for me to do my next crazy shit.”  
   “What the hell is wrong with you?”_  
 _“Too much! Too much is wrong with me. That's the problem, isn't it?_  
 _Too much is wrong with me, and you can't do anything about that. You can't change it._  
 _You can't fix me, 'cause I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed, okay? I'm me!”_

"Fuck." Mickey muttered and ran his hand over his face. The front door opened and Felix was rushing through it.  
"Hey..." the man smiled at Mickey "...no offense but you look like shit Mickey."  
"Thanks asshole, could barely sleep last night..." Mickey answered.  
"Aww you missed me? Couldn't sleep without me by your side, that's so fucking sweet." Felix teased.  
"Shut the fuck up, I'm not in the mood for that shit right now." Mickey growled.  
Felix raised his hands in defense "Okay sorry, grumpy man." Mickey rolled his eyes, sometimes he could kill Felix for his fucking jokes. "You sure everything's fine? I don't want to head back home, when I know something's wrong." Felix suddenly said and looked concerned at Mickey.  
"Huh?" Mickey looked puzzled at Felix.  
Felix rolled his eyes "You really forgot about that, didn't you?"  
"Forgot fucking what?" Mickey snapped.  
"Dumbass, I'm leaving next Monday, I'm flying home for 2 or 3 weeks, remember that?" Felix said upset and lend against the door frame.  
"I did NOT forget, I just fucking forgot it'll be already next Monday." Mickey said softly, stood up and walked towards Felix and kissed him.  
"So how was work, you finally done with that light installing shit?" Mickey asked.  
"I think tonight we'll finish it." Felix nodded "I'm fucking exhausted, I'll go sleep." he put a peck on Mickey's cheek and headed to the bedroom. Mickey sighed and looked down to his feet.  
"Hey asshole?" Felix shouted from the bedroom, Mickey startled and looked questioningly at him. "You coming or what?" Felix continued with a grin on his face. Mickey smiled and stepped up to Felix.  
"I'm sorry for forgetting and shit...I'll make it up to you..." Mickey said softly.  
"Yeah?" Felix smiled.  
"Yeah." Mickey nodded and grinned at the other man.

The day seemed to pass by in a minute, Felix left for work again and Mandy was out with a customer or some kind of shit. Mickey was alone in the Milkovich house, he decided to order pizza, smoke some weed and watch a movie. He was half through the movie when he got a message, Micky was confused, no one except Mandy and Felix had his new number and they barely sent him messages. Mickey picked up his phone from the couch table and sighed, it was a message from Ian.

"You home?"  
"Why?"  
"Anybody else there?"  
*middlefinger emoticon*  
"I'm outside."

Mickey rolled his eyes and sighed, he stood up from the couch and headed to the front door. He swung it open and started to shout "The fuck you..." Mickey startled 'cause Ian was standing right in front of him.  
"Jesus Christ, why do you always have to fucking yell." Ian said and walked past Mickey to enter the house. Mickey looked at him and bit down his bottom lip "Gallagher, the fuck you doing here?" Mickey sighed and scratched his eyebrow with his thumb.  
"I just wanted to see you Mick." Ian shrugged. Mickey snuffed and shook his head. They stood there and just stared at each other, none of them able to speak a word. Both of them seemed to try to memorize every single inch of the other man.  
"Fuck." Mickey breathed, closed his eyes and rubbed his nose bridge.  
"Mick..." Ian took a step closer to the other man and laid his hand on his shoulder.  
Mickey jerked back at his touch and whispered "Don't.."  
Ian opened his mouth again but before he could say anything Mickey asked a single word "Why?"  
Ian knew exactly what Mickey meant, he wanted to know why he left him at the fucking border almost 4 years ago.  
"I don't w.." Ian stuttered, he didn't know where he should start.  
Mickey glanced at him "Just spit it out Gallagher, come on say it... I wasn't worth the risk... I wasn't enough to leave all this behind, I'll never be enough..." Mickey spit.  
Ian sighed and suddenly he got angry "I was scared..." he almost screamed.  
"Fuck, you're always scared." Mickey interrupted him again.  
"I didn't want to leave my family behind, like Monica always did. I didn't want to be another fucking Monica, okay? Fuck." Ian's eyes were pooling with tears.  
"Okay enough.. Don't bring up your fucking mother.. Just because you have the same disease, it doesn't mean you're like her.. You're so much better than that batshit crazy bitch." Mickey snapped.  
"Mick, I was scared that my family would think I had another episode and left. Because that's what she always did...I didn't want them to be worried about me..." Ian cried and he could barely speak "They needed me here and I needed them...Jesus Christ, Debby got a little girl, Lip was dropped out of college and he drank his breakfast, lunch and dinner, and Fiona fucked around like there was no tomorrow and gave a shit for the rest of us... You think it was easy to leave you, the love of my fucking life...? You think I didn't regret it?" Ian blurt out.  
There it was he spoke it out loud... the love of his live... Ian said only one time that he loved Mickey, it was at the border right before the other man left, back then Mickey wasn't sure if he really meant it or just said it to make him feel better.

"Come here." Mickey whispered and grabbed Ian by his jacket and pulled him closer. Mickey looked him deep in the eyes before pressed his lips on Ian's. Ian let out a little moan, the kiss was messy and breathtaking, their tongues were exploring each others mouth, their teeth were clashing together, needy and desperate for more. Ian ran his fingers through Mickey's hair and pressed his body even tighter against Mickey's. Mickey's hands were wandering from Ian's neck down to his chest and stomach, Ian hummed into Mickey's mouth, but suddenly Mickey pulled back a little from Ian's lips, Ian whimpered and his eyes looked desperately into Mickey's. Mickey leaned his forhead against Ian's and breathed against his lips "I fucking missed you."  
Ian pressed his lips back on Mickey's, he kissed him slow and loving, the kiss was full of unspoken feelings and old memories. When they ended the kiss both man were a little out of breath and smiled shyly at each other.  
  
"You need to go, Ian." Mickey sighed and chewed on his bottom lip, he knew, where this would end if Ian would stay.  
"But Mick, I want to..." Ian whined and exhaled loudly.  
"Save it for the next time...just...please...go, before I tell you not to..." Mickey put his hand on Ian's cheek and caressed it.  
"So there will be a next time?" Ian asked with a little smile on his face.  
"Fuck you." Mickey smiled and flipped him off.  
Ian grinned and before he left, he pecked Mickey's cheek "I missed you too, Mick." He walked out of the house, closed the front door behind him and went down the stairs of the front porch. He turned around, looked at the house, took a deep breath and smiled. For now Ian was the happiest human being on earth and maybe Mickey felt the same way. This wasn't over, no he could feel it begin again and that feeling was fucking great.

Mickey stood in the living room, staring at the front door, what the fuck did he do? Why couldn't he let his hands off of Ian? Why would he always go back to him, even now when he had someone new he loved? Someone he wanted to fucking marry.  How could he do this to Felix? He was such a fucking asshole. He knew he shouldn't have come back to Chicago, he knew as soon as he was back on the South Side, he would be under Ian's spell again, the fucking redhead always turned his whole goddamn world upside down. Mickey wanted to scream, he wanted to smash someone's head and at the same time he wanted to embrace the whole goddamn world. Mickey couldn't help himself, he never stopped loving Ian, he was the love of his life, he was under his skin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation: 
> 
> Scheiß drauf = fuck it  
> Heilige vadammte Scheiße = Holy fucking shit  
> Host des ghert olta = Did you fucking hear that?  
> I werd den Mickey fucking Milkovich heiratn = I'm gonna marry Mickey fucking Milkovich  
> Den scheiß berühmten South Side thug = the fucking famous South Side thug  
> A konnst den Scheiß glaben? = Can you believe this shit?  
> Schatz = honey, babe  
> Papa = dad


	5. Even the little shit knows what's up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dad, I made this for you.." Yevy smiled proudly and gave Mickey his drawing, it showed Ian and Mickey holding hands.  
> "Thanks, Yevy." Mickey smiled, he was thankful as fuck that Felix was still in bed, he would freak the fuck out about the drawing.  
> "Even that little shit knows what's up." Svetlana raised her eyebrows and grinned at Mickey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is about Svetlana's and Yevgeny's visit, about Mickey discovering his new feelings for his son, and about Ian and Mickey ending up together on the couch at Milkovich house and being happy, but unfortunately that doesn't last very long...

"Nervous?" Felix asked Mickey with raised eyebrows as he walked out of the bedroom and saw the man wandering up and down the living room.  
"Huh?" Mickey startled a little, he didn't hear Felix coming out of the other room, his mind was too busy with thinking about what possibly would happen in the next few minutes.  
Felix laughed a little and stepped up to Mickey, he put his hand on Mickey's shoulder and squeezed it slightly "Don't worry, I bet he's super excited to see you, Mickey, he loves you."  
"You think so?" Mickey asked with knitted eyebrows and darted out his tongue to wet his lips, Jesus he really needed a cigarette to calm down his fucking nerves.  
"Yeah, I'm quite sure about that, I mean he's your son, he has to love you, right?" Felix winked and laughed a little. Mickey didn't laugh, that wasn't funny at all, he was nervous as fuck, what if Yevy didn't like him, what if he didn't want him as his dad? Mickey sat down on the couch, rubbed with his hand over his burning eyes, he barely slept last night, he couldn't stop thinking about his son. He was nervously jiggling his foot and playing with his fingers, when they heard a knock on the door.

"Fuck." Mickey breathed and ran his hand over his face, he looked with wide eyes at Felix, and the other man knew, that Mickey was too nervous to stand up and open the door, so he took over that part. Felix pecked Mickey’s cheek and smiled reassuring at him before he headed towards the door and opened it.  
Out on the front porch stood a beautiful woman with dark brown hair and green eyes, Svetlana, she looked at him and asked dryly "You are new boyfriend of my shitty ex-husband?"  
Felix smirked and nodded "Hi I'm Felix, I guess you're Svetlana." Svetlana nodded and laid her hand on the head of the little boy, who was hiding behind her. The boy peeked shyly around Svetlana's legs, Felix looked down at him and smiled friendly "Hey little man, you must be Yevgeny." Yevy came out from his hiding and smiled back at Felix.  
"You're not my dad, where's my dad?" Yevgeny asked with knitted eyebrows, Felix had to hold back his laughter, Yevgeny looked like a little Mickey with that expression on his face.  
"Your dad is in the living room, go and say hello to him." Felix said and the little boy smiled and nodded excited.

Yevgeny went quickly to the living room, but abruptly stopped when he saw Mickey. The boy was staring at his father with his mouth a little open, Mickey was staring back, Yevy got really big since the last time he saw him about 4 years ago. Mickey felt a sting in his heart, he had so much missed of Yevy’s life, his first steps, his first word, his first day of Kindergarten, his first day of school and so much more. Mickey and Svetlana stayed in contact over the years while he was in Mexico, she called him every once in a while and sent him photos from Yevy, but now his kid was standing right in front of him, and his feelings were almost too much to handle at that moment, he could feel the tears wailing up in his eyes, he blinked them quickly away, he didn’t want Yevy to think that seeing him made him sad. Mickey stood there glued to the spot, he didn’t know what he should do next, if he should hug Yevy or some shit like that, but thankfully Yevy took that decision out of his hands.  
"Dad." the boy breathed scarcely audible and ran towards Mickey, wrapped his arms around his waist and just like a reflex Mickey laid a hand on Yevy's head and one on his back and hugged him back. Mickey's heart burst with joy, the little shit was really happy to see him and he called him fucking ‘dad’.  
"Jesus, you got really big, kid." Mickey ruffled Yevgeny's hair and Yevy laughed. Mickey kneed down a little, cupped Yevy’s smiling face with his hands and scanned every inch of it, he looked in Yevy’s eyes, they were as blue as his own “I missed you, dad.” the little boy said with a quiet voice. Mickey smiled, gave the boy another tight hug and breathed “I missed you too, Yevy.” and Yevy chuckled happily.  
When Mickey let go, the little boy said with knitted eyebrows "What's with your hair, dad?"  
Mickey laughed and scratched his head "Felix thought it would look good, so I decided to give it a try. What do you think?"  
"Hmm, I like it, you look just like me now." the little boy grinned at him and Mickey mirrored his grin. Mickey never thought that one day he would feel something different than dislike for that little shit, he never thought that one day he would be able to love him. When Yevgeny was born he didn't give a shit about him, he could barely look at the kid, to be honest he felt nothing but disgust for him, whenever he looked at the baby boy, he reminded him of the fucking rape, the goddamn wedding, the whole fucking life Terry had chosen for him, but he never fucking wanted.

 _“It’s not the baby’s fault you guys are a shit show.”  “Yeah and it’s not my fault the bitch got knocked up. The fuck knows if it’s even mine.”_  
  
_“Do you even want to know your son’s name?” “Fuck you. That’s his name.”_

Almost 7 years later, Mickey's feelings for his son were so fucking different, with every time Yevgeny called him 'dad', it made him happy as fuck and he knew he was finally ready to be the father his son deserved, a good one, not such a fuck-up dad like Terry was for him.

During his time in the joint Mickey had a lot fucking time to think about his fucked up life and at some point he eventually realized that Svetlana was also a fucking victim, she came to America, ‘cause her father sold her to slavery. She was forced into prostitution and fucking Terry used her to fuck the gay out of him, she just tripped in that shit almost 8 years ago, it could’ve been any other hooker. She was forced at gunpoint to fuck him, maybe it was her fault that she got pregnant, but yeah shit happened. And little Yevy, he was just a baby, born into this fucked up family, disowned from his father, he only got his mother and she did fucking everything for him. So when Mickey planned his break out from prison, he decided, he wouldn't only contact Ian, but also Svetlana. Even though they were already divorced, he wanted to tell her and Yevy goodbye and he wanted to tell her that he was fucking sorry, for always treating her like shit, for leaving her alone with the kid, just for fucking everything.

In the meantime Felix and Svetlana also entered the house, Svetlana walked slowly towards the living room, her eyes were wandering around the house, she raised her eyebrows and stated "I see house is still shithole."  
Mickey rolled his eyes, but still had a little smile on his face "Hey Svetlana, long time no see." He stepped up to her and even to his own surprise he pulled her in a hug, it was good to see her.  
Svetlana smiled back at him, grabbed a strand of his hair and eyeballed it "What did you do with hair?" she asked and raised on of her eyebrows.  
Mickey just nodded towards Felix and the other man shrugged "I thought it would look good, was I that wrong?"  
"No, looks good. Now Yevy is even more like little version of you." Svetlana smiled and Mickey looked questioningly at her. "He has big mouth like you, is a stubborn little shit sometimes, he reminds me a lot of you." Svetlana smirked. Felix barked out a laugh and Mickey shoot a glance at him.

Yevgeny didn't want to let go of the idea to go ice skating, so they spent the afternoon at the ice-skating rink. They were already on the ice when Mandy came by, she walked up to them and leaned against the barrier of the rink, she was watching them for a little while, Mickey could barely stand on the ice without falling on his ass, Mandy laughed loud, her brother looked fucking hilarious. She put on her skates and went on the ice, she skated slowly towards the others, they didn’t notice that she was already there. Mandy hugged Yevy from behind and put a kiss on his cheek. At first the little boy was irritated, but as soon as he recognized it was Mandy his face lit up and he shouted excited “Mandy!” Yevy turned around and hugged his aunt again, a little too enthusiastic, Mandy and Yevy fell down on the ice, Mandy started laughing and Yevy joined in. They got up from the ice and Mandy said still laughing “Hey guys.” she hugged Felix, Mickey and Svetlana “Fucking good to see you.” she whispered in Svetlana’s ear and the other woman replied “You too, Mandy. You look good.” Mandy blushed a little and gave her attention back to Yevy.

Felix, Mandy and Yevy were still on the ice fooling around, when Mickey took a break and sat down on a bench beside Svetlana.  
"He is nice man and he is good with Yevy." Svetlana stated.  
"Yeah, he's great." Mickey smiled and looked at the man who was laughing with Mandy and Yevy on the ice.  
"You love him?" Svetlana suddenly asked dryly.  
"What the..? ...Of...of course I do…" Mickey stuttered, Svetlana's question took him by surprise, the conversation felt kinda familiar.  
  
_"You love him?" "Maybe. I don't know."_  
  
"So you don’t love carrot boy anymore?" Svetlana asked and Mickey looked at her with knitted eyebrows.  
"I don’t fucking know…” he answered, when he saw that knowing look on her face he added harshly “…but that's none of your fucking business."  
She sneered "I knew, when you come back here you will love orange boy again. You two are like magnets or shit, you cannot stay away from each other."  
Mickey looked with raised eyebrows at her, what the hell was the point of that conversation? He closed his eyes, scratched his nose bridge and exhaled loudly. Svetlana lighted a cigarette, took a deep puff and blew out the smoke "I think the love you and carrot boy have is enviable. You went to Mexico and he stayed, years passed and you still love each other, if you ask me this means something, it’s like fairy tale story, just with two gays. I think it's mistake if you marry this Austrian boy." Svetlana said and took another puff.  
"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Mickey spat, shook his head and looked away from her.  
"Don't play dumb, you know exactly what I’m talking." Svetlana said, stood up and leaned against the barrier of the ice rink and watched Felix, Mandy and Yevy.  
She turned around to look at Mickey again and asked "You staying here?"  
"You mean in Chicago?" Mickey asked back and chewed on his inner cheek.  
"If you stay, I can bring Yevy more often so you can spend time with him. He loves you." Svetlana's look softened.  
"I was thinking about it, yeah." Mickey answered honestly. Ever since he came here with Felix he knew he probably wouldn't leave this shithole again. He knew if he would go back to Mexico he wouldn't see Yevy grow up and he already missed so much of his life.

Svetlana refused to stay the night at the Milkovich house, she said there were too many bad memories caught in those walls and it would probably give her nightmares. Mickey couldn't blame her, he hated the house as much as she did and they experienced plenty of bad memories together in there. The next morning Felix and Mickey made their way to Svetlana's hotel and they went to a near diner to eat breakfast. Yevy babbled about his school and teachers and Mickey listened carefully and dropped "Oh’s" and "Ah’s" here and there.  
"Dad are we visiting Uncle Ian today, momma said I have to ask you." Yevy suddenly changed the subject. Mickey glanced at Svetlana, who sneered at him and wagged her eyebrows. Felix looked at Mickey, eager what he would say to the little boy.  
"Uhm Yevy I don't... I think Ian is very busy and I don't think he has time to see you today." Mickey slowly answered.  
"You think he doesn't want to see me?" Yevy asked with a sad look on his face.  
"No...no...I bet he'd love to see you, he always loved spending time with you." Mickey smiled reassuring at the little boy.  
"So we call him and ask if he wants to see me?" Yevy went on. Mickey looked help seeking at Svetlana and Felix.  
"Sure, I bet he will be super excited to see you, little man." Felix said and smiled at the little boy, but Mickey could see that Felix wasn't happy at all about that idea.  
"Cool." Yevy clapped his hands in excitement and his face beamed.  
Svetlana turned her head to look at Mickey "You call carrot boy, you have phone number."  
Felix knitted his eyebrows and looked irritated between them.  
Mickey rolled his eyes and sighed "Okay, fine, I call him." he could hear Felix' angry snort. Mickey stood up from the table, he wanted to go outside while he called the redhead, he could feel Felix' angry glance in his back.  
  
"Mick?" Ian answered the call after the second ring.  
"Hey Gallagher...Svetlana is here with Yevy and the little shit didn't want to shut up about wanting to see you..." Mickey said, he didn't know how he should ask him if he wanted to come.  
"Yevy is here in Chicago?" Ian asked excited, Mickey could hear that he was smiling.  
"Yeah, so you got time?" Mickey asked quickly.  
"Of course, it's my day off and I'd love to see him." Ian answered with a soft voice. Mickey smiled, he knew that Ian would come to see Yevy, 'though he was kinda hoping that his answer would be no, he didn't know how he should handle that whole situation with him and Felix.  
"I'll text you where and when Svetlana wants to meet up, okay?" Mickey sighed and scratched on of his eyebrows with his thumb.  
"Great, will you be there?" Ian asked innocently.  
"Fuck you." Mickey answered and he could imagine the dumb smile on the redhead's face.  
"See you later, Mick." Ian laughed before he hung up. Mickey stood in the front of the diner and smiled like an idiot to himself, the thought of spending time with Ian and Yevy made his heart skip a beat. When he went back inside, he tried to hide his anticipation and put on a poker face. Felix looked at him with raised eyebrows, Mickey could see that he didn't feel happy about the fact that they would spent a couple of hours with Ian.  
"You called Ian?" Yevy asked curios with raised eyebrows.  
"Yeah, he'd love to spent time with you, little man." Mickey smiled at him.  
"Cool." the little boys face lit up and Svetlana wagged her eyebrows at Mickey. Mickey mouthed a sorry at Felix, Felix shook his head hardly noticeable, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Yevy wanted to the see the dinosaurs’ exhibition at the Field Museum so they took the L to go there. During the drive Felix was talking to his mother on the phone "Na Mama, er konn net mitkuman... wals net geht...jo Mama... na... schau i erklärs da, wenn i daham bin...jo passt... pfiati Mama...jo moch i...jo Mama...tschau..." Mickey always thought it was hilarious when Felix talked in his mother tongue, he knew it wasn't really German, he knew it was some kind of accent they spoke in Austria.  
When Felix hung up he sighed loud "My mother's a pain in the ass, she keeps asking and asking when she'll finally meet you."  
"She would love me, I'm every parents dream, all charming and shit." Mickey laughed at him.  
"Shut up..." Felix grimaced, but joined in Mickey's laughter.  
Felix phone went off again and he groaned "I bet it's her again." but it was Kathy, his friend from the gallery. "What? Are you fucking kidding me? No... fuck... No... Yeah I'm coming." Felix said and hung up. Mickey looked questioningly at him. "Aagh fuck, I gotta go, Kathy needs me at the fucking gallery. I'm sorry." Felix sighed and ran with his hand over his face.  
"It's okay, don't worry...we'll meet at home." Mickey said understanding, he knew how important that whole gallery shit was to Felix.  
"You're leaving?" Yevy asked and looked up to Felix.  
"Sorry little man, a friend of mine needs help." Felix said apologetically to the little boy.  
"Okay..." the boy shrugged, but he seemed sad "...but I'll see you later right?" Yevy raised his eyebrows.  
"Yeah of course, I promised you we'll watch Finding Nemo, so we're watching Finding Nemo." Felix winked and ruffled Yevy's hair and the little boy smiled again.

When they arrived at the Museum Ian was already there waiting for them and he looked fucking good, his face lit up as soon as he saw them coming. Yevy sprinted towards him and shouted "Ian."  
"Hey little man, Jesus, you got big." Ian smiled at him and scooped him up, Yevy chuckled happily and Ian put him back down.  
"Carrot boy." Svetlana said with a smile on her face.  
"Hey Lana." Ian grinned and stepped forward to pull the woman in a hug.  
"You're alone?" Ian raised his eyebrows at Mickey, and his smile got brighter.  
"Yeah, Felix went to the gallery, an art emergency or some shit." Mickey shrugged and rubbed his bottom lip with his thumb.  
  
They were wandering around the museum, Ian and Yevy were telling each other stories to every dinosaur they saw, Yevy enjoyed Ian's attention. Mickey needed a little break, he leaned against a wall and looked at Ian and Yevy, the boys smile reached from ear to ear, Mickey saw that the little kid was fucking happy.  
"Yevy loves carrot boy." Svetlana said, she stood beside Mickey and watched them too.  
"Yeah, Gallagher was always good with the kid." Mickey smiled. A few years ago they were a family, even though it was just for a very short time, but that memory made Mickey's heart flutter and seeing Ian with Yevy there all happy and shit did something to his heart...it felt like love, like family, like home.  
  
Mickey shook his head slightly to get rid of those thoughts and he looked at Svetlana and breathed "I need a smoke." Svetlana nodded but said nothing, he stood up and left the museum. He stepped out in the fresh air and took a few deep breaths. Why couldn't he left that all behind him, why was his heart still screaming and begging for the redhead. In Mexico everything felt so goddamn good with Felix, he fell in love with him, he said fucking yes to his proposal and it felt fucking right, but back there in Chicago all what happened in Mexico felt so fucking far away, it kinda felt like it didn't even really happen and somehow it felt fucking wrong. Mickey lighted a cigarette, took a deep puff, laid his head in his neck, closed his eyes and breathed out the smoke.  
"Everything alright?" he heard Ian asking.  
"I just needed a smoke." Mickey opened his eyes and looked at him.  
"Uh...okay...Yevy's a really great kid." Ian smiled at Mickey.  
"Yeah." Mickey nodded and smiled proudly "Hardly to believe he's the son of a fucked up escapee and a former Russian handjob whore, huh?" Mickey grinned and Ian shook his head but chuckled amused.  
"It's good seeing you happy, Mick." Ian said and buried his hands in the pockets of his jacket.  
"It took a while, but I think I'm doing good now." Mickey said and looked away from Ian.  
"Thanks for calling me, I really missed Yevy. Since Svetlana moved away a year ago I haven't seen him. Never got the time to visit them." Ian scratched the back of his head.  
"You spent time with him after I left?" Mickey asked surprised and raised one of his eyebrows.  
  
    _“I took care of the baby. I fed the baby. I sang to the baby. I love that baby.”  
_

"Of course I did, I love Yevy." Ian simply answered. There was that feeling in Mickey's heart again and he wanted to kiss Ian so badly.  
Mickey's thoughts were interrupted by Yevy's question "Ian, you wanna come with us and watch Finding Nemo?" Ian looked questioningly at Mickey, who just shrugged his shoulders.  
"I'd love to." Ian smiled at the little boy.  
Svetlana cleared her throat and said "Fine, so tonight Yevgeny sleeps with you. I have meeting and he's not staying alone at hotel." Svetlana stated and looked from Mickey to Ian.  
"Uhm .. okay.." Mickey stuttered and nodded.  
"Dad, Felix, Ian, and me are having a sleepover." Yevy shouted excited and Ian barked out a laugh.  
Mickey bit down his bottom lip and swallowed hard "We'll see about that."  
"Okay." Yevy shrugged, but the smile stayed on his face.  
Svetlana kissed Yevgeny's forehead and said something in Russian, Ian and Mickey didn't understand, she said goodbye to them and left.

The three took the L back to the Milkovich house and Ian and Yevy were talking about all the dinosaurs they saw at the museum. Mickey's mind was occupied, Ian was coming with them, Felix would freak the fuck out when he would come home and Ian would be there.  
Mickey startled when his phone went off, he took it out of his jacket and looked at it, it was Felix.  
Mickey answered his phone “Hey, how's it going?”  
Felix exhaled loudly "Hey Mickey, it's a fucking mess, the lightening installation is fucked and it will probably take the whole fucking night to repair that damn fucking piece of shit." Felix cursed in his phone, Mickey smiled, when they met Felix didn't curse that much, he was a really bad influence.  
"Fuck...Okay, no problem I'll explain it to Yevy. Don't make it too long, okay?" Mickey sighed and darted his tongue out to wet his lips.  
"Tell him I'm so fucking sorry...Mickey I have to go, I love you, see you early in the morning I guess." Felix said with a sad tone in his voice.  
"Love you too. Bye." Mickey said and hung up. Ian and Yevy were both staring at him "Felix is still at work, he can't make it tonight. He's very sorry, little man." Mickey looked at Yevy and caressed his head.  
"It's okay, dad, we make a sleepover just with Ian." the little man smiled. Mickey didn't want to temper the boys delight and just smiled and nodded at him. Ian still stared at him, in his eyes was something Mickey couldn't really read, was it anger, sadness, jealousy? Ian looked away and dedicated his attention to Yevy again.

Ian, Mickey and Yevy were sitting at the couch in the Milkovich house and the movie was only half through when Yevy fell asleep. Mickey stood carefully up so he didn't wake him. He went outside the front door to smoke, 'cause Svetlana said he shouldn't smoke in the house while Yevgeny was there. He lighted a cigarette and took a deep puff, his eyes were looking at the sky, the door opened and Ian came outside.  
"Shit, it's fucking cold tonight." Ian said shivering and lighted a cigarette.  
"Yeah man, what do you expect it's fucking winter." Mickey rolled his eyes, they were still pinned to the sky, there wasn't a single star to see. Back in Mexico Felix and him used to walk along the beach at night, watching the stars, he kinda missed that cheesy shit. Ian and Mickey stayed silent for the rest of the smoke, they just glanced at each other when they thought the other one wasn't looking.

They went back inside and Yevy was still sound asleep on the couch, Mickey lifted the little boy up, took him to Iggy's former room and laid him down on the bed. He covered the boy with a blanket and caressed his cheek "Good night, little man." he whispered. Mickey went back to the living room and sank into the couch and sighed "He's totally knocked out."  
"Yeah? .. uhm so maybe I should go now..." Ian slowly said and took a deep breath, he stood up from the couch, he grabbed his jacket and was about to open the door. "Don't..." Mickey simply said.  
"Huh?" Ian turned around and looked irritated at him.  
Mickey cleared his throat and repeated "Don't go."  
Ian dropped his jacket and stepped up to Mickey, looked him deep in the eyes and asked "You want me to stay?" Mickey didn't say anything, he just nodded and chewed on his bottom lip.  
Ian closed his eyes and took a deep breath "Okay." he sat back on the couch right beside Mickey. Mickey's knee touched Ian's thigh, even that little touch made Mickey's heart jump, and like a reflex Mickey laid his hand on Ian's thigh. Ian could feel the heat of the other man's hand, his whole body was vibrating and his heart seemed to skip a beat. Ian looked from the TV to Mickey's hand and he laid his hand on Mickey's and interlaced their fingers. Mickey's heart was racing, he thought it would jump out of his chest at any minute. What was he doing? Why did he say Ian should stay?  
  
They just sat there in a comfortable silence with their fingers interlaced, staring at the TV, both of them enjoying the other man's presence. Ian turned his head a little to look at Mickey, his green eyes met Mickey's blue eyes, he opened his mouth and began “Mick, I...”  
“Gallagher...just shut up...I just want to watch this movie with you by my side and hold your goddamn hand, okay?” Mickey sighed and looked quickly back at the TV.  
"Okay." Ian whispered, squeezed Mickey's hand slightly and smiled.  
  
Mickey fell asleep, his head leaned against Ian's shoulder, his fingers still intertwined with Ian's.  
He carefully freed his hand from Mickey's and gently laid the other man down on the couch, Ian went to Mickey's room, grabbed his blanket, walked back to the living room and put the blanket over Mickey. Ian sat down at the edge of the couch and put a kiss on Mickey's head and whispered "I love you, Mick and I always will." He swept gently over his face, Mickey mumbled something unintelligible and Ian smiled down at him. Mickey looked peaceful and fucking beautiful when he was asleep, Ian couldn't resist, he kissed Mickey's soft lips. Ian was surprised that Mickey responded the kiss, he thought he was asleep, he felt Mickey's hand on the back of his head and they deepened the kiss. It was a soft, loving and somehow innocent kiss.  
"I love you too." Mickey breathed against Ian's lips when they ended the kiss. Ian cupped Mickey's face with his hands and Mickey caressed Ian's neck, time seemed to stand still, green eyes looked into blue eyes and it felt like they've never been apart and for both it felt like finally being back home.

The front door swung open and they jerked away from each other, Ian was standing now and Mickey got up in a sitting position. "The fuck?" Felix shouted as he saw the both men, they were looking at him like deer caught in headlights.  
"What is he doing here, Mickey?" Felix spit loudly.  
"Calm the fuck down and lower your goddamn voice, Yevy is already sleeping, you'll wake him up when you keep shouting like a fucking moron." Mickey hissed. Felix darted a look at him and shook his head in disbelieve and raised one of his eyebrows.  
Mickey sighed "Yevy invited Gallagher to watch the fucking movie, when the movie was over he wanted to watch another one, we passed out on the couch, it was a fucking long day. Gallagher was so nice and took Yevy to Iggy's room, before he tried to wake me up and yeah then you stormed in and started yelling." Ian glanced at him kind of surprised how calm Mickey told Felix that lie.  
"Fine, okay." Felix sighed and put his hands up in defeat and he stormed in Mickey's room, mumbling something Mickey and Ian couldn't understand. Mickey let out his breath, not aware that he was holding it in, he looked at Ian and simply said “Go.”  
Ian nodded, glanced towards Mickey's bedroom, when he saw that the door was closed, he pecked Mickey's lips, he grabbed his jacket and smiled “Bye, Mick.” and went out of the front door, Mickey smiled back. Mickey's heart was still pounding fast as the front door closed, he rubbed his face with his hand and took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He stood up, grabbed his blanket from the couch and shuffled to his room.  
As soon as he opened the door Felix snapped "You must be fucking kidding me. You invited him to come over here? Mickey this..this is..fuck.. did you fuck him or some shit? Did I interrupt you? You looked like fucking deer caught in the headlights when I came in." Felix scoffed and gesticulated angrily .  
Mickey couldn't hold back and started to laugh, he didn't even know why, maybe he wanted to cover his nervousness.  
Felix eyes widened and he looked irritated at him "The fuck are you laughing at?"  
"Sorry.. it's just.." Mickey couldn't stop laughing, Felix was getting even more angry at him and narrowed his eyes. Mickey pressed his lips together, trying to hold back his laughter and Felix raised his eyebrows.  
"Sorry...fuck...no we didn't fuck or some shit.. you serious?.. and as I already said I didn't invite him, Yevy did." Mickey sighed and chewed on his inner cheek.  
"You sure?" Felix asked, he was still not convinced.  
"I'm fucking sure, yeah." Mickey nodded at Felix.  
"I gotta sleep now, I'm exhausted as fuck, can barely keep my eyes open." Felix stated still pissed and fell down on the bed, Mickey shed his clothes and laid down in front of him. "I love you." Felix whispered, put a kiss behind Mickey's ear and wrapped an arm around him, Mickey just hummed as response and fell asleep. Felix was still wide awake an hour later, he couldn't sleep, he lighted a cigarette and stared at his sleeping boyfriend, his mind wouldn't shut off. Mickey's reaction to his question if he fucked Ian was odd. Usually Mickey would counter with anger when he didn't do something wrong, but this time he fucking laughed. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Was he fucking lying?

Felix was still asleep the next day when Svetlana came by and picked Yevy up to head back home.  
"Dad, I made this for you and Ian." Yevy smiled proudly and gave Mickey a drawing, it showed two man, one with blond hair and one with red hair, they were holding hands and they had big wide smiles on their faces.  
"Thanks, little man." Mickey smiled, he was thankful as fuck that Felix was still in bed, he would freak the fuck out about the drawing.  
"Felix is still in bed, try to wake him up and say goodbye." Mickey said to Yevy.  
"Okay." the little boy replied and headed towards the bedroom. Mickey took another look at the drawing, sighed, folded the piece of paper and put it in the back pocket of his trousers.  
"Even the little shit knows what's up. He told me that carrot boy was here last night. You had fun?" Svetlana raised her eyebrows and grinned at Mickey.  
"Shut up, nothing happened, just watched the movie with the kid." Mickey snorted. Yevy came back from the bedroom, Mickey pulled the little man in a tight hug and as they let go he ruffled his hair and said "Be a good kid, you hear me? Listen to your mum and don't do any stupid sh..stuff, okay?"  
"Yeah, dad." Yevy rolled his eyes but grinned at his dad. Mickey and Svetlana hugged each other "Take care, Svetlana...and uhm..thanks for coming with Yevy." Mickey said and Svetlana nodded.  
Before she got in the cab she turned around and said "Listen to your heart, it will tell you what to do." Mickey rolled his eyes, he wanted to flip her off, but he didn't do it because Yevy was looking, so he just darted a glance at her. Yevy waved out of the backseat window, Mickey smiled at his son and waved back. Mickey stood on the front porch, 'til the cab drove away, he went back inside and suddenly the house felt fucking empty. Mickey took out the drawing of his back pocket, unfolded the paper and took a picture of the drawing and sent it to Ian.

"Yevy's drawing is a good likeness of you. Same ugly face."  
"That's soo sweet, he's a really good artist, your ass looks as nice as in real."

"Fucking corny bastard." Mickey thought and laughed, he put away the drawing and his phone and went back to his bedroom to Felix.

The next day came and Felix was about to finish his packing for his flight home. "You have everything?" Mickey asked for the hundredth time. "Yeah." Felix rolled his eyes but smiled. Felix decided to take the L to the airport, Mickey went with him. On their way to the L they fooled around, they were laughing and kissing each other, the fight from last night seemed forgotten. "I'll miss you." Felix said, stopped and put a kiss on Mickey's lips. "I'll miss you too" Mickey smiled and put his hand around Felix' waist.

At the same time Ian made his way to David, he wanted to talk to him, he wanted to break up with him. It wasn't fair to be any longer with him when his heart clearly was screaming for Mickey. He walked to the L and stopped to light a cigarette, he heard a familiar voice, it was Mickey's. Ian smiled, but his smile died as he heard the other man's voice too. Ian stepped behind a corner and peeked around, he saw them, Felix had his hand around Mickey's shoulder and Mickey's hand was around the other mans waist. Mickey seemed so fucking happy, maybe happier than Ian ever saw him before. Mickey was smiling at him twice as wide as he ever smiled at Ian, he looked happier, didn't he?

It broke Ian's heart that he wasn't the one who made Mickey that happy, that he wasn't the one who made Mickey smile that bright. All Ian and Mickey ever got were fucking fragments, once they were happy, a little while later everything went to shit. They never got the fucking chance to be really happy together for more than just a few days. Ian and Mickey put each other through hell, maybe it was all too fucking much. Maybe Ian had to let Mickey go, he looked so fucking happy with the other man. Maybe after all, Ian and Mickey weren't meant to be. Ian turned around and walked away the other way, he didn't want to cross their way, he didn't want them to see him crying.

Yesterday night he left the Milkovich house with butterflies in his stomach and all that shit, he said Mickey that he loved him and Mickey said it too and now he was there with the other man looking happier than ever and it fucking tore Ian's apart. Ian's mind was racing, he wanted to run, far away and never come back again.

“Mickey before I get on this plane, I want to speak about something with you.” Felix said nervously.  
Mickey swallowed hard and asked “Yeah 'bout what?”  
“I can't get rid of the feeling that there's still something between you and the redhead, I know you once loved him fucking much, but I don't know, I have this feeling that you still love him in a way.. It seems like you two aren't done yet.. And I know that something happened between you two at the club and yesterday...so don't fucking lie about that to me Mickey, I know something happened...”  
Mickey didn't know what he should say, he looked with wide eyes at Felix “We just kissed...” he breathed and looked down to his feet, he felt so ashamed, he didn't want to hurt Felix.  
Felix just nodded and sighed. They stood there quiet for quite a while, Felix put his hand on Mickey's shoulder and squeezed it slightly “Love sucks, huh?”  
Mickey had tears in his eyes when he said “I'm sorry Felix, I didn't…”  
“It's okay...” Felix said calm. Mickey was confused by Felix' reaction, he was so fucking calm it scared him, he expected an outburst, yelling but not a fucking 'it's okay'.  
“I would like to punch the redhead in his fucking beautiful face, but I know that wouldn't change a thing, it happened, nothing to change about that.” Felix continued and knitted his eyebrows.  
“I never wanted… I meant everything I said in Mexico…but… back here everything’s so... fuck… different...” Mickey said quietly.  
“Mickey…” Felix interrupted him, he smiled sadly at him and added “…look now you have almost 3 weeks to realize what you really want. I still want you and everything I promised you in Mexico, you're my best friend and I fucking love you.” Felix smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.  
He caressed Mickey's cheek, Mickey leaned against Felix touch and sighed, Felix pulled Mickey closer to kiss him.  
Felix let go and said softly “I gotta go, the plane won't wait for me. I lieb di.”  
“Love you too.” Mickey replied honestly and kissed him again.  
Felix walked down the hall but turned around and smirked “Take care of you, Schatzi.”  
Mickey grinned, flipped him off and shouted back “You too, asshole.” Mickey stood there for a while staring down the hall where Felix just disappeared, at that moment he felt fucking lost. He knew from the beginning when he would come back to the South Side his life would be a fucking mess again. What was he supposed to do now? Mickey had no fucking clue.

Ian’s mind and heart were racing, when he entered in the Gallagher house, he slammed the door shut, he was so fucking angry, he wanted to punch a wall. How could Mickey do this, how could he be all lovey-dovey with fucking Felix? Yesterday he said he fucking loved him, and now he kissed that motherfucker in the middle of a crowded street. Ian couldn’t think straight, he was so pissed at Felix, at Mickey, he was pissed at the goddamn whole world. He raced upstairs to his room, grabbed his backpack and packed some of his shit, a few shirts, boxers, jeans. He headed to the bathroom, grabbed his toothbrush, toothpaste and his shower gel and stuffed it into his backpack. He stood in the bathroom with knitted eyebrows, what else did he need? He was too angry to stand still for another second so he shrugged and went back downstairs, whatever he had forgotten, he could buy it on the way. He had to hurry up, Fiona was about to come home in 15 minutes and he had no fucking desire to run into her, he needed to get out of this fucking house, out of this fucking town, as fast as he could.

He went to the kitchen, searching for something to eat and drink for his trip, and there they were, they laid on the kitchen counter and had ‘grab us and drive the fuck away’ written all over them, Fiona’s car keys. Ian stood in front of the counter and stared at fucking keys for a minute, should he or should he not, he knew Fiona would freak the fuck out, if he would take her car and leave. “Fuck it.” he grabbed the keys and put them in his jacket. He scribbled down a note at the back of the water bill, turned around and pinned it on the fridge ‘Be back in a few days, don’t worry. Ian’ He thought that should be enough information for his family and made his way out of the kitchen, through the living room and out of the front door. He headed towards the car and looked nervously around, he wanted to get sure that Fiona wasn’t in sight. He got in the car, buckled the seatbelt, started the engine, turned on the radio at full volume, smiled and drove off. He would go on a fucking trip, leaving all this shit behind, Mickey, his family and no one would stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:
> 
> Mama = mum  
> er konn net mitkuman = he can't come  
> wals net geht = because it doesn't work  
> jo = yes  
> na = no  
> schau i erklärs da, wenn i daham bin = look, I explain it to you, when I'm home  
> jo passt = okay  
> pfiati = bye  
> jo moch i = yeah I'll do  
> tschau = bye  
> I lieb di = I love you  
> Schatzi = honey, babe
> 
> Thanks soo much for reading guys <3 I hope you liked this chapter :)


	6. Go and fucking get your man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I gotta go. See you.” Ian said and walked towards the front door.  
> Fiona ran after him “Ian, wait a second.”  
> Ian rolled his eyes before he turned around to look at her, he knew she would give him a fucking speech, but Fiona didn't say anything she just pulled him into a hug. When they let go, she cupped his face with her hands, looked him deep in the eyes and said with a bright smile on her face “Go and fucking get your man.”

_“Can you feel that? That feeling is all of our problems just disappearing right now. Just... *whistles* gone. Just leave it all behind us. I guess you don't really have any problems. You're a baby.…It must be good to be a baby… No problems…No problems. No.”_  
  
He woke up naked with a major hangover, in a room he didn't recognize, beside a guy he didn't know. What the hell did he do last night?  
“Shit.” he groaned when he got up from the bed, his eyes were wandering around the room, where the fuck was he? It was pretty dark in there, it looked like a quiet shitty motel room. He ran his hands over his face, rubbed his eyes trying to get rid of his tiredness. Ian stretched his body and shuffled to the bathroom, Jesus, it was kinda gross in there, but Ian didn't care, he needed a fucking shower. He turned on the water and waited ‘til it was hot enough and stepped in. The water ran over his head, down his whole body, Ian was hoping it would wash away whatever happened last night. He leaned his hand against the wall of the shower, laid his head back in his neck and let the water gush over his face. Ian tried to remember what the fuck happened last night in that motel room and before he got there, he only remembered that he was in a bar and had a few drinks, but after that he had a total black out, he couldn't remember shit. He stood in the shower for almost 15 minutes, letting the water ran over body, he kinda hoped it would help to get rid of his headache a little, but it didn't. He got out of the shower, dried his body and hair with one of the towels that wasn't all too dirty. Ian took a glance at the mirror, he looked as shitty as he felt. The redhead quickly brushed his fingers through his still slightly wet hair and shuffled back to the room. The other man was still sound asleep, Ian rolled his eyes and exhaled loudly, he was kinda hoping that the guy would already be gone, when he would go back to the room.

His eyes were scanning the room, searching for his clothes, he found them spread across the room, his pants were under the bed, his shirt behind the nightstand and his boxers on the bedside lamp. Ian put on his boxers and grabbed his pants from under the bed, thank God his phone was still in the back pocket, he pulled it out and checked it, fuck, it had already been 3 days since he left for his fucking trip. He had a few missed calls from David, Debby, Fiona, Lip, and Mandy, a few texts from David and 3 voice messages. Ian sat down on the edge of the bed, looked nervously back to the other man, but he was still totally knocked out. Ian put the phone to his ear and chewed on his inner cheek while he listened to the voicemails, David left the first one "Hey Ian, it's Dave, I've been texting you the last couple of days, where are you? Everything fine? Call me back. Love you."  
The next voicemail left Fiona, she sounded worried, but also fucking pissed "Where the fuck are you, Ian? We're worried about you. Call me the fuck back, please. Take care."  
Lip left the last one, Ian couldn't tell if he sounded worried or if he was drunk when he left that message "Yo Ian. Where the fuck are you? Call me back."  
“Fuck.” Ian murmured, scratched one of his eyebrow with his thumb and threw the phone beside him on the bed. He laid down on his back, grabbed his phone again and started to search for Mickey's number. He starred a little while at the screen, his thumb was about to hit the 'call' button, but he changed his mind, threw his phone back on the bed and exhaled loudly, he didn’t know if Mickey would even answer his call.

The other man woke up with a sigh, started to gently caress Ian's chest with his fingers and purred "Good morning gorgeous, ready for the next round?"  
“Shit, take your fucking hands off of me.” Ian jerked under the man’s touch and shook his hand off, the touch of the other man felt so fucking disgusting, he needed to get rid of that asshole as quick as possible, he couldn't stand his fucking presence anymore.  
"Grab your fucking shit and get the fuck out of here." Ian said calm, but with a loud voice and got up in a sitting position.  
"What?" the other man laughed with raised eyebrows, he didn't know what the hell was going on.  
"Get..The..Fuck..Out." Ian’s voice was getting louder with every word, he threw the man's shirt at his fucking face and darted a glance at him. The man recognized that Ian was serious, so he got off the bed, put quickly on his clothes and before he opened the door he murmured in Ian’s direction “Fuck you.” He swung the door open and flipped Ian off before he finally left the room, the door slammed shut and Ian screamed against it "Fucking asshole."

He leaned back on the bed again and glanced at the ceiling. Three fucking days and six or maybe more or less different guys ago he took Fiona’s goddamn car and drove the fuck off. Shit, he didn’t even remember where the fuck he was, he only knew that he drove by Nashville the day before. The silence in that fucking motel room was deafening, it drove him crazy, so he decided the get the hell out of there, he put on his clothes, grabbed his shit, went through the door and stepped out in the fresh air, he needed to narrow his eyes, ‘cause the sun was blinding him like a motherfucker. Ian was right, it was a little fucked up motel besides the highway and its name was Motel 69, Ian rolled his eyes about that fucking ridicules name.

He was searching for the goddamn car when someone yelled from behind “You checking out? You need to pay the room, fucker.”  
Ian sighed, turned around and saw a little, chubby man with a huge mustache waving and taking a few steps towards him. The man looked like Danny Devito except for that hilarious mustache, Ian stifled a laugh and jogged towards the man.  
“How much?” he asked and looked around, but he still couldn’t find the goddamn car, Jesus he hoped it was still somewhere around there, Fiona would probably kill him, when the car was gone.  
“30.” the man answered while he eyed Ian up.  
“Keep the change.” Ian forced a smile and gave the man a 50 dollar note. “Uhm… have you seen where I parked my car? It’s a little silver one.” he asked the man and scratched his head, that shit was fucking embarrassing.  
“There’s a little silver car parked at the backside of the building.” the man answered, knitted his eyebrows and twisted his mustache with his thumb and index finger.  
“Okay… thanks…” Ian stuttered, it couldn’t get any more awkward so he asked the man “…I got another question…uhm… Where the hell am I?” Ian knitted his eyebrows, goddammit his head was pounding like crazy, the sun was too fucking bright that day.  
“Rough night, huh?” the man asked, chuckled and raised one of his eyebrows. "You’re in Hazel Green, boy, sweet home Alabama.” the man spread his arms and laughed amused.  
“Alabama? Shit...” Ian’s eyes widened and he pressed his lips together.

The other man was still laughing, when Ian turned around and walked away from him, he went around the building and found the car, opened it and sat down on the driver’s seat. He leaned back and took a deep breath, what the hell was going on in his fucking mind that he drove all the way to fucking Alabama. That was really fucked up, that shit was a full-on Monica move. “Fucking Monica.” Ian sighed, it seemed like the more he tried to not be like her, the more he became her and that scared the shit out of him. Monica always left when shit got serious or hard to handle and he did the exact fucking same.  
“I’m not my fucking mom.” Ian said calmly to himself, hot tears were pooling his eyes, but he quickly wiped them away with his sleeve.

_“I’m not Monica. I didn’t slash my wrists over Thanksgiving dinner. I went for a drive.”_

Ian startled when his phone went off, he grabbed it out of his pocket and looked at the screen, he could barely see through his tears, he wiped with his sleeve over his eyes again, it was Mickey. Ian smiled at his phone, but his sight started to get blurry again, tears started to stream down his face. He couldn’t handle to talk to him at that moment, his mind was a fucking mess, he would probably say some crazy shit, he would regret later. He starred at the phone ‘til it stopped ringing, a minute later he got a notification that the other man left him a voice message. Ian put the phone back in his pocket and dried his teary face. He sat in the car for a little while, his head leaned against the headrest, it took a few minutes 'til he felt ready to drive the fuck away from that shitty place. Ian decided to drive back home, he wanted to see Mickey, they needed to talk. But first he needed something to eat, he couldn’t take his fucking meds on an empty stomach, and he was fucking starving. He started the engine and drove off the parking lot, the little man with the mustache was still standing outside, he waved Ian goodbye and chuckled again.

 _"All right shithead, this is, like, the 200th time I'm calling and you not picking up. I'm starting to get fucking homicidal.  
   Call me the fuck back, Ian. I'm worried_ __about you. I love you. Call me back."__

It’s been 3 days since Felix left, Mandy was still somewhere with a friend of her and Mickey was home alone and bored as fuck, it was too fucking early for him to get up so he laid in his bed like a lazy piece of shit. Mickey's phone went off, he grabbed it and looked at the screen, Mandy was calling.  
“Mandy?” he answered the call and was promptly interrupted by her agitated voice “You know where the fuck Ian is? He left 3 days ago with Fiona’s car. Got a call from Debbie, they're worried as fuck. You heard anything from him?”  
“What? Fuck Mandy...calm the fuck down. Gallagher did what?” Mickey asked confused and started to chew nervously on his bottom lip.  
“Ian left 3 days ago, he took Fiona’s car and left a message that he’s going on a trip or some shit, he’s not picking up his goddamn phone and he’s not answering any fucking messages.” Mandy said calm and slow so that Mickey could follow her.  
“Fuck.” Mickey sighed and rubbed with his hand over his face.  
“The Gallaghers think, he’s manic, like the last time he went on that ride with the fucking baby.” Mandy said and her voice broke, Mickey knew that tears were pooling her eyes “Shit..I’m worried about him, I don’t fucking know what to do.”  
“Mandy, take a deep breath...I…I... I’ll call him. Don't worry, okay?” Mickey said comforting, probably more to himself than to her.  
“Okay. Thanks Mick.” she snorted in her phone and Mickey hung up.  
  
“Goddamn fuck Gallagher...” he sighed and chewed on his inner cheek. Mickey blankly stared 5 minutes at his fucking phone before he eventually found the courage to call Ian. While the phone was dialing, Mickey put some words in his head together, but the redhead didn’t answer the call, so Mickey left him a voice message “Gallagher, where the fuck are you? Call me the fuck back. Everyone's worried about you.”  
Mickey starred at his phone, that situation was so fucking similar to what happened a few years ago, but at least he didn't take a fucking baby with him this time.  
  
Mandy picked up the call right after the first ring, her voice had a glimpse of hope in it when she asked “Mick?”  
“Got no luck...I'll try it again during the day...tell me when there's something new, okay?” Mickey said to his sister and swallowed hard.  
“Okay, bye.” Mandy said quietly and hung up.  
There wasn't much else to say, the Milkovich siblings where worried as fuck about the redhead and not all the comforting words in the world could change that.

Mickey sat on the edge of his bed, his mind was racing, he was fucking worried about Ian, he hoped that he was alright and it drove him crazy that he couldn't do shit than call him and hoping he would pick the fuck up. He went to the kitchen, grabbed out a beer of the fridge, opened it and took a deep gulp of it, he sat down on the couch in the living room and switched on the TV, he wanted to distract his mind with some shitty TV shows, but it didn’t work very well. Mickey lighted a cigarette after the other, trying to calm down his fucking nerves. After almost two hours he couldn’t handle his nervousness anymore, he grabbed his phone and called Ian again, Mickey tensely wandered up and down the living room, to his surprise Ian picked up after the first ring.

“Hey Mick.” he said with a quiet voice, he sounded exhausted.  
“Jesus, Gallagher…” Mickey said relieved “...where the fuck are you, your family is worried sick.” he said and scratched his eyebrow with his thumb.  
“Sorry, Mick, I fucked up...uhm...” Ian said with a shaky voice.  
“Are you okay?” Mickey interrupted him with a concerned voice, Mickey started to get even more worried, he didn't sound alright at all.  
Ian cleared his throat and asked “Truth?”  
“Truth.” Mickey said calm and nodded.  
“No, I'm not okay...I don't know... it's just...” Ian stuttered, he took a deep breath before he blurt out “...I saw you and Felix the other day on the way to the L and I guess I somehow lost my shit. I took Fiona's car and drove all the way to fucking Alabama, fucked some random dude's, just to feel anything other than pain...” Ian stopped there and chuckled bitterly.  
“Jesus… fuck, Ian...” is all Mickey could say to that fucking shit, he shook his head and scratched the back of his neck. He had to hold back his tears, Ian sounded so lost, so exhausted, so fucking stranded, that shit broke Mickey's heart.  
“I don't know what I'm supposed to do now…” Ian continued with a shaky voice.  
Mickey took a deep breath before he answered, trying to calm himself down a little, trying to make his voice sound as steady as possible, but it still came out a little shaky “Get your fucking ass back home, Ian, we can figure that shit out when you're back.”  
“Okay...” Ian's voice broke and he swallowed hard, Mickey knew that he was about to cry.  
“And call your fucking family and Mandy…” Mickey said with a soft voice and added “...and text me when you're back, you hear me?”  
“Okay, Mick...bye.” Ian said quietly before he hung up.

“Fuck.” Mickey breathed and put his phone on the couch table, he pressed his balms against his eyes. He thought Ian was doing better, but now he made this batshit crazy Monica shit. Mickey needed some fresh air and a smoke to clear his mind a little, he grabbed his jacket, went out the front door and walked down the street, trying to leave his worries, anger and all that shit behind in that fucking house, he could deal with that shit later.

Ian wiped away the tears and took a deep breath, he decided to send Mandy, Fiona and the rest of the Gallaghers a text, he didn’t want to speak to any of them at that moment.  
“On my way home. I’m fine.” was all he texted. Ian put away his phone and started the engine, he needed to go home, Mickey was waiting for him. Ian drove off the parking lot and somehow the world seemed a little brighter, a little less cloudy after hearing Mickey’s voice, he knew things would be okay again.

    _“I need to go home, Mickey's waiting for me.”_  
  
Ian drove only for 5 hours, but he was fucking tired and his head was still pounding like crazy. He could barely keep his eyes open, so he decided to stop at the next motel and grab a few hours of sleep. The motel was kinda scrapped and a little filthy, but he didn’t care, he only needed a few hours of rest, before he could continue his way back home. He took a quick shower and went straight to bed, before he fell asleep he checked his phone again, there were no missed calls or any messages. Suddenly it came to his mind that he totally forgot to text David, after the conversation with Mickey, there wasn't much room for other things than him in Ian's head. He sent David a short message telling him that he was fine and they needed to talk as soon as he was back home. Ian was searching on his phone for the picture of Yevy's drawing, he looked at it for a little while and smiled, even the little boy wanted Mickey and him back together. The day they had spent together was great, Yevy was such a great kid and seeing Mickey as a caring father made Ian fall in love with him even more. Ian’s heart made a jump, when he thought about being a family with Mickey and Yevy again.  
  
Ian was still starring at Yevy's drawing when his phone buzzed, a bright smile came to his face when he saw that Mickey was calling.  
“Hey…” Ian answered his phone with a low voice.  
“You still on the road?” Mickey asked, his voice sounded tired.  
“Nope...just checked in in a fucking filthy motel and I’m thinking about you.” Ian smiled.  
“Shit, a filthy motel makes you think about me… Fuck you...” Mickey snorted, but chuckled a little.  
“Jesus, that’s not what I meant, Mick. I’m lying in bed, thinking about you...better?” Ian rolled his eyes, but smirked.  
“Fuck, Gallagher, don’t do this, I’m worried as fuck about you. I can't think about your fucking dick up my ass right now.” Mickey sighed, but Ian knew that he was smiling.  
 Ian laughed a little and said softly “Mick, stop worrying , I’m on my way home... I’ll be back tomorrow...” and he applied yawning “...gotta sleep now, I’m tired as fuck...”  
“Night.” Mickey said softly and yawned too.  
“Night, Mick. I love you.” Ian hung up, before he could hear Mickey replying “I love you too, Ian.”

Mickey’s nerves were calmer since he knew that Ian was on his way back home, he wasn’t happy about the fact that Ian ran away because of him. Ian was doing well until he came back and Mickey hated himself for that. It broke his fucking heart that he was the cause of Ian’s crazy behavior. Mickey pressed his balms against his eyes, he didn’t want to fucking cry. He heard the front door open and Mandy slowly entered.  
“Hey Mick. Got a text from Ian earlier, he’s on his way home.” she said softly.  
“Yeah I know, just talked to him on the phone.” Mickey answered and forced a little smile.  
“Then why are you making a long face, he’s fine and he’ll be back soon.” Mandy asked concerned, with a worried glance in her eyes.  
“He ran away because of me, fuck, I’m the fucking problem, Mandy… it’s always me.. he was doing fucking good while I was in fucking Mexico ... fuck, and now I’m back and he pulls this batshit crazy fucking shit...it's my fucking fault...” Mickey said tired and looked with teary eyes at her.  
“Bullshit Mickey, Ian wasn’t doing good...” Mandy scoffed “Ian’s just fucking good at pretending.. the last time he was really happy, was when he was with you... that’s what he told me the last time we met... Everyone wanted him to be happy, so he was “happy”...you know everyone of the Gallaghers have their own shit to handle, they didn’t really realize that Ian was just pretending.” she applied and looked softly at him. Mickey looked at her with knitted eyebrows, not sure if he should believe her or not.  
“Don’t look that dumb. I’m not lying... he loves you Mick, he never fucking stopped loving you, for fucks sake.” she walked towards him, sat down beside him and rubbed slightly his back “It’s not your fucking fault..okay?”  
Mickey sighed and just nodded, he really fucking appreciated Mandy’s words. He hugged his sister and whispered in her ear “Thanks, Mandy.”

Mandy left after 2 hours, she told Mickey she had some shit to do, when Mickey wanted to know what shit that was, she only barked at him that it was none of his fucking business. The last time they talked about jobs and shit, Mandy told him she was an escort, and Mickey almost lost his shit. He wanted better for his sister, but Mandy was stubborn as fuck and told him it was good money and he should shut the fuck up. At least she made it out of the fucking South Side, Mickey counted this as a plus.

Mickey went to the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge, opened the bottle and took a few gulps. He leaned against the kitchen counter and his eyes were wandering around the house, he hated that goddamn shithole so much. Mickey yawned, he was tired and exhausted as fuck, he downed the rest of his beer and shuffled to his room. Mickey sat down on his bed and looked at his phone, he got a text from Felix,  
“Fast so schön wie der in Mexiko, als du mir dein "kleines" Geheimnis erzählt hast. Ich vermisse dich, wünschte du wärst hier. :) If you wanna know what that means, use a fucking translator, bitch. Love you xx”  
Attached to his message was a pic of a lake touched by a wonderful sunset, it was fucking beautiful, it reminded him of the sunset that day when he told Felix that he was a fucking escapee. Mickey was curios as fuck what Felix words meant, so he typed them in in a translator and smiled when he read the words.  
“Almost as beautiful as the one in Mexico, when you told me your "little" secret. I miss you, wish you were here.” Mickey was still smiling when he replied “Had the fucking same thought when I saw the pic. The sunset’s fucking stunning. I hope you’re doing well, take care. Miss you too, asshole.”  
He put the phone on the nightstand, laid down and closed his eyes, it didn't take long 'til he was asleep.

Ian slept almost 12 hours straight, when he opened his eyes, he saw that the sun was already up. “Fuck.” he muttered, actually he wanted to continue his drive real early in the morning so he could be home by midday. He got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom, splashed some cold water in his face to wake up a little faster, he quickly brushed his teeth and took a last quick look in the mirror, he looked much better than the day before. He got back to the room and put on his clothes, searched for the rest of his stuff and quickly checked his phone, no missed calls or texts, still no answer from David. He already paid the room yesterday, so he went straight to Fiona’s car and started the engine, he had still a few hours of drive in front of him, enough time to think about how he would end up things with David and how he would win Mickey back. Ian smiled, put on the radio and sang along, he could feel that it was going to be a fucking great day.

After almost 5 hours Ian parked Fiona's car in front of the Gallagher house, he exited the car and walked towards the house, before he entered the front door, he took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for Fiona's speech. He slowly opened the door and entered the living room, no one seemed to be there, the house was fucking silent, too silent.  
“Anybody home?” he shouted and waited for a response.  
“Ian?” he heard Fiona shouting back from upstairs.  
Fiona walked down the stairs, starred at him, as if she wanted to make sure that he was really there and she wasn't only dreaming it. Ian smiled at her and shrugged a little, she pulled him in a big Fiona-hug.  
“Ian.. Jesus...Where the fuck have you been?” she slammed her hand on his chest.  
“I'm sorry...” he said quietly and looked down at his feet.  
“You okay?” Fiona asked concerned, knitted her eyebrows and shrugged her arms in front of her chest.  
Ian looked her in the eyes, nodded and said honestly “Yeah, I'm okay.” Ian saw in her face that she wanted to ask, if he had taken his meds, she just didn’t know how.  
“Fiona, stop worrying, I’m back now and yeah I took my fucking pills during the trip, every single one.” he smiled reassuring at his sister.  
“Okay...” she sighed and slowly nodded. “You want something to eat?” she smiled at him and made her way to the kitchen.  
Ian followed her and said “Thanks Fi, but I have to handle some shit.” He didn't know how he should tell her what he was about to do, he knew she would try to talk him out of that whole thing.  
Fiona looked around the fridge door and said with a serious look on her face “No fucking trips anymore, okay?”  
Ian decided to tell her the fucking truth “Nope...promise...gotta go to David and then to...” he didn't know how Fiona would react to the next name but he went on anyways “uhm...then I'll go to Mickey.”  
Fiona's eyes widened when she asked “Mickey? Mickey Milkovich?”  
“Yeah the one and only.” Ian nodded with a bright smile on his face.  
“He's back? Fuck, Ian, I don’t think this a good idea...” Fiona began and there was that worried glance in her eyes that Ian hated so fucking much.  
Ian quickly interrupted her before she could go on with her speech “Quit that bullshit, please Fiona... I love Mickey, I always have... and this time you’re not talking me out of this... I already missed a chance and this time I'm taking it.” Ian knew that none of his siblings would ever understand why he loved him, but they didn't know the Mickey he knew.  
Mickey did everything for him, he was there for him when everyone else was too busy with their own shit, he loved him when he hated himself. He even stayed when Ian got his diagnosis, he cared so fucking much and Ian ran away with fucking Monica, who filled his head with fucking shit, so that Ian broke up with him. Mickey never wanted to change him, he loved him the way he was, even though he was a bipolar fuck up and he loved Mickey the way he was, the South Side thug with a fucking big mouth, who could beat anyone's ass, but underneath that hard shell Mickey had a fucking big heart and he had so much love to give.  
  
Fiona looked at him with knitted eyebrows, but nodded “Okay”.  
“I gotta go. See you, Fi.” Ian said and walked towards the front door.  
Fiona ran after him “Ian, wait a second.” Ian rolled his eyes before he turned around to look at her, he knew she would give him a fucking speech, but she didn't say anything she just pulled him into a hug. When they let go, she cupped his face with her hands, looked him deep in the eyes and said with a bright smile on her face “Go and fucking get your man.”  
Fiona had never been a fan of Ian's and Mickey's relationship, but she could see that Ian truly loved the other man, and when Mickey was the man that made Ian happy, she had to accept that, she was probably the last person, who should give an advice when it comes to fucking love.

Ian took the L to go to David, he stood in front of the building were he lived, took a deep breath and murmured to himself “Alright, let's do this..” He went inside and took 2 steps at once to reach David's apartment faster. Ian knocked on the door, but no one opened, so he knocked again but a little louder.  
“I'm coming.” David yelled from inside.  
“It's me, Ian.” Ian said loudly to make him hurry up a little.  
“Shit.” he heard David cursing with a low voice. Ian was getting impatient, what the hell was David doing that took him so damn long to open that fucking door.  
David opened the door just a tiny crack “Hey, what are you doing here?” he looked a little nervous.  
“Nice to see you too, can I come in?” Ian asked and raised his eyebrows.  
“Uuhm... okay...” David swung the door open and let Ian walk in.  
David looked nervously around, forced a smile and asked “You're back, huh?”  
“Yeah.” Ian nodded and looked questioningly at the other man “The fuck's up, you seem pretty nervous?” and as Ian said these words out loud, he realized what was happening there, David wasn't alone, someone was there with him. “Shit, you must be kidding me, are you serious?” Ian scoffed at him.  
“Come on Ian, don't blame me, I'm not the one who pulled that fucking nutjob move and went on a fucking trip without telling anyone where he'd go. You didn't even answer my fucking calls or my fucking texts. I thought it was kinda over anyways...” David replied a little angry and added “...as if you kept your dick in your fucking pants on your goddamn trip the whole time. ”  
“Nutjob, huh? Jesus David, I always thought you were different, thought you were a really nice guy, but shit, you're just a goddamn asshole.” Ian laughed bitterly and darted his tongue out to wet his lips.  
“I'm sorry I didn't mean it, it's just, fuck...” David sighed and rubbed with his hand over his face.  
“Fuck..You..David. It doesn't matter anyway, you were right.” Ian snorted and slightly shook his head.  
“Huh?” David couldn't parse Ian and raised one of his eyebrows.  
“We..are..done.” Ian said every word loud and slow so that David could finally get it.  
“Shit...you're running back to your fucking ex, aren't you?” David sighed and rubbed an eyebrow with his thumb.  
Ian just shrugged, smiled sardonically at him and said “Guess that's what a nutjob would do, huh?”  
David rolled his eyes and stated sarcastically “Good luck with that.”  
“Fuck you too.” Ian flipped him off, turned around and walked out of the apartment and slammed the door shut behind him. Ian abruptly stopped, turned another time around, opened the door again, and walked a step in, David looked irritated at him.  
Ian raised his eyebrows “Oh and for your interest...I couldn't keep my fucking dick in my pants 6 times... yeah I fucked 6 different guys on my fucking trip.” he spat at David and slammed the door shut behind him again, went down the stairs of the building with a big fat smile on his fucking face. That shit went better than expected, now it was fucking time to get Mickey back.

Ian walked down the street, he was nervous as fuck, he didn't even know what he should say to him. He stood in front of the Milkovich house and stared at it, he nodded to himself and walked up the stairs to the front porch, he grabbed the doorknob and opened the door, it wasn't locked. There was no need to lock the fucking door 'cause no one would dare to break in the fucking Milkovich house. Ian knew that Mickey was the only one who was at home, Felix was in Austria, Mandy was in town with some friends and the rest of the family was in prison and fucking Terry was six feet under. The redhead made his way to Mickey's room, he walked past the hole in the wall and stroked over it with his fingers. Mickey had pinned him against that wall a couple of years ago when Ian came back from a crazy night shooting a porno and shit, that was when Mickey realized that Ian needed help, help he couldn't give him.

   _"You're sick. You need help. I gotta take you to a hospital, Ian."_

The Milkovich house was full of bad memories, Ian's eyes were wandering to the living room, that was where the most awful of them happened, the rape at gunpoint, even to that day Ian sometimes had nightmares of that morning.

   _"Mandy wasn't enough for you?"_  
_"Get your ass down, fucking ass digger."_

Ian shook his head to get rid of that fucking awful memory, thank God that piece of shit was dead, fucking Terry. Ian turned back to Mickey's room, the door had still the cardboard sign on it “Stay the fuck out”, Ian smiled at the idea that a little Mickey took the time to make that sign.

Ian entered the room and he could hear that Mickey had just finished showering and Ian sat down on Mickey's bed, leaned back on his hands and looked around the room. He grinned when he saw that there was still the picture of him pinned to the wall. Mickey came out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist. He startled when he noticed that he wasn't alone “Jesus.. Fuck.. Ian.. you fucking broke in the house?”  
Ian grinned and stood up from Mickey's bed “Nope, the door wasn't locked, just let myself in and this time I'm not armed with a crowbar.” he held his hands up to prove that their empty and laughed.

 _"I want the gun back, Mickey."_ _"Gallagher?" "The gun."_

Mickey rolled his eyes but smiled and scratched his bottom lip with his thumb “Good, that you're back Ian, I … uhm … everyone was worried about you.” he cleared his throat.  
“Yeah, sorry 'bout that..” Ian looked down to his feet, he didn't know how he should explain why he made that trip, he didn't even know himself. Mickey looked at him, not sure what he should say or do, he took a deep breath, stepped up to Ian and placed a hand on Ian's cheek and caressed it.  
“You okay?” Mickey asked with a concerned look in his eyes, Ian looked up in his eyes, put his hand on Mickey's and whispered “I am now.” and smiled a little. They stood there for a while just looking at each other, before Mickey took a step closer and pressed his lips against Ian's. Their kiss was innocent and loving, their tongues slowly discovering the other man's mouth. Ian hummed into Mickey's mouth and Mickey deepened the kiss, pushed his tongue further into Ian's mouth. Ian's hands were caressing Mickey's chest and waist and Mickey swept gently over Ian's face and throat. “I fucking love you.” Mickey breathed against Ian's lips when they ended the kiss.  
“I love you too, Mick.” Ian smiled against Mickey's lips. Ian's eyes and hands were wandering down to the towel around Mickey's waist “So what are we gonna do next?” he asked with a seductive smirk on his face.  
Mickey bit down his bottom lip, put on a big smile and announced “We're going on a fucking date.”  
Ian's eyes widened, he knitted his eyebrows and asked confused “On a date? Like now?”  
“Fuck yeah, I've been waiting for this fucking rare steak for like 6 years.” Mickey laughed and shrugged.

_"We're going on a date." "I'm gonna get a steak so rare it's gonna scream when I bite it. Like moo."_

“You..you remember that?” Ian asked and mirrored Mickey's smile.  
“Of course I do, I remember every second I spent with you.” Mickey said and blushed, surprised that he blurt this out.  
Ian's face beamed and his heart made a huge jump. Ian stepped up to Mickey, hugged him and whispered in his ear “I really fucking missed you.”  
“Okay...enough quit that gay shit. I'm gonna get dressed, there's a fucking steak out there with my name written on it.” Mickey grinned from ear to ear and Ian barked out a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. <3  
> I'm so fucking excited to write the next one...date time... *yeiih* :D


	7. Love is a battlefield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian started to sing again “....it would help me to know do I stand in your way or am I the best thing that you've had?” he went silent and looked at Mickey.  
> Mickey raised his eyebrows, but smiled and continued “...believe me, believe me I can't tell you why but I'm trapped by your love, and I'm chained to your side...” Ian's face lit up and they started to sing along together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is about Ian's and Mickey's first real date...

„Sooo where are we going?“ Ian asked curiously and looked from the window of the L to Mickey.  
“Uhm it's called Bavette's, Surf and Turf and shit like that.” Mickey grinned from one ear to the other.  
“Cool, I walked by that restaurant once, it looked nice and cozy, and kind of romantic.” Ian wagged his eyebrows at him. Both men were super excited about going on their first real date after almost 6 fucking long years, but they were also kinda nervous. What if that date would end in a total disaster, what if one of them realized that he didn't love the other man anymore, that he just loved the memory of them? Ian's mind was racing, there were so many things he wanted to tell Mickey, and so many things he wanted to ask him. During their ride to the Mexican border they didn't do much of talking, 'cause they thought there would be plenty of time to do that later in Mexico, on the beach looking at a cheesy sunset with a few shots of Tequila, but somewhere on the road Ian lost his courage to go with Mickey, his family was more important to him, than going away with the love of his goddamn life. Back then it felt wrong to go with Mickey, but at that moment Ian knew when Mickey would go back to Mexico, he would go with him, all the way.

Ian couldn't take his eyes off of Mickey, he was staring at him with a sweet and loving smile on his face, Ian saw that Mickey had changed, but that was fucking good, it seemed like he finally had got things straighten out for himself.  
“The fuck are you looking at?” Mickey laughed and slightly shook his head, Ian was looking at him as if he wanted to eat him, but he kinda liked that, it was fucking adorable.  
Ian took his eyes off of Mickey and looked out of the window, watching the city passing by, he cleared his throat and said seriously “You changed Mick.”  
“Just because I’m blond now, doesn’t mean I’m a fucking Californian Barbie girl or some shit.” Mickey scoffed and looked at Ian, but the other man was still staring out of the window, Mickey was getting concerned. What did he mean by that? Was it bad that he changed? Ian turned his head back to Mickey and had a big smile on his face, he barked out a laugh, rolled his eyes and said “No one fucking said that.” Mickey wasn't quite sure what Ian meant, he looked down on his hands with knitted eyebrows, waiting for the other man to continue.  
“You seem happier and... I don't know... less angrier with the world.. it feels like you finally accepted who you are.” Ian put a hand on Mickey's back and rubbed gently up and down.  
Mickey could feel the heat from Ian's hand trough his layers of cloth, his touch and words felt comfortable as fuck and the feeling of relieve washed over his body, for one second he thought that Ian had second thoughts about them, coming back together and shit.  
Mickey looked up into Ian's eyes and shrugged “I guess somewhere in fucking Mexico I realized that I'm more than just a fucking South Side thug, it was a lot of work 'til that point but... ” Mickey stopped there he didn't want to mention to Ian that Felix was a huge help during that process. A contended smile played on Mickey's lips and Ian knew Mickey was fucking proud of his development, it was fucking good that he was finally aware that he was so much more than just South Side trash.  
“That's great, Mick.” Ian put his hand on Mickey's knee and squeezed it slightly, both men smiled at each other and Mickey moved a little closer and laid his hand on Ian's. The rest of the drive they shared a comfortable silence, they just appreciated the other man's presence and looked at each other with a loving glance in their eyes.

   “ _Ian, what you and I have makes me free.”_  
  
When they got off the L, Ian gathered up all of his courage and grabbed Mickey's hand, he thought that Mickey would pull away, but to his surprise Mickey intertwined their fingers, as if it was the most fucking normal thing in the whole world, teenage Mickey had probably ripped his head off when he had tried to touch him in public. Ian tried to hide his surprise, he just took a quick glance at Mickey and he saw that shy little smile and that blush on Mickey's face, Jesus that shit made Ian's heart flutter like crazy. They walked down the way to the restaurant hand in hand, both men butterflies in their stomachs and big smiles on their faces. It was so easy for them to talk to each other, it was like no time had passed and they were teenagers again. Even the silence between them felt fucking great and a little like home. Ian thought that Mickey would let go of his hand when they passed a busy road, but instead Mickey caressed it lovingly with his thumb, it was a little gesture, but it melted Ian's heart, could he even fall more in love with this man?  
“You okay?” Mickey asked with knitted eyebrows, Ian looked a little absent, so deeply in his fondly thoughts.  
“Yeah, I'm fine.” Ian's face lit up, he gave Mickey a beaming smile and abruptly stopped his steps, looked Mickey in the eyes and said “I love you.”  
Mickey rolled his eyes but blushed a little, he took a step closer to Ian and pulled him into a kiss.  
“I love you too.” he breathed at the redhead's lips and added with a grin on his face “I'm fucking starving, so let's hurry up, asshole.” Ian slightly shook his head but laughed.

And as they stood there midst a crowded street, people walking past them, Ian fell even more in love with Mickey, this was all he ever wanted. He wanted the whole goddamn world to know that Mikhailo Alexandr Milkovich was his fucking boyfriend. At that moment he knew there was no way back, he loved this man with all his heart and soul, Mickey was his future, Mickey was his fucking everything.

The entered the restaurant and the waiter eyed them up with an appraising look on his dumb face and chuckled amused as he asked with an fake British accent “Can I help you?”  
“A table for two, please.” Mickey said friendly with a sickly sweet smile on his face.  
“So? Okay. Would you follow me, gentlemen?” the waiter said snottily and chuckled again.  
Mickey rolled his eyes at Ian and whispered “Is that guy retarded or just an asshole?”  
“He's a fucking snooty asshole, you sure you wanna stay? We can leave and go somewhere else.” Ian said with a low voice and looked with raised eyebrows at Mickey.  
“Fuck no, we stay. I got a plan.” Mickey smirked at him and wagged his eyebrows.  
“Will this table be good enough for the gentlemen?” the waiter asked with a sick sweet voice and raised one of his eyebrows.  
On Mickey's lips played a sweet smile when he answered “Thank you very much sir, this table is just perfect.” That smile disappeared from his face as soon as the waiter turned his back on them, Mickey rolled his eyes, what a goddamn fucking bastard.  
“Jesus, what a piece of shit.” Ian sighed while he sat down at the table.  
“Don't worry, we'll handle that.” Mickey smirked and darted his tongue out to wet his lips. The waiter came back and handed them the menu, asked what they wanted to drink. eyed them up and chuckled again before he disappeared for another time. Mickey's right hand was clenched to a fist under the table, Ian could see in his eyes that he wanted to punch the waiter in his dumb smiling face.  
“Shit's quite expensive here.” Ian raised his eyebrows and looked from the menu to Mickey.  
“Take whatever you want, Ian, it's my treat.” Mickey nodded slightly and smiled at him.  
“Okay.” Ian mirrored Mickey's smile and looked back at the menu. Ian could still feel the glance from the waiter on him, he started to shift nervously around in his chair, damn that bastard made him feel uncomfortable as fuck. Mickey recognized that Ian still felt a little uneasy and said with a soft voice “Shit, relax man. Let's enjoy our fucking date. Ignore that fucking asshole.” Ian shook his head a little but grinned, the waiter returned and took their order.

“So I'm taking you to this fucking nice restaurant and you're eating a fucking burger?” Mickey teased the other man and laughed.  
“It sounded fucking delicious and you said I can take whatever I want.” Ian shrugged and laughed. The two men started a conversation about Ian's work as an EMT and Mickey's glanced proudly at him. Ian spoke with such an enthusiasm about his job, he knew Ian loved what he was doing.  
“You love this job, huh?” Mickey he asked the redhead.  
“A lot, it's great to help people, after I fucked up the army thing, it was good to have a passion for something again, you know. It was kinda hard as a bipolar High School drop out, I worked as a janitor at Lip's college for like a week. Shit, that was awkward as fuck, Lip the fucking genius and his mental ill brother the janitor, would have been a great TV show. I didn't know what to do with my life back then, Jesus, I even considered to start dancing at the “Fairytale” again... Times were a little rough...but yeah...somehow I made my way.” Ian shrugged and smiled a little at Mickey.  
“So how do you came to this EMT thing?” Mickey asked curious and raised one of his eyebrows.  
“Uhm... I had a huge fight with Lip, I was randomly wandering around the city to calm down a little, thinking about my fucked up life and shit. I stopped at that bridge and looked at the city, thinking about how my life started to went to shit. When I was 15 I had goals, I wanted to be a fucking soldier... but then the disease struck and my life was fucked up.” Ian swallowed hard and cleared his throat “I was thinking about how cold the water might be and what would happen if I would jump in that fucking river.” Ian looked away from Mickey, down on his hands, it wasn't easy to talk about that night, back then he thought his life was kinda over, that he was the same fuck-up as his mother, his mind was still a little foggy from the new meds and it was kinda hard to see something worth living for through that fog.  
  
Mickey swallowed hard and pressed his lips together, he didn't know what he should say to Ian, he never thought that the redhead struggled that much while he was in the joint, he kinda looked exhausted on his last visit, but Mickey thought it was because his meds took a little while to work right. Mickey laid his hand on Ian's and squeezed it slightly. Ian was thankful for that little comforting gesture, he knew that the other man didn't know what to respond to that shit, he knew it was hard for the other man to hear that about his struggling, while he was locked up and couldn't change a fucking thing about that.  
Ian took a sip of his beer, looked in Mickey's face and continued “So I stood there at that bridge and suddenly I heard the screeching of tires, I turned around and a car crashed into an other, I stood there glued to the point watching that one guy ran away in panic. One of the cars started to fucking burn, and before I could think what the fuck I should do, I was already running towards the burning car. The driver was unconscious, I tried to wake her up, but she didn't response, so I pulled her out and shuffled her away from the burning car. I inhaled pretty much smoke, I passed out and when I became conscious again I looked into the eyes of that fire fighter.” Ian abruptly stopped, he didn't know if he should go on with the story and tell Mickey about Caleb and all that shit. Mickey saw that insecure look in Ian's eyes and nodded a little to indicate he should go on.  
Ian sighed and decided to tell Mickey the short version “I wanted to thank him for helping me and shit, so I went to that fire station, that was were I met Caleb, and he got me into that whole EMT thing.” Ian smiled shyly at Mickey, the other man mirrored his smile and Ian could see that Mickey was fucking proud of him.  
  
Ian wanted to know how Mickey did in Mexico, but he didn't know how to ask him about that, he was looking at his hands and nervously picking on his sleeve, his brain was searching for the right words to ask.  
“Spit it out, Ian, just ask me about Mexico.” Mickey scoffed, Ian looked at him and in his eyes he saw a glimpse of sadness.  
“Tell me about it, tell me how it was, the ocean, the sun, just…tell me everything.” Ian said quietly.

Mickey barked out a laugh and raised his eyebrows “Shit Ian, when I tell you fucking everything, we'll probably sit here 'til fucking New Year's Eve.” Ian rolled his eyes and raised one of his eyebrows. Mickey darted his tongue out to wet his lips and said “Okay okay, so.. uhm.. the first thing I did when I got there, was driving to the fucking ocean and put my feet in the water and Jesus it was fucking awesome.” Mickey's eyes shined, he bit down his bottom lip and knitted his eyebrows, the shine is his eyes slowly faded when he continued “After a few months relaxing on the beach and doing nothing than drinking Tequila, I got kinda bored. I tried to get a job, but had trouble to find a legal one. I met Chris, he’s the owner of a beach bar, he hired me and to our both surprise I actually liked the job. Got a lot of tips from tourists ‘cause they loved my charming ass and I even befriended with a few locals, who came by every day. I won't fucking lie to you about that Ian, Mexico was great yeah but the first few weeks were fucking hard for me, and I barely remember them, too much Tequila and bar fights, I guess.” Mickey ran his hand over his face and continued “One morning I woke up with bruises all over my fucking body, every inch of it hurt like a motherfucker, I could barely recognize my fucking face in the mirror, that's when I realized that all the fighting and all the Tequila in the world won't help me to get over you. The fights caused a lot of pain, but the pain of my broken heart was still bigger. The fighting didn't help me get rid of that pain and neither did the Tequila.” Mickey told the redhead honestly and smiled bitterly.

   _“You can't drink him away, Mickey, it won't work.”_

Ian closed his eyes, he had to fight back his tears, knowing that Mickey was that hurt, broke Ian's heart, he took a deep breath and opened his eyes again and looked at Mickey's blue eyes. That moment Ian decided to tell Mickey the story of John, he never told anybody what really happened that night, Fiona and Lip knew that they got into a huge fight, but they didn't know that John almost killed Ian. Ian knew that telling Mickey that story wouldn't change the fact that he broke Mickey's heart and it wouldn't erase the years they were apart, he just wanted him to know that his life without him didn't went as good as Mickey was maybe thinking.  
Ian pressed his lips together, took a deep breath and began “The first few months after you left, I lived my life remote-controlled and I almost lost my job. I guess it was too much for me that I lost two people I loved with all my heart, you and fucking Monica. It kinda seemed like you took my heart with you... I felt numb for quite a long time. Shit was really tough and then I met this guy, John. He reminded me so fucking much of you, he was a sexy badass motherfucker with a big fucking mouth. I fell really hard for him, I loved him and I did everything for him. When my mom died she left everyone of us some fucking meth as an inheritance, fucking Monica.”  
Ian shook his head slightly about his mother and chuckled before he continued “I told John about that meth, I didn't know yet that he was a fucking addict, I guess he was pretty good at hiding or I didn't pay enough attention, I don't know. After a few months his behavior started to get odd, he got into fights almost every day, drank way too much and he let himself go. The first two times I asked him, what the fuck was wrong with him, he just yelled like crazy and threw me out of his apartment, but I always went back to him. One day he showed up at my house, he said he wanted to talk with me, so I let him in. We went to my room and suddenly he pressed me against the wall, first I thought it was kind of a foreplay or some shit, but then I saw that look in his eyes. Furious, desperate and anxious. He told me to give him the fucking meth or else something bad would happen. I pushed him away and said he should fuck off, I refused to give him the goddamn drugs. He started yelling like crazy, he was screaming at me like a fucking maniac, so I punched him in his fucking face to stop him from shouting. But that was when he really lost his fucking shit, his eyes were feral, he looked like a fucking wild animal in blood lust, totally out of control. He jumped on me and punched in my face 'til I couldn't see straight anymore, I tried to get him off of me, but he was too strong. He laid his hands around my throat and... and he... he tried to choke me... I really thought he was going to kill me, so I said with the little voice that I got left, that I would give him the fucking meth, it took a few seconds 'til he finally let go of me. Somehow I got up from the floor, shuffled to my bed, acting like I would search the fucking meth, but I grabbed my bedside lamp and threw it with all the strength I got left on his fucking head. Thankfully I knocked that motherfucker out. I called Lip and we threw his unconscious body out on the street. That was the last time I saw him. When I look back I think I fell in love with him because he was a little like you, but...shit...he was not. He turned out to be a real fucking nightmare. That's when I realized things had to change or those things would probably fucking kill me one day.”

“Fuck, Ian…” Mickey could say to his story, he looked at Ian with wide eyes, his hands were clenched to fists. Mickey thought Ian ditched a bullet when he left him, but that shit was really tough, he lived in Mexico with the thought that Ian had turned his life around and was happy.  
Mickey laid his hand on Ian's and squeezed it slightly and said “Life's a fucking bitch, huh?”  
“Especially when you're a Gallagher or a Milkovich.” Ian applied and nodded.

Both went silent when the waiter came with their food “Buon appetit.” he sang and left them alone. The food looked fucking delicious and Mickey mimicked the waiter “Buon appetit.”, they laughed and started to eat. The restaurant was getting real busy, more and more people showed up. Mickey and Ian ate silently, both had to let sink in the things they just heard a couple of minutes ago from another. The just looked each other in the eyes from time to time and smiled.

Ian wanted to know how Mickey and Felix met and how they became a thing, he knew it was probably not a appropriate topic for their first date, but he was too curious, he needed to know how the other man won Mickey's heart. Ian swallowed the last bite of his burger and broke the silence “So you and Felix, huh?” he eagerly looked at him with raised eyebrows.  
“Fuck, Ian, don't...” Mickey knitted his eyebrows, closed his eyes and shook slightly his head.  
“Sorry.” Ian quickly nodded and chewed on his bottom lip, shit he knew Mickey wouldn't talk about that tonight, he was hoping that Mickey wasn't pissed at him for that stupid question. After a few seconds of silence Ian said “So what are we doing next?”  
“Uhm... I was thinking about some nipple pinching and ass eating...” Mickey joked and grinned, but Ian interrupted him “You're a fucking idiot.”  
The waiter came by and asked if they wanted a dessert, and Ian answered with one of his eyebrows raised “I don't think you'll serve what I'm craving for.”  
The waiter was confused and asked “What are you craving for, Sir? Maybe chocolate?” he smiled a sweet smile and added “Our chocolate mousse is the best in town.”  
“No, thank you… I'm craving for dick... and I guess that's not on your menu, right?” Ian smirked and raised his eyebrows. Mickey almost choked on his beer and looked at Ian with wide eyes. The waiter grimaced, looked disgusted at Ian and quickly went away.  
“What?” Ian laughed and looked at Mickey “the fucking dickhead deserved it.”  
“You're an asshole.” Mickey joined in Ian's laughter.  
“So now it's time to put my plan into action, Gallagher.” Mickey said with a big grin on his face.  
“What plan?” Ian asked confused and shrugged his eyebrows.  
“Dine and dash, baby.” Mickey whispered and wagged his eyebrows suggestively at the redhead.  
“You fucking serious?” Ian scoffed with wide eyes and Mickey just nodded and Ian added “So I'll take the front door and you the bathroom window?”  
“No, I'll count 'til 3 and we both run.” Mickey replied and Ian looked puzzled at him. Mickey started counting and at 3 both men jumped up from their chairs and ran across the restaurant, and out of the door.  
The waiter ran after them, the British accent was gone when he yelled “Motherfucking assholes, I'll fucking find you and I'll fucking kick your fucking asses, fuckers.” Mickey raised both of his hands and flipped the man off. They ran around a few corners before they stopped to take a breather, they burst out into laughter and mimicked the dump waiter. Ian wrapped his arm around Mickey's shoulders and said still a little out of breath “Let's go home.”

    “ _What if nothing ever gives you the same thrill again?”_

“No one can tell us we're wrong, searching our hearts for so long, both of us knowing love is a battlefield...wowowowow...” their singing echoed through the streets.  
“Shut the fuck up you assholes. People wanna sleep here.” a neighbor screamed out of a window.  
“Then stop fucking yelling, bitch.” Mickey shouted back and laughed.  
Ian started to sing again “....it would help me to know do I stand in your way or am I the best thing that you've had?” he went silent and looked at the other man.  
Mickey raised his eyebrows, but smiled and continued his singing “...believe me, believe me I can't tell you why but I'm trapped by your love, and I'm chained to your side...”  
Ian's face lit up and they started to sing along together “We are young, heartache to heartache we stand, no promises, no demands, love is a battlefield... yeah...” They stopped their singing in front of the Milkovich house.  
Ian looked shyly at Mickey and said “It was a great first date Mick, thanks.”  
Mickey bit down his bottom lip and asked “You wanna crash here tonight?”  
“Fuck, yeah.” Ian grinned.

    “ _Was I just invited to a sleepover?” “Fuck you is what you were invited to.”_

They got into the house and Mickey went straight to the kitchen to grab a beer, he was nervous as fuck about the fact that Ian would stay the night. He took out the beer from the fridge, closed the door with his food and took a few sips. Ian walked up to him, grabbed the bottle, took a sip and put it aside on the kitchen table. He stood right in front of Mickey, eyed up and down on him, he darted his tongue out to wet his lips. Ian took another step closer, leaned forward and crashed their lips together. The kiss was messy and hot, their tongues exploring each others mouths. Ian bit on Mickey’s bottom lip, Mickey hummed and pressed his body even closer to Ian. Ian and Mickey tripled back a few steps ‘til Mickey was pressed against the kitchen counter. Their kissing went messier, their teeth clashed together, both men wanting fucking more. Ian pulled Mickey's shirt over his head and threw it on the floor. He started kissing Mickey's throat and collarbone.  
"Fuck." Mickey breathed, bit down his bottom lip and leaned his head back. Ian kissed Mickey's chest and stopped at the black letters that were engraved in Mickey's chest “Ian Galager.”, he totally forgot about his tattoo. Ian ran his fingers over it, he could feel the scars underneath the black ink, Ian smiled a little smile and placed a kiss on it and got slowly down to Mickey's stomach. "You like that?" he asked and looked up at Mickey.  
"Fuck uhu." Mickey groaned, his head still leaned back in his neck.

Ian unbuckled Mickey’s belt and pushed his pants and boxers down "That’s the kind of dessert I had in mind." he groaned and licked his lips. Mickey moaned as Ian licked on his shaft and took his dick deep in his mouth.  
"Ian, shit that feels so fucking good." he cursed and clenched the edge of the kitchen counter with his hands.  
"You're tasting so good, Mick, fucking missed you." Ian whispered and continued to suck his lover’s cock. With one of his hands he grabbed Mickey’s ass and squeezed it.  
Mickey's fingers were grabbing Ian's red hair and he breathed “I need you to fuck me.” Ian looked up at his lover and let go of his cock with a pop. He got up from his knees and clashed their mouths together for another messy kiss. Mickey started to open the redhead’s pants and freed Ian’s rock hard cock. Ian grabbed Mickey’s waist and turned him around to bend him over the kitchen counter and kissed his neck and back.  
Mickey’s breath got faster, he was getting impatient “Fuck Ian.. get on me already.”  
Ian let out a little laugh, he loved it when Mickey was begging to finally fuck him, but he continued to suck and bite Mickey’s shoulders and neck “I missed you so fucking much.” he breathed in Mickey's ear.  
“Come on man, the lube’s in the cabinet above me.” Mickey moaned and nodded towards the cabinet. Ian laughed, who the hell has lube in the kitchen, he opened the cabinet and took it out. He placed a bit on his cock and a bit on Mickey’s hole. He was caressing Mickey’s back and waist. He grabbed Mickey’s waist with one hand and said “Relax, Mick.” before he slowly slipped his cock inside him and Mickey exhaled “Jesus, fuck, Ian.”  
Ian grabbed Mickey’s left hand and interlaced their fingers “You feel so fucking good. I love you.” he breathed in his ear.  
Mickey bit down his bottom lip “I love you too, but goddamit Gallagher, shut the fuck up now, and move. You’re driving me fucking crazy.” Ian didn’t need to be told twice, he was thrusting into Mickey 'til both men were panting. Sweat started to run down Ian’s forehead and Mickey’s back. “Right there, harder.” Mickey moaned and it didn’t take him long to cum with a loud “Fuck.”  
Ian followed him and came inside Mickey with a huge groan. Ian leaned on Mickey’s back, both men out of breath, he kissed Mickey behind his ear and whispered “Best fucking first date ever.”  
Mickey breathed heavily, he could only nod as an response.

“I need a fucking shower, you wanna join me?” Mickey smiled and made his way to the bathroom. Ian brushed his red hair out of his face and nodded “Sure.”  
The quick shower escalated in an excessively making out session, they couldn't stop kissing, both of them wanting to catch up every single kiss they missed the last 4 years with the other. Their lips were already dark red and swollen and the water was starting to get cold when Mickey breathed on Ian's lips “The water's getting fucking cold, let's get outta here.”  
Ian reached for some towels and handed one to Mickey, they quickly dried their bodies and went back to Mickey's room. Mickey was looking for shirts and boxers for the two man, when Ian wrapped his hands around him from behind and purred in his ear “Ready for round two?”  
Mickey turned around and raised on of his eyebrows, he put his hands on Ian's chest, pushed him towards the bed and tossed him on it. Mickey got on the bed, sat down on Ian's lap, grabbed Ian's wrists and pinned them down beside his head. Mickey leaned down to kiss Ian, he kissed him slowly and loving, bit down on Ian's bottom lip and the other man groaned. Mickey's mouth was wandering from Ian's earlobe to his neck, he sucked and nipped on Ian's collarbone. He ghosted kisses down Ian's chest and stomach, the redhead was shivering at every kiss and touch of him. Ian groaned and his cock started to harden. Mickey bit down his bottom lip, he cupped Ian's cock with one hand and flicked his tongue around the tip, tasting the precum and Mickey hummed. “Fuck, Mick.” Ian cursed raked his fingers through Mickey's hair and leaned his head back. Mickey bobbed his mouth around Ian's cock, hollowing his cheeks and sucking harder and flicking his wrist around Ian's length. Ian breath hitched, he dug his nails in Mickey's shoulders and panted “Fuck, I'm gonna cum.” Mickey looked at Ian, abruptly stopped and smirked at him and Ian whimpered “Shit.”  
  
Mickey stretched forward and kissed Ian, his hand was wandering to the nightstand and grabbed the lube. Mickey sat back down on Ian's lap, put some lube on Ian's cock and on his hole, and started to slowly slip Ian's cock in.  
“Fuck.” Mickey groaned, closed his eyes and leaned his head back in his neck. Ian got up in a sitting position and kissed Mickey's jaw and throat, he sucked on his collarbone, leaving bruises behind, when the other man started to ride him. Mickey leaned his forehead against Ian's and opened his eyes, his blue eyes looked into Ian's green eyes. Mickey kissed Ian and he felt tears stinging in his eyes, he had missed that bastard so fucking much and now they were finally reunited and it felt so fucking good, he would never be able to let him go again. Mickey didn't recognize that a tear was rolling down his cheek, 'til Ian kissed it away. Mickey stopped his movement, looked Ian deep in his eyes and breathed “Fuck I missed you.”  
Ian cupped Mickey's face with his hands, kissed him and whispered on Mickey's lips “Never let you go again.”  
Mickey started to move again, still staring in Ian's eyes, as if he was scared when he would blink, Ian would be gone. Ian rolled to the side, tossed Mickey on his back, the thrusts started slowly but became faster and deeper with each one. Mickey groaned and bit down his bottom lip “So fucking good.” Ian dug his fingers in Mickey's waist “You feel so fucking good, Mick.” he was about to cum, he could feel the waves of the final release flood his body, he came inside Mickey. Mickey bend his back, his breath was getting faster, he dug his fingers in Ian's shoulder's and he came with a groan “Fuck.”  
Ian leaned his forehead against Mickey's, his breath brushed over Mickey's lips and he kissed him, when they ended the kiss, Ian rolled on his back, both men were out of breath and gasping for air.

When they fell asleep they were wrapped around each other, it was impossible to tell where Ian began and where Mickey ended. Ian was laying on his back, one hand wrapped around Mickey, one of Mickey's feet was between Ian's. Mickey had his head buried in Ian's neck and Ian's head was resting on Mickey's. “I fucking missed that, you wrapped around me like a little monkey.” Ian said softly and placed a kiss on Mickey's head and Mickey just hummed and kissed Ian's neck, he was too fucking tired to answer. “Good night, Mick.” Ian said and leaned his head against Mickey's and snuggled even closer.

Mickey woke up with a hand wrapped around his waist, he looked behind him and smiled to himself, Ian was still there, it wasn't just a fucking dream. Mickey yawned and freed himself from Ian's arm, he sat up at the edge of the bed and looked another time behind him, Ian was still sound asleep, Mickey looked at the redhead for a little while and brushed his fingers over his red hair and caressed his cheek with his thumb, Mickey was fucking happy that the beautiful motherfucker was lying in his bed. Mickey stood up and went to the bathroom, when he came back Ian opened his eyes, blinked a few times before he mumbled “Morning. What time is it?” he rubbed his eyes with his fingers.  
“Morning. Uhm I don't know exactly.” Mickey smiled softly and scratched the back of his head. Ian grabbed his pants and took out his phone and cursed “Jesus, fuck, it's already 8.”  
Mickey looked puzzled at him with raised eyebrows and scoffed “Already 8?”  
“Fuck, yeah my shift starts in half an hour.” he breathed as he jumped up from the bed and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower.  
“You got a car?” he yelled from inside the shower.  
“Yeah, why?” Mickey asked, entering the bathroom.  
“Can you give me a ride?” Ian asked, sticking out his head from behind the shower curtain.  
“Sure.” Mickey shrugged but smiled “You want breakfast?” he added as he walked back to his room to put on his clothes.  
“No time.” Ian answered. Ian got out of the shower put a peck on Mickey's lips and rushed back to the room, he grabbed fresh boxers and a shirt from Mickey's dresser and put on his pants from yesterday, Mickey watched Ian with a smile playing on his lips.   
  
Mickey walked outside his bedroom to the kitchen to grab the car key's, when the front door opened. He startled and hold his breath, but thank God it was just Mandy, for a short second he was afraid, that his father would enter the house. What a stupid thought, 'cause Terry was fucking dead.  
“Morning, fucker.” she said with a smile on her face “You're already up, you sick or something?”  
“Uhm.. no.. I'm...” Mickey stuttered, but before he could continue he was interrupted by Ian.  
“Yo, Mick have you seen my key's?” Ian yelled and walked out of the bedroom and abruptly stopped when he saw Mandy.  
Mandy looked from one man to the other with raised eyebrows “The fuck you doing here?” she looked questioningly at Ian and crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
Ian and Mickey looked at each other and both men said quick like a shot “Nothing. It's not what it looks like.”  
Mickey grabbed the keys and made his way towards the front door avoiding Mandy's withering look, Ian followed him and quickly said “Bye Mands.” before they rushed out of the door, leaving Mandy and her questions behind them. They almost ran down the front porch and towards the car, before they got in, Mandy yelled from the door “Fucking assholes.” flipped them off and slammed the front door shut. Ian and Mickey looked at each other and started laughing, they didn't know why they were acting like fucking idiots towards Mandy, as if she didn't know what happened between them, but they got no time for her questions at the moment. Mickey started the engine and drove off.

“Am I gonna see you tonight?” Mickey asked with a smile on his face, before Ian got out of the car.  
“No, sorry.” Ian answered and Mickey looked down on his hands with knitted eyebrows, his smile faded, he knew that all of this was too good to be true, somehow he knew Ian would change his mind about them. Ian smiled a little smile, put a finger under Mickey's chin and tilted it up, so he could look him in the eyes “I gotta spend a little time at home, Fiona's still worried as shit...” he said softly. “Okay..” the smile came back to Mickey's face and he kissed Ian goodbye. Ian got out of the car, leaned in the car window and said “See you tomorrow, Mick. I love you.”  
Mickey smiled and climbed over to the passenger's seat and pecked Ian's lips “Love you too. Bye.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter :)  
> I really loved writing this one...my babies finally going on their date <3


	8. You love me, but it's not enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That's great, so I’ll see you on Friday. Now get your drunk ass to bed, okay?” Mickey smiled, he was really looking forward to see the other man again, he missed him.  
> “I love you, Mickey, I really fucking love you…but you don’t love me…maybe you do…but...but it’s not enough…” the other man said and his voice broke, before Mickey could answer, he already hung up.  
> Mickey looked at his phone with raised eyebrows, tears were forming in his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away.

It was a hard day at work, but that couldn’t cloud Ian’s mood, he was fucking happy, the last night with Mickey was fucking fantastic, their date was great and the sex, Jesus it was better than he thought it would be. Ian went up the stairs to the Gallaghers house and opened the door, he could hear that the TV was on, he took of his jacket, entered the living room and saw Franny sitting on the couch. The little girl turned her head to look at Ian and smiled “Uncle Ian.” She jumped up from the couch and ran towards him, Ian mirrored her smile, kneed down to hug his niece and said “Hey, little princess.” Franny chuckled happily and when they let go Ian asked “Is that a new dress?”  
Franny blushed a little and smiled shyly “Yeah, mommy bought it for me.” She spun around to show Ian the whole dress. Ian whistled to indicate his enthusiasm and the little girl chuckled again.  
“Your mommy’s not here?” Ian asked while he got up from his knees again.  
Franny shook her head and answered “No, just auntie Fi.”  
Ian rolled his eyes, Debs was apparently out again with her new boyfriend George, Ian didn’t like him, he was a total douche, but Debs loved him so he had to get along with him no matter if he liked him or not.  
  
“Hey, sweet face.” Fiona said smiling while she walked from the kitchen to the living room “What are you doing home? Thought you were with your man.” she wagged her eyebrows suggestively.  
Ian rolled his eyes, but smiled before he answered his sister “Uhm… I thought I would crash here tonight, because, you know, I wasn’t home much the last couple of days, with the trip and shit…”  
“Okay…” Fiona knitted her eyebrows, but smiled at her brother and added “You can invite Mickey over, if you want.”  
“It’s okay Fi I’ll see him tomorrow, let’s have a brother, sister and niece evening, huh? We can order Pizza and watch a movie with that little princess here.” Ian smiled and gently stroke over Franny’s red hair.  
“Yay!” the little girl shouted in excitement and went to the shelf to search for a movie she wanted to watch.

Fiona looked at the little girl and smiled about her excitement, she turned her head to Ian again and said another time “I wouldn't mind If he would come.” And Ian saw that she meant it, but he wanted to spent that evening with Fiona and Franny alone, he knew his sister was worried as fuck about him the last couple of days, that he went on that trip probably scared the shit out of her. He slightly shook his head and smiled at her “Just the two and a half of us tonight, okay? Is Liam home?"  
"No, he's with Frank again." Fiona rolled her eyes, Fiona hated when Liam was with fucking Frank.  
"Oh shit." Ian sighed, scratched his head and added "So I’ll take a shower, you order pizza in the meantime.” Fiona grinned and nodded, she was glad that she would spent a little time with her brother, they hadn’t talked in days and she needed to be sure that he really was okay, and not only just seemed to be.  
  
Ian headed upstairs, took a shower and went to his bedroom. He grabbed out his phone to check it, he had a text from Mandy “What the fuck’s going on? You two back together?” Ian laughed at that text, he knew Mandy would be curious as fuck, he didn’t know what he should reply, he didn’t even know himself if Mickey and him were something again, he just knew that they had a really fucking great date the night before.  
Ian spent the evening with Fiona and Franny on the couch watching TV, eating pizza and drinking beer, sometime between the second and the third movie Franny fell asleep. Ian picked her up and gently carried her to Debbie’s old room, he put the blanket over the little girl and brushed her hair gently with his fingers. Ian leaned down and kissed her on the head “Good night, little princess.” Franny sighed in her sleep, he walked towards the door and before he went back downstairs he leaned against the door frame and watched Franny a little while with a smile on his face.  
“Isn’t she beautiful?” Fiona stepped up beside him and leaned her head on his shoulder, both of them watching the little girl sleep.  
“Yeah she is, Debs did a pretty great job with her.” Ian said and leaned his head against Fiona’s, Fiona just nodded a little with a proud smile on her face.

Mickey was lying on his bed, he was looking at the picture Felix sent him last night, it was a shot of him with a fucking cat in his arms, Felix had a bright smile on his face, but the cat looked like it wanted to scratch his eyes out, Mickey laughed to himself, he really missed that motherfucker. Suddenly his bedroom door swung open and Mandy stormed in and hissed with narrowed eyes “Ian didn’t answer my fucking text, so you shithead will tell me what the fuck happened last night.” Mickey had to hold back his laughter, when Mandy did that thing with her hands on her hips, he immediately saw the little five year old Mandy in front of him. She raised her eyebrows waiting for a fucking answer, but Mickey just stood up from his bed and walked out of his room and went to the kitchen. Mandy rolled her eyes, followed him and barked “Mickey, I swear to God I’ll fucking punch someone’s face when you don't tell me the fuck’s going on here.” Mickey grinned, opened the fridge and grabbed a beer, opened it and took a gulp, before he said “We already told you what happened… nothing.” Mandy rolled her eyes and scuffed “Sure nothing… that’s why he fucking stayed over night. You had a little sleepover like some teenage girls with braiding your hair and shit like that, huh?” Mickey barked out a laugh, bit down on his bottom lip before he said “Shit like that, yeah.”  
  
“Are you guys back together?” Mandy darted her tongue out to wet her lips before she pressed them together.  
Mickey took another gulp of his beer and shrugged “I don’t fucking know.”  
Mandy smiled bitterly and shook slightly her head “Fuck Mickey, you’re engaged and shit. What about Felix?” Mandy knew that shit would end in a fucking disaster.  
“What about Felix? The day before you told me that Ian loves me and all that shit and now you’re worried about Felix?” Mickey scoffed and raised one of his eyebrows.  
“Shit Mickey, I know… but he’s family, he did so fucking much for you, don’t forget about that… he doesn’t deserve to be treated like shit.” Mandy said and looked at her brother. He knew that Felix was family for her, but fuck Mickey couldn’t help himself, he fucking loved the redhead and he wanted to be with him more than anything else, the night before was fucking amazing, the date, the talking, the dine and dash and Jesus the sex, everything was fucking perfect.  
Mickey looked at her, scratched his eyebrow with his thumb and said quietly “Fuck Mandy, I know…but I can’t help it…it’s just… I fucking love Ian, the fuck can I do?”  
Mandy’s eyes widened, she was a little shocked about Mickey’s confession, she never heard Mickey saying those words before, her face softened and she sighed. She walked up to her brother grabbed the beer out of his hand and took a sip of it. Mickey lighted a cigarette, took a deep puff and gave it to Mandy.  
  
They stood there for a little while, silent, leaned against the kitchen counter, smoking the cigarette, both of them busy with their own thoughts.  
“What now?” Mandy broke the silence and looked at Mickey with a questioningly look on her face.  
“The fuck should I know.” Mickey blew out the smoke of the cigarette and started to chew on his bottom lip, he stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray at the kitchen table and went back to his room. Mandy stayed there for a little while longer before she walked to the living room and switched on the TV, what a fucking disaster, she thought to herself, but at the same time she was fucking happy that her brother and her best friend found their way back to each other, she just felt fucking sorry for Felix. 

Mickey had trouble to fall asleep that night, his mind was circling around Felix and Ian, he couldn't get Mandy's words out of his head... _he did so fucking much for you, don’t forget about that_ … he was confused about his feelings for both of the men, he tossed and turned in his bed, when he finally fell asleep the sun was already up.  
His phone buzzed and Mickey woke up, he grunted and searched with closed eyes for his phone on the nightstand.  
He took the call without looking who the hell was disturbing his sleep, he yawned as a greeting, and the man on the other end of the line laughed and sang in his phone “Good morning, sunshine.”  
Mickey startled at the voice, his eyes flew open, and he stuttered “F…Felix..?”  
“Yeah the one and only.” Mickey heard on Felix voice that he was grinning.  
“Shit, aren’t you supposed to sleep, it must be fucking late over there.” Mickey said and run his hand over his face, rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of his tiredness.  
“It’s about 6 am, just came home from an after work drink.” Felix laughed, he sounded pretty awake for 6 am and even a little drunk.  
“Shit, Felix you’re drunk…” Mickey laughed.  
“No… uuh…okay…maybe just a little tipsy... in Austria we call this ‘an Damenspitz’…” Felix barked out a laugh and Mickey joined in his laughter. “How you doing, Mickey? Everything alright over there?”  
“Yeah everything’s…” Mickey answered.  
But Felix interrupted him and blurt out “Host di schon entschieden?”  
“What?” Mickey asked confused and knitted his eyebrows, what the fuck was he talking about, he didn’t understand a fucking word.  
“Scheiße Mickey, don’t you act like you don’t you what I mean. Me or the redhead?” Felix said and Mickey could hear that he was a little angry, shit his mood changed pretty quickly when he was drunk.  
“Felix, I don’t think this is the right time to talk about that…” Mickey answered evasively.  
“Ooh, okay, hob schon kapiert… also entscheidest di für erm, wor eh klor…“ Felix sighed.  
“No one knows what the fuck you’re saying.” Mickey barked, he was pissed that Felix talked in his fucking mother tongue and he couldn’t understand a fucking word he was saying.  
“Doesn’t matter anyways. I totally understand that, you love him, it’s okay…” Felix said, trying his best to sound as nonchalant as possible, but Mickey could hear that he was fighting back his tears.  
“Felix, don't...” Mickey sighed and was interrupt by Felix again.  
“I booked a flight to come back, you know, I’ll be back on Friday…” Felix mumbled and exhaled loudly.  
“That's great, so I’ll see you on Friday. Now get your drunk ass to bed, okay?” Mickey smiled, he was really looking forward to see Felix again, he missed him.  
“I love you, Mickey, I really fucking love you…but you don’t love me…maybe you do…but...but it’s not enough…” the other man said and his voice broke, before Mickey could answer, Felix already hung up.  
  
Mickey looked at his phone with raised eyebrows, tears were forming in his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away. He wasn't prepared for Felix’ last sentence, it hit him like a ton of bricks and it broke his fucking heart.... _You don’t love me, maybe you do, but it's not enough..._ But the other man was right, he was fucking right, wasn't he? Was that the fucking end? Was all what happened in fucking Mexico worth nothing? Wasn’t that love he felt for Felix? Was he ready to let Felix go so that he could be with Ian? What if the whole thing with Ian was just temporary? What if he would go back to Mexico with Felix? What if…fuck...?  
Mickey tried to sleep for another couple of hours, but tossed and turned in his bed for almost 2 hours, he gave up trying, there were just too many fucking questions filling his head, he needed a fucking smoke. He sat up, grabbed a cigarette, lighted it and took a few deep puffs. He looked at the wall where the drawing from Yevy was pinned on... _Even the little shit knows what's up..._ he heard Svetlana's voice in his head. “Fuck.” he breathed and run his hand over his face, took another puff and stubbed out the cigarette, stood up from the bed and put on his clothes. He decided to catch some fresh air, maybe walking would clear his mind a little and put everything in order in there again, and he hoped that somewhere out there on his way he would find the fucking answers to all the questions that were circling on his mind.

Ian sat at the kitchen table and drank some coffee, when Franny came down the stairs and smiled “Good morning.”  
Ian mirrored her smile and sang “Good morning, little princess. You want some breakfast?”  
Franny nodded and said “You got Fruit Loops, uncle Ian?”  
“Of course I've got Fruit Loops.” Ian stood up from his chair and went to the kitchen to grab some milk and Fruit Loops for Franny. Franny sat down at the table, her feet were swinging in the air and she was watching Ian preparing her breakfast, she knitted her eyebrows and asked “Uncle Ian, can I ask you something?”  
“Sure.” Ian smiled at her, stepped up to her and put the bowl with milk and Fruit Loops in front of her.  
“Who's Mickey? Auntie Fi talked about him yesterday, is he a friend of yours?” the little girl asked and began to eat her breakfast.  
Ian was a little surprised by that question, he didn't think that Franny was listening to Fiona's and his conversation “Uhm... yeah he's kinda my best friend..”  
Franny nodded “Your best friend? But mommy said Mandy's your best friend...she's very beautiful... I thought you like Mickey, you know I mean really really like...”  
Jesus that kid knows what's up, he thought to himself, he slightly shook his head and smiled when he answered “Franny you're a clever little girl... Mandy's my best friend and Mickey's too, you can have more than one best friend, you know.. and you're right I really really like Mickey...”  
“So you gonna marry him?” Franny asked.  
Ian almost chocked on his coffee, he coughed and Franny looked with raised eyebrows at him, she was waiting for an answer.  
“Maybe one day.” Ian said, Franny had a bright smile on her face and she clapped in excitement. Ian laughed and his heart fluttered about the thought that one day Mickey could be his fucking husband. Ian and Franny finished their breakfast, half an hour later Debbie came to pick her daughter up.

Ian left the Gallagher house and made his way to the Milkovich house, somehow that house felt like his second home, though he experienced so much shit in there. He climbed the stairs of the front porch, grabbed the door knob and opened the door. He entered the house, shed his backpack and jacket and walked in the living room and dropped his stuff on the couch. The house was quiet, he wasn't even sure if Mickey was at home, Ian walked towards the door of Mandy's room and knocked on it, no answer, he slowly opened it and peeked inside, the room was empty, Mandy wasn't there. Ian shrugged and walked up to Mickey's room and opened slowly the door, but there was no one in there, the Milkovich house was empty. Ian went to the kitchen, opened the fridge and took out a water and went back to the living room. Before he could sit down on the couch, the front door swung open and Mickey walked in, he startled when he saw that Ian was there, he raised his eyebrows and breathed “The fuck? You broke in again?”  
“Nice to see you too.” Ian said, walked towards Mickey and kissed him.  
“Hey.” Mickey breathed against Ian's lips.  
“Hey.” Ian smiled and looked Mickey deep in the eyes, he saw that Mickey had something on his mind and he seemed a little distressed. “Where have you been? Something wrong?” he asked.  
“Just went out for a walk... no just... uh.. nothing...” Mickey said, turned around and got rid of his jacket and before Ian could ask, he added “Got a call from Felix this morning, he was pretty drunk and he said some weird stuff.... I … I just needed some fresh air to clear my fucking mind … he told me he'll be back on Friday...”  
“O.. Okay.” Ian didn't know what else to say, he was kinda surprised that Mickey really told him all of that. Ian decided to cheer Mickey up a little, so he asked “You got plans for today?”  
Mickey knitted his eyebrows and shook his head “No.”  
“Now you have. Grab some beer from the fridge, we're going out.” Ian smiled at Mickey and pecked his lips.

Mickey stopped his walking, looked at Ian and laughed “Jesus that fucking rathole, really?” They went to the building where Mickey used to practice his shooting.  
“Yeah. Come on.” Ian grabbed Mickey's hand and pulled him in the building. They climbed up the stairs to the last floor, Mickey looked around and noticed that parts of the roof were missing, he looked at Ian and grinned “Jesus Christ, you wanna spread a blanket out and look for shooting stars or what?”  
On Ian's lips played a bright smile “That's exactly what we're doing tonight. Thank god that roof isn't intact anymore.”  
Mickey barked out a laugh and said “That's so fucking romantic, man.” Ian rolled his eyes but said nothing, he knew that Mickey liked that idea, they already did that when they were on the way to Mexico. Ian opened his backpack, pulled out a blue and a green blanket, he spread one of them on the ground and sat down. Mickey darted his tongue out to wet his lips and slightly shook his head, but smiled before he sat down beside Ian. He grabbed out two beers from his backpack and reached one to Ian, that situation was so familiar, that was what he did almost every day with Felix in Mexico, sitting lazy on the beach, drinking bear, smoking and looking at the stars. Mickey shook his head internally, he was there with Ian, it was not the right time to think about Felix and Mexico. Mickey felt Ian's glance on him, he turned his head and looked him in the eyes. Ian forced a little smile, looked away at his hands, he was nervously playing with his fingers. He knitted his eyebrows and said “Mick, tell me how you guys met.”  
Mickey raised his eyebrows, it took a few seconds before he realized what Ian meant “I don't think...”  
Ian rolled his eyes and said “Just fucking tell me.” he forced a little smile and added “He made you happy, so I wanna know a little about him.”  
Mickey looked at Ian, scratched one of his eyebrows with his thumb and breathed “Okay...” he took another deep breath before he told Ian the story how he met Felix. Ian couldn't hold back his laughter when he heard the story, he seemed really interested in that whole shit, but Mickey saw a glimpse of sadness and jealousy in Ian's eyes when he told him how Felix and him became a couple.

When Mickey finished his story, Ian looked at the sky, it was already getting dark and the first few stars appeared up there. Mickey lighted a cigarette, took a puff and reached it to Ian. Ian took a puff and asked “You miss him?” he didn't know why he asked that question or that one before, it hurt like a motherfucker to hear Mickey talk about the other man, but somehow Ian had the feeling that tonight Mickey needed to talk about Felix.  
"Yeah." Mickey nodded slightly, he did, he really fucking missed Felix, he looked at Ian and he saw that his answer hurt the redhead. He didn't know what to say so he took Ian's hand and intertwined their fingers before he leaned back and Ian did too. They were looking at each other, Mickey kissed Ian's warm lips, their tongues slowly exploring each others mouths. When they end the kiss both men were smiling. They stayed quiet for a little while, Ian leaned his head against Mickey's shoulder and Mickey laid his head against Ian's.  
“The stars were so different in Mexico...they were bigger...I don’t know...they seemed brighter...” Mickey suddenly said, lighted another cigarette and took a deep puff.  
Ian looked up at Mickey and asked with one of his eyebrows raised “You planning to go back?”  
“Svetlana said, when I stay, she could bring Yevy more often and I already missed a lot of that little shit’s life, so I’m planning to stay here.” Mickey said and smiled at the other man. Ian mirrored his smile, he was happy that Mickey would stay, but at the same time he was a little sad that he wasn’t the main reason why Mickey would stay. There was one question that occupied Ian’s brain since he got that text from Mandy, so he asked the other man seriously “Mick, what is this?” he pointed with his finger between them “Am I your mistress or are we a couple? What happens when…when Felix comes back on Friday?”  
  
    “ _Just wondering if we’re a couple or not.” “Of course we are.”_  
  
Mickey exhaled loudly, knitted his eyebrows and sat back up “The fuck should I know.”  
“Fuck, Mickey.” Ian breathed and slightly shook his head, now he knew what was on Mickey's mind, he wasn't sure anymore who he would choose, Felix or him, he didn’t know what he wanted, that fucking shit made Ian sad and angry at the same time. He broke up with David so he could be with him and suddenly Mickey had second thoughts about them, fuck that shit. Were all the I love you’s Mickey said just a lie? Ian could feel tears stinging in his eyes, he sat up and looked at the other man with knitted eyebrows, Ian took a deep breath before he asked “You _love_ him?”  
“Fuck, I don’t know.” Mickey said with a low voice, shrugged and looked at the distance, he couldn’t look Ian in the eyes.  
He said yes to Felix’ fucking proposal so that meant he loved him, right? They sat there quiet for a few minutes, both of them looking at the stars, they were sitting close beside each other, but it felt like Mickey was thousands of miles apart from Ian. Mickey’s head was pounding, there were so many questions upon his mind.  
Would he marry Felix? Was it a mistake? Shit, what should he do?  
He could feel Ian’s glance on him, he knew that the redhead was upset that he didn’t negate his question, but Mickey didn’t want to lie to him, he really didn’t know what he felt for the other man.  
Ian sighed, grabbed his backpack, he wanted to go, he needed to think about that whole shit, but before he would leave he wanted to know one thing, he looked at Mickey and asked one word “Why?”  
Mickey took his eyes off the sky and looked at Ian’s green eyes, he cleared his throat before he said “Shit Ian, he helped me to turn my life around. He was there for me, he loved me when I hated myself. Thanks to him I found myself again, he was patient and loving… and fuck…” Mickey stopped there, he didn’t know if he wanted to convince Ian with those words or himself.  
Did he still love Felix? Was that really love he felt for him? Mickey rubbed his face with his hands and chewed on his inner cheek. Ian’s eyes were still pinned on Mickey, he didn’t know what to make out of all of this, Mickey seemed pretty confused. Ian took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but closed it again, he didn’t have the right words at the moment, he stood up, he would give Mickey the time he needed to think about all that fucking shit. Ian gently brushed his fingers through Mickey’s hair and smiled at him, but Mickey’s eyes were pinned to the cigarette in his hands. Ian grabbed his jacket and turned around to leave, he walked towards the stairs of the building, somehow he was waiting that Mickey would follow him, but the other man didn’t come.   
  
    _“What are you hoping, I tell you not to go? I’m gonna chase after you like some bitch?”_  
  
Ian quickened his steps and made his way down the stairs, fuck, he couldn’t stop the tears from running down his face. When he exited the building, he could barely see through his tears, he went around the corner and leaned against a wall at the alley. Ian couldn’t stop sobbing, he pressed his balms against his eyes trying to stop the fucking tears from falling down.

Mickey sat there on the blanket, he took another puff of his cigarette before he stubbed it out, he couldn’t find the right words in his head to stop Ian from going, he loved him, he really did, but all that shit with Felix was so fucking confusing, he didn’t know what to do, his mind was a fucking mess. He could hear Ian making his way towards the stairs, he went them down, slowly at first, but then his steps quickened.  
At that moment Mickey heard Svetlana's voice in his head... _Listen to your heart, it will tell you what to do_... and knew what he had to do, it seemed like all his confusion and questions left the room with Ian. He jumped up to his feet, grabbed his backpack and ran after Ian. When he would run, he could catch up with him, so he quickened his steps, he almost fell down the stairs. He couldn’t let him go, Ian was the one he wanted to spend his future with. He exited the building, looked left and right, fuck which way did Ian take? Before he decided in which direction he would run, he heard that someone was sobbing around the corner at the alley. Mickey closed his eyes and took a deep breath, shit he didn’t want to make Ian cry, he thought Ian knew that he loved him. Mickey slowly stepped around the corner, he saw that Ian leaned against the wall, his eyes were closed and tears were streaming down his freckled cheeks. Mickey walked up to him and wiped away Ian’s tears with his thumb. Ian startled a little under Mickey’s touch, obviously he didn’t hear him coming, he opened his eyes, green eyes were looking into blue eyes and Mickey said with a loving smile on his face “It’ll always be you, Ian.” Mickey brushed their lips together, Ian’s lips tasted a little salty from his tears. Ian ended the kiss, cupped Mickey’s face with his hands, looked him deep in the eyes as if he was searching for something in them and asked with knitted eyebrows “What about Felix? What about the wedding?”  
Mickey bit down his bottom lip, before Ian could spit out more questions, Mickey kissed him again and breathed on his lips “I love _YOU_.”

Ian really needed those words Mickey just said, for a short second he doubted that Mickey would choose him, he thought that maybe Mickey loved Felix more than him.  
Mickey took Ian's hand and guided him back to the top floor of the building, the blanket was still lying there on the floor. Mickey pressed their lips together, shed Ian's jacket and threw it on the ground. Their kissing went messier and needier, as they stumbled towards the blanket. Mickey’s kisses tasted more thrilling, hotter, better than ever. Never had Ian’s desire for the other man been that big, he wanted to kiss and feel every inch of his body. He wanted to touch him, caress his whole body, be in him and feel his inner warmth, he just wanted to feel fucking everything of Mickey. Ian shed Mickey’s jacket, and nodded towards the blanket to indicate Mickey, that he should sit down on it. Mickey understood and sat down on the blanket, he pulled Ian down to him, he had not enough from his kisses, he needed to proof Ian, that his heart was all his. Both of them were lying on the blanket, pressed together, not even a piece of paper would fit between them, they didn’t even notice the cold of that winter night. Ian slid his hand under Mickey’s shirt, caressing his chest and stomach, he was kissing and biting Mickey’s neck. Mickey bit down on his bottom lip, moaned, he wanted Ian so bad.  
“Come here.” Mickey whispered, Ian kissed from his neck up to his jaw and before he reached Mickey’s soft lips the other man had cupped his face with his hands and looked him deep in his green eyes “I fucking love you.” Mickey smiled at the redhead.  
Ian mirrored his smile “I love you too.”  
Mickey licked his lips and began “I’m sorry about…”  
“Shh…” Ian made and pressed his lips on Mickey’s again, between the kissing he breathed on his lips “It’s okay.”  
Mickey’s hands wandered down to Ian’s pants, he opened the button and the zipper, he tried to strip it off, but it didn’t work “Fucking piece of shit.” Mickey cursed, and Ian laughed. Ian helped Mickey with his pants and also took off his shirt. Mickey leaned on Ian, kissed the redhead and caressed his chest and stomach. Ian rolled over, so that Mickey was under him, pulled Mickey’s shirt over his head and threw it on the blanket beside them. He kissed Mickey’s jaw, pressed little soft kisses on his neck, chest and stomach. He sucked and nibbled on Mickey’s collarbone and opened his pants. Ian shed Mickey’s pants and boxers, Mickey’s cock was already rock hard and precum was shining on his tip. Ian grinned, licked his lips and bent forward to kiss Mickey again, he noticed that Mickey began to shiver, so he grabbed the second blanket and spread it over them.  
  
Mickey was getting impatient, he begged between the kisses “Please, fuck me.”  
Ian grinned and said "Turn around.”  
Mickey didn’t need to be told twice, while he turned around Ian grabbed the lube from his backpack and placed some on his finger. He turned back to Mickey and whispered “Relax.” before he slowly slid his finger into Mickey. He was slowly gliding in and out. In and out, he slid a second finger in and Mickey quivered.  
“You like that?” he breathed against Mickey’s neck.  
“Uh huh.” Mickey nodded and darted his tongue out to wet his lips “Fuck yes.” Ian’s fingers were still sliding painfully slow in and out. In and out. Ian’s other hand caressed Mickey’s back, hip and thigh. Mickey pressed his ass against Ian’s fingers to indicate that he wanted more, he needed Ian deep inside of him. Ian understood and slowly slid his fingers out of Mickey, the other man whined cause of the sudden emptiness inside of him. Ian laid down right behind Mickey and slowly slid his cock inside him and breathed “You feel so fucking good.” against Mickey's ear.  
“Jesus.” Mickey moaned and bit down his bottom lip, that shit gave him goose bumps. Ian placed his hand on Mickey’s stomach, Mickey laid his hand on Ian’s and interlaced their fingers. Ian began to move slowly, agonizingly, a fucking sweet torment. Ian kissed and nibbled Mickey’s neck, leaving light bruises behind. Mickey licked his lips, the sweet torment was getting too fucking much, Mickey’s body was longing for fucking salvation. Mickey turned his head back to Ian and kissed him, he breathed on the redhead's lips “Fuck me hard, Gallagher.”  
Ian grinned, he just waited for Mickey’s order, he slowly began to quicken his thrusts. In and out. Fast and hard.  
“Fuck.” Mickey moaned, Ian knew that it wouldn’t take long ‘til the other man would cum. Ian’s breath was getting faster, sweat was running down his forehead, but he kept the pace and fucked Mickey like there would be no tomorrow.  
“Is it good?” Ian breathed against Mickey’s neck and slowed down his thrusts.  
Mickey nodded and moaned “Keep going, don’t stop.” Ian quickened his pace again and thrusted deeper into Mickey, moaning into his neck. The other man’s breath got faster and Ian knew he was about to cum, and just a few thrusts later Mickey came with a load groan “Jesus, fuck.”  
It didn’t take long ‘til Ian followed him and shot his load into Mickey.

Mickey leaned his head back, brushed Ian’s hair out his face and kissed him. When they ended the kiss, both men laid back on their backs, they cuddled up under the blanket, it was a fucking cold night, but the blanket and their body warmth protected them from freezing. Ian laid his head on Mickey's chest, Mickey gently caressed Ian's cheek and neck, pressed a kiss on his head and looked at the stars, he saw a fucking shooting star, but he didn’t need to make a wish, all he ever wanted was already lying in his arms. Mickey almost laughed about how cheesy that shit was…  
Ian closed his eyes and listened to Mickey’s heartbeat and he smiled at the thought of Mickey’s words … _It’ll always be you…I love you_ …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:  
>   
> an Damenspitz = to be tipsy  
> Host di schon entschieden? = you already made your choice?  
> Scheiße = shit  
> hob schon kapiert = I get it  
> also entscheidest di für erm = so you choose him  
> wor eh klor = I knew it
> 
> \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Thanks for reading guys... I hope you liked that chapter... ♥ Sorry it took so long to put it up, but I was quiet busy...planning my wedding and stuff like that... :) I've decided that the next chapter will be the last one... but I'm already working on my next story... :)(:


	9. The first snow that year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The first snow this year.” he breathed, the snow marked the end of fall and the beginning of winter in Chicago, but that day the seasons weren't the only thing that end and began, their past without each other ended and their future together began.  
> Mickey stood beside Ian, laid his hand on his shoulder and smiled "Beginning of a new season, huh?"  
> He took his eyes off the sky and looked into Mickey's blue eyes and breathed "Yeah finally."

“Hey... Ian... let's go home before we freeze our fucking asses off.” Mickey whispered in Ian's red hair, Ian didn't say anything he just mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep. Mickey smiled to himself, placed a kiss on Ian's head, gently caressed his cheek and whispered again “Yo sleepyface, time to wake up.”  
Ian opened his eyes, placed a kiss on Mickey's chest and breathed “5 more minutes.”  
Mickey exhaled loudly “Okay.”  
Mickey snuggled a little closer to Ian, so he wouldn't freeze, his eyes were wandering back to the sky, the stars were gone, the sky was clouded and the scence of snow was in the air. Mickey never thought how fucking perfect it could be to lay on a blanket in a wrecked house looking at the clouded sky in a cold winter night. Ian slowly lifted his head up and yawned, he blinked a few times trying to get rid of his tiredness. A smile played on the redhead's lips when he leaned forward and kissed Mickey. When they end the kiss, Ian's green eyes were deeply looking into Mickey's blue eyes, it seemed like Ian was searching for any last doubts in the other man's eyes. Mickey laid his hand on Ian’s cheek and grinned “The fuck are you looking at?”  
Ian smiled and placed another kiss on Mickey's lips and whispered "Let's go home before it starts to snow."

They sat up and began to put on their clothes again, Ian laced in his shoes, Mickey pulled his shirt over his head when little snowflakes started to fall down from the sky.  
“Jesus, could it get even more fucking cheesy?” Mickey laughed and put on his jacket, he folded the blankets and stuffed them into Ian's backpack while Ian's eyes were pinned to the sky.  
“The first snow this year.” he breathed, the snow marked the end of fall and the beginning of winter in Chicago, but that day the seasons weren't the only thing that end and began, their past without each other ended and their future together began.  
Mickey stood beside Ian, laid his hand on his shoulder and smiled "Beginning of a new season, huh?"  
Ian took his eyes off the sky and looked into Mickey's blue eyes and breathed "Yeah finally."

They went to the stairs, walked them down and stepped out of the building, the snowflakes became more and bigger. Mickey looked at Ian and smiled to himself, took Ian's hand and intertwined their fingers. Ian looked down on their hands and back to Mickey's face with a bright smile on his face, even those little gestures, like interlacing their fingers, made Ian's heart skip a beat.  
They made their way back to the Milkovich house, in silence, both of them busy with their thoughts, watching the snowflakes falling down. Ian was still repeating Mickey’s words in his head “ _It’ll always be you... I love…Beginning of a new season...”_  
Mickey let go of Ian’s hand, grabbed out a cigarette, lighted it, took a deep puff and breathed out the smoke “I found a job.”  
“Huh?” Ian startled a little, he didn’t even notice that Mickey wasn’t holding his hand anymore, it took a second before he understood what Mickey just said, then he asked “A job, where?” he looked with one of his eyebrows raised at the other man.  
“At a tiny bar near the North Side, nothing special...just...” Mickey said and darted his tongue out to wet his lips.  
“That's great, Mick.” Ian smiled at him, he was happy, that he found something he wanted to do and he was glad that the job was a legal one. But how could Mickey get a new job? He was a fugitive and Ian suddenly realized that he never asked how Mickey made it back, so he asked “But how...?”  
Mickey grinned, it took a long time ‘til Ian finally wanted to know how Mickey made it back to the States. Mickey grabbed out his purse and handed Ian his driving license.  
Ian knitted his eyebrows and read out loud “Alexander William Turner?”  he barked out a laugh.  
Mickey narrowed his eyes, but grinned “What? You don't like it? It’s kinda sexy, huh?”  
They both started to laugh, Ian took a breath and said “Fuck, did you choose that fucking name yourself?”  
“No, fucking Jesus did.” Mickey said and scratched one of his eyebrows with his thumb.  
It took a second 'til Ian understood, his eyes widened “No fucking way... that Jesus, really?“ he started to laugh again.  
“Yeah that fucking sweetheart.“ Mickey grinned and slightly shook his head.  
“Did he remember you?“ Ian asked curiously, as if that guy would forget Mickey and his fucking sassy comments, Ian grinned and gave the driving license back to Mickey.

   _"I could pull it out, but I don't want to scare all the kids."_

“Thank God I didn't have to meet that asshole again, Felix' father did all that shit, he has connections to him and shit.“ Mickey shrugged and grinned.  
“Never thought I would say that but I'm glad you met Felix, I mean he did a fucking lot for you... and he brought you back... I think I'll send him some flowers to say thanks...“ Ian laughed and glanced at Mickey, curios about his reaction.  
Mickey took a last puff from his cigarette before he threw it on the ground, he bit down his bottom lip, slightly shook his head, but a grin appeared on his lips as he said “You better add some fucking chocolate ... You stole his fucking fiancé and shit.“  
Ian grinned and nodded, he took Mickey’s hand again and caressed it with his thumb.

They climbed up the stairs to the Milkovich house and stepped in, Ian went to the living room and threw his backpack and his jacket beside the couch and sat down. Mickey went to the kitchen, opened the fridge and shouted “You want a beer?”  
“No.” Ian shouted back, Mickey came to the living room with a bottle of beer in his hand, and sat down beside Ian.  
Mickey opened his beer, took a gulp of it, looked at Ian and asked with raised eyebrows “You hungry?”  
Ian darted his tongue out to wet his lips and slightly shook his head, he leaned forward to Mickey, grabbed the bottle, put it on the couch table and kissed him, wild, passionate, without restraint. Ian pressed his body closer to Mickey’s, the other man hummed in Ian’s mouth. Mickey pushed his tongue even deeper in Ian's mouth, the kiss got more wet and passionate. Ian went from Mickey’s lips, down his jaw to his throat, he grabbed Mickey’s shirt and impatiently pulled it over his head and threw it on the floor. Mickey bit down his bottom lip, stretched his hands out and unbuckled Ian’s belt. Ian leaned over Mickey again, kissing and nibbling his throat and chest, leaving bruises behind. Ian ghosted kisses down Mickey’s stomach, Mickey let out a deep moan and clenched his fingers in Ian’s hair. Ian’s mouth went back to Mickey's soft lips, he kissed him slowly, loving this time. Ian ended the kiss, looked Mickey in the eyes and breathed on his lips “This time I bottom.”  
Mickey's eyes widened, he swallowed, he never toped Ian before but he would definitely do it that night, so he asked with a grin on his face “You really want that, huh?”  
“Fuck yeah.” Ian whispered, Mickey could feel Ian's breath on his lips. Ian stood up from the couch, grabbed Mickey's arm, pulled him to his feet, and lead him to the bedroom.  
  
Mickey pushed Ian on the bed and grinned at him, temptingly. Mickey doffed his pants and boxers, stood there all naked in front of Ian. Ian looked at him, bit down his bottom lip, he had the urge to get rid of his fucking clothes as quick as possible, he quickly pulled his shirt over his head and undressed his pants and boxers, freeing his pulsating cock. Mickey climbed to Ian on the bed, his cock slightly touched Ian's when he leaned forward to kiss him. Ian's fingers were brushing through Mickey's blond hair, he gently pressed the other man's head down, wanting Mickey's lips closer and pressed harder against his. Ian bit on Mickey's bottom lip and Mickey hummed into his mouth. Mickey ghosted kisses on Ian's jaw and throat, slowly wandered down to his collarbone, chest and stomach. He bit down his bottom lip, fighting back his urge to sit on Ian's rock hard cock and fucking ride him ‘til he begs for mercy. Mickey's mouth wandered back up to the redhead's lips, between his kisses Mickey breathed “Give me the lube.”  
Ian grabbed the lube and handed it to Mickey. On Mickey's lips played a seductive grin as he asked “You ready?”  
Ian darted his tongue out to wet his lips and slowly nodded “Yeah.” Ian was ready, he was fucking ready, he couldn't wait to feel Mickey deep inside of him.  
“Turn around and get on your knees.” Mickey said with a low voice, Jesus Mickey's commanding tone made Ian even harder and he did as Mickey said. Mickey opened the lube and placed some of it on his finger, Ian bit down his bottom lip in pleasant anticipation.  
“Relax.” Mickey breathed and caressed Ian's ass cheek. Mickey started to massage Ian's hole before he slowly slid one finger in. In and out, slow, very slow, so Ian could get used to the feeling. In and out, slowly stretching and preparing Ian for his second finger. Mickey added a second finger and Ian let out a moan.  
“You like that?” Mickey asked, while he continued his sweet tournament.  
Ian nodded, bit down his bottom lip and breathed “Get on me.” He wanted to feel Mickey in him, so fucking bad, he needed to feel all of him.  
“Not yet.” Mickey smiled, still sliding his fingers agonizingly in and out, driving Ian slowly crazy.  
“Mick, please.” Ian pleaded,his body was craving for the sweet pain Mickey's dick would cause, gliding in his ass. Mickey smiled and darted his tongue out to wet his lips, he slipped his fingers out and leaned over Ian, ghosting kisses from his neck down to his back.  
"Please." Ian moaned, he was getting impatient.  
Mickey grabbed Ian's waist with one hand, put some lube on his cock and slowly glided it inside him.  
“Holy fuck.” Ian breathed, a sweet pain flowed from his ass through his whole body. Mickey started his movement slowly, very slow. Jesus, never before had a cock felt so good up Ian's ass. Mickey's thrusts were slowly and cautious, but Ian wanted more, he needed it harder, faster.  
“Is it good?” Mickey asked, his movement still painfully slow.  
“Fuck yeah.” Ian breathed and Mickey started to quicken his thrusts, Ian pressed his lips together, enjoying every thrust Mickey did. Mickey moaned, Jesus Ian felt so fucking good wrapped around his cock.  
Mickey wanted to see how Ian was enjoying to be fucked by him, so he slid his cock out, grabbed Ian's waist and tossed him on his back. Mickey leaned over him, slowly slid his cock back inside Ian, the redhead closed his eyes, enjoying, taking Mickey all in. Mickey thrusts were getting harder, faster, both man started to sweat. Ian's fingers clenched into Mickey's arms, both men were moaning and panting. Mickey kissed Ian, slowed his thrusts down a little, he bit Ian's bottom lip, Ian left his eyes closed and breathed on Mickey's lips “Keep going.”  
Mickey fastened his thrusts again. Deeper, harder. Ian moaned, clinched his nails in Mickey's arms and it didn’t take long ‘til he came. Mickey followed the redhead after a few more thrusts, moaning into Ian's neck, shooting his load up his ass.  
Mickey placed a kiss on Ian's throat before he rolled over on his back. Both man were lying on their back, sweating, starring at the ceiling and trying to calm their breath down a little.  
"Jesus." Ian breathed between his pants and wiped away the sweat on his forehead.  
Mickey looked at Ian, his head leaned on his hand and grinned, waiting what else the redhead had to say.  
Ian turned his head to look at Mickey and smiled “That was fucking good.”

On the next morning when Ian woke up the other side of the bed was empty, Mickey wasn't there. Fuck he thought to himself, a glimpse of panic washed over his body, he sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. He heard that someone was out there in the kitchen, Mickey, he took a deep breath and laughed quietly about his ridicules little panic attack. He stood up and shuffled out of the bedroom towards the kitchen.  
"Morning." Mickey said as Ian entered the kitchen, he was sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee and a lot of papers spread out in front of him.  
"Hey." Ian smiled, grabbed a mug from the kitchen cabinet and filled it with hot coffee, before he sat down on the table beside Mickey he ran his fingers through Mickey’s blond hair and placed a kiss on it.  
"What are these?" Ian asked with raised eyebrows and took a sip of his coffee.  
"Uhm.. I'm searching for an apartment." Mickey said quietly, leaned over the papers, his eyes pinned on them.  
"You don't wanna stay here?" Ian asked, he thought now that Terry was dead it would be a quite acceptable place to live, at least for a little while.  
Mickey exhaled loudly looked up from the papers and smiled bitterly at him "Nah man, too much memories. I hate that fucking house, feels like a goddamn cage."  
Ian nodded and grabbed some of the papers and took a look at them, after a few silent minutes studying them, he said "This one looks quite nice, a little tiny, but it has two bedrooms, it’s affordable, plus it’s not on the South Side." he placed the paper in front of Mickey and tipped with his finger on it. Mickey smiled, that was the same apartment he had in mind. Mickey looked from the paper up to Ian and said "Yeah it's kinda tiny, but it would be enough for _us_ and Yevy would have his own room."  
Mickey saw that Ian knitted his eyebrows, so he had heard the word us, Mickey was curios as fuck how Ian would react. Ian's eyes were still pinned on the paper in front of Mickey when he asked "Us?"  
Mickey smiled, scratched his bottom lip with his thumb before he said matter-of-factly "Yeah, you and me, Ian."  
Ian's eyes wandered from the paper to Mickey's face, he knitted his eyebrows again, like he didn’t understand what Mickey meant. Mickey smiled at him and slightly nodded, Ian's face lit up, he leaned forward and pressed his lips on Mickey's. The idea to move with Mickey into an apartment, to really share his everyday life with him made Ian's heart burst with joy and the fact that Mickey really wanted that made Ian love him even more.  
"So what do you think?" Mickey raised one of his eyebrows and grinned at him.  
Ian smiled from ear to ear when he answered “That sounds really fucking great.”

On Thursday they were sitting at the kitchen table drinking their morning coffee, when the front door swung open. Both of them startled a little, both kinda afraid that Felix would enter that scene.  
“Good morning, fuckers.” Mandy sang, walked up to them to the kitchen, filled a mug with coffee and sat down at the table. She looked between Ian and Mickey, her eyes rested on Mickey. Mickey could feel that Ian's eyes were also pinned on him. Mickey rolled his eyes, exhaled loudly and grunted “Yeah Mandy, we're back together.”  
Mandy smiled at them “I'm really fucking happy for you guys.” She really meant it, but her smile faded a little when she opened her mouth again to continue “but F…”  
Mickey interrupted her and sighed “I fucking know, that Felix will be back tomorrow... Jesus.”  
Ian's smile faded, he looked down at his mug and chewed on his inner cheek, he almost forgot about the fact that the other man would be back by tomorrow.  
Mickey scratched his nose bridge, took a deep breath, laid his hand on Ian's arm and smiled reassuring at him before he looked at Mandy and said “Don’t worry, I'll handle that shit.”  
Mandy raised her eyebrows, but she didn’t say a thing, she just nodded and took another sip of her coffee. It was fucking silent in the kitchen of the Milkovich house, Mandy knew she shouldn’t have mentioned Felix' return. She looked at her brother and her best friend, took a breath and grinned “So are you guys too busy with shoving your dicks up each other asses or do you have a little time for your favorite girl?” Mickey rolled his eyes again and Ian shook slightly his head, but both of them were smiling at her.  
  
They three spent the day together, starting with a huge breakfast at nice diner near the North Side, they were babbling about what happened since the last time they saw each other, Mandy told them that she met a guy and that she maybe had a crush on him.  
After the breakfast, they were aimlessly wandering around the streets. Mickey showed them the place where he would start to work next week.  
“I'm fucking proud of you.” Mandy said, laid her arm around Mickey's shoulder and pecked his cheek.  
Mickey wiped over his cheek and snapped “Stop that fucking shit, Mandy.” but he had a grin on his face. Mandy kissed his cheek again and Mickey pushed her away, they were play fighting like some little kids. Ian walked behind them and looked at his two favorite people outside his family and he was fucking happy that they stepped back into his life. Years ago he would have never guessed that he would call some of the Milkoviches his family. Mandy and Mickey turned around, looking what Ian did take so long to follow them, when they saw that huge smile on his face, Mandy and Mickey barked out at the same time “The fuck are you smiling at?”  
Ian needed to hold back his laughter, his smile got even brighter, he quickened his steps and walked up to them and said “Nothing.” Ian took a breath and added “I love you guys.” Mandy and Mickey rolled their eyes, but smiled at him, they didn't say it but Ian knew that the Milkovich siblings loved him too. Ian laid his arms around Mandy’s and Mickey’s shoulder and they continued their walking.  
   
The day passed by in a minute, Ian and Mandy left the house in the evening, Ian went to his late shift and Mandy got an appointment, neither Ian nor Mickey asked with whom because they already knew her answer _“It’s none of your fucking business.”_  
Mickey was alone at the Milkovich house, it was quiet, too fucking quiet, he switched on the TV and sat down on the couch. He was zapping channels when his phone buzzed, he pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it. He smiled, it was a message from Ian “Already miss your blond ass.”  
Mickey slightly shook his head and replied “Take care, asshole. Love you.”  
He wanted to threw his phone beside him on the couch when it buzzed again, he thought it was a reply from Ian, but he swallowed when he saw Felix name on the screen. “Just fastened my seat belt. See you in about 12 hours. xx”  
Mickey smiled a little at his phone, he typed a few answers, but he deleted all of them, he couldn't find the right words, so he decided to don’t answer at all.

Mickey was nervous as fuck, he didn’t have a clue how to say what he had to say. He didn’t want to break the others man heart, but there was no way not to. He chased up and down the living room, he was getting more nervous with every minute that passed.  
“Fuck.” he muttered and ran his hand over his face, he wasn’t ready for that shit. He lighted a cigarette, took a few puffs and sat down on the couch. He leaned his head back in his neck and sighed, Jesus Christ how the hell should he do that. There was a knock on the door, Mickey startled. “Fuck.” he cursed and his cigarette almost slipped out of his mouth. He quickly stubbed the cigarette out, stood up from the couch and walked towards the door and opened it.  
"Hey." Felix smiled at Mickey.  
"Hey." Mickey said and mirrored his smile.  
"Come here." Mickey whispered and pulled Felix in a warm hug, it was good to see him again, he really missed him.  
"Good to see you, Mickey." Felix whispered in Mickey's ear. Mickey knew that he couldn't delay to tell Felix his decision for too long, but he didn't knew how to fucking say it. They let go of each other and Mickey nervously started to play with the zipper of his hoodie.  
"Mickey, don't be nervous or some shit, I'm here to grab my last few things. You don't have to speak it out loud, I know it okay?" Felix smiled reassuring at the other man.  
Mickey raised his eyebrows, looked puzzled at Felix and stuttered "O..O..Okay."  
They both silently stared at each other, the atmosphere between the men was a little awkward.  
Felix sighed and broke the silence "Mickey, all I ever wanted for you was to be happy." and Felix truly meant those words.  
"Somehow I knew, when you're back on the South Side and he's too, you'll fall for him again. The way you two looked at each other the other day at the club, said it all, I already knew it back then. I guess I just wished so bad that I was wrong. When you look at each other everything else in the world seems to disappear. You love him, you always did and he loves you. You guys are meant to be...what you have is kinda magical, like some fairy tale shit." Felix said with a soft voice, his eyes were glancing with tears.  
"I love you Felix, I really do, it's just..." Mickey breathed, he looked in Felix' blue eyes, searching for the right words to say.  
"I know, but not enough, you love him more." Felix simpered and caressed Mickey’s cheek.  
"I'm sorry.." Mickey whispered and leaned against Felix touch.  
"Don't be sorry, man. The heart wants what the heart wants. I just wished so bad it would have been me." Felix shrugged. Mickey looked at him and pressed his lips together, a little piece of Mickey wished that too, it really did and Mickey knew if they would have stayed in Mexico he had married Felix.  
"Don't be a stranger, okay? Text me every now and then, I mean we're best friends after all, aren't we?" Felix applied and swallowed hard. Felix did so fucking much for him, they planned a fucking future together and now he would threw it all away, leaving Felix with the shards of their shattered future behind. But Mickey's plans changed, his future was with another man, the freckled redhead who stole his heart ten fucking years ago.  
"Thanks Felix, for everything, you were my knight in shining armor or some shit. You helped me to get my shit back together, don't know where I would be without you." Mickey said and smiled at him.  
"You would probably be dead by now, killed in a shooting or some shit." Felix smirked and raised on of his eyebrows.  
"Shut up, asshole." Mickey grinned.

"I guess I have all my shit packed." Felix said smiling and with his hands on his hips. They went out in the living room and both were not sure what to do next, both men were not ready to say goodbye yet. Felix stepped up to Mickey, cupped his face with his hands, looked him deep in the eyes and whispered "Take care of you, I love you."  
Mickey caressed Felix hands and smiled "You too, Felix." A tear fell down Felix' cheek and Mickey wiped it away with his thumb and leaned his forehead against Felix' and they kissed each other for the last time. Mickey fought to hold back his tears, he forced a smile and Felix did the same.  
"See you, Mickey. And promise to text or call me, okay?" Felix said with a broken voice.  
Mickey cleared his throat "Yeah I promise. Bye."  
Felix walked towards the front door but turned around one more time and said with tears streaming down his face "I'm really happy for you, Mickey, though I'm fucking crying, but I mean it, I really do. You fucking deserve it to be finally happy."  
Mickey walked up to Felix and hugged him "I love you Felix and a part of me wishes so fucking much that it would be enough." Mickey breathed, he could barely see through his tears.  
"Me too.” Felix breathed and buried his face in Mickey's shoulder.  
They stood there for a while holding each other and weeping on the other man's shoulder, both of them heartbroken and not ready to let the other man go yet.  
“Jesus fucking Christ ..Look at us damn fags, crying in the other man’s arms like some fucking little teenage girls." Felix laughed and Mickey joined in.  
"You're such a fucking idiot. But you're right let’s quit that gay shit." Mickey laughed even harder but they didn't let go of each other, both of them wanting to hold on a little longer on their past together.  
   
Ian climbed the stairs of the front porch, coming home from work.  
"The fuck?" he said as he entered the house and saw the two man holding each other and laughing like some fucking idiots. Mickey and Felix let go of each other and started to laugh even harder when they saw Ian's confused face.  
"Think were done with the gay shit, huh?" Mickey looked at Felix who barked out a laugh.  
"Shit, that pun was not intended." Mickey joined in Felix' laughter.  
Ian was still a little confused about the scene he just entered, he didn't expect that Felix would be this calm, he expected more drama, tears and cursing, even some punches in his face, but Felix was fucking laughing.  
Felix stopped his laughter abruptly and said to Ian "Yo redhead, I've got something for you." Mickey and Ian looked at him with raised eyebrows.  
"Don't worry, I don't want to punch you in your beautiful face." Felix chuckled and added “I took a few shots of that asshole while we were traveling around Mexico."  
"You did fucking what?" Mickey snapped and folded his arms in front of his chest.  
"Shut up, I knew you would react like that, that's why I didn't ask you for your fucking permission when I took them, asshole." Felix laughed and gave Ian a big envelope with the pictures in it.  
"Thanks, Felix..." Ian blushed, took a deep breath and added "...and thanks so fucking much for all the shit you did for Mick." Ian smiled bright at Felix, the other man just nodded and to Ian's and Mickey's surprise Felix pulled him in a tight hug.  
“I’m sorry.” Ian whispered in Felix ear and rubbed his back.  
“It’s okay.” Felix whispered back.

The three man went outside the Milkovich house, Mickey and Ian stayed on the front porch while Felix walked down the stairs, towards the cab. He opened the back door and took another look back at the two man "Take care of him and don't mess up with him, you hear me?" Felix warned Ian with a smirk on his face. Mickey rolled his eyes and flipped him off.  
"Yeah." Ian smiled and wrapped his arm around Mickey's waist. Felix got in the cab and the car drove off, Mickey and Ian waved him goodbye, then they looked at each other with fucking bright smiles on their faces. Felix took a last glance through the rear window at them and he knew, that he did the right thing. Ian was the right man for Mickey, they belonged together, they're meant to be. Felix hoped that one day he will find someone with whom he could share the kind of love they had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys.. I hope you liked it.. :)(:  
> Honestly I cried a little while I wrote that chapter.. I loved Felix, but, yeah, not enough... and Ian and Mickey are meant to be, no doubt about that... ♥  
> I know I said that this chapter would be the last one, but I couldn't stop there, so I wrote another one... :)


	10. We got this, babe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian tried to smile at him, but he couldn’t, he was too fucking tired to do it, he buried his face in Mickey’s shoulder and wrapped one arm around him.  
> Mickey could feel the tears running down Ian’s face, it broke his heart to see Ian like that, he pressed his body even closer to Ian’s and placed a kiss on his hair and whispered again “We got this, babe.” Maybe more to himself than to Ian, the last time Ian ran away with his mother and broke up with him, he was scared that Ian would leave him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter takes place a year after chapter 9...

Mickey came home from a night shift at the bar, he was exhausted as fuck, he unlocked the door and pushed it open with his elbow. In his hands he carried two cups with coffee and some donuts. The apartment was quiet, Mickey took a look at the clock, it was already 7 am, and Ian’s shift would start in an hour. Mickey went to the kitchen, no Ian in there, he shuffled to the bathroom and scratched his head, Ian wasn’t in the bathroom either. Mickey slowly opened the door to the bedroom, the room was dark and Ian was still laying in bed, the blanket pulled over his head. Mickey swallowed hard, his heart dropped to the floor, he rubbed his face and walked up to the bed, he kneed down beside Ian, lifted the blanket up a little and whispered “Good morning, time to get up. I brought you some breakfast – coffee and donuts.”  
Ian’s eyes were looking in the direction of Mickey, but they were blankly starring through him at the distance. Ian pulled the blanket back over his head and whispered “I’m not hungry. I’m just tired.” Mickey took a deep breath, gently stroke with his hand over Ian’s covered head, got up from his knees and left the bedroom. Mickey went back to the kitchen, grabbed his phone and called Ian’s workplace to tell them Ian was sick.

Mickey sat quite a while alone in the kitchen, staring into nonentity, drinking his coffee, he opened the window in the kitchen and lighted a cigarette. Mickey leaned on the window sill and looked outside. Fuck they wanted to go to Mexico in two weeks, Ian was so fucking excited about that trip, he didn’t stop talking about the ocean, drinking tequila and how bad he wanted to fuck Mickey on the beach. Mickey took a few puffs from his cigarette, stubbed it out in the ashtray and closed the window again.

He walked to the bathroom, he needed a fucking shower and he needed to think. He turned the water on, waited a little ‘til it was hot and stepped inside, he let the water ran over his head. He needed to call Fiona and Mandy, he needed to make an appointment at the clinic, Ian’s meds needed a new adjustment, so many things he needed to do, but first he needed some fucking sleep. Mickey stepped out the shower, quickly dried his body and hair and went to the bedroom, he put on some boxers and climbed onto the bed.

He lifted the blanket and slipped under it, he snuggled up to Ian, wrapped his arm around him and intertwined their fingers. Ian turned around to look at him, his eyes were red and teary, he whispered with a broken voice “I’m sorry.”  
Mickey smiled at him, caressed his cheek and kissed his forehead “It’s okay. We got this.”  
Ian tried to smile at him, but he couldn’t, he was too fucking tired to do it, he buried his face in Mickey’s shoulder and wrapped one arm around him. Mickey could feel the tears running down Ian’s face, it broke his heart to see Ian like that again, he pressed his body even closer to Ian’s and placed a kiss on his hair and whispered again “We got this, babe.” Maybe more to himself than to Ian, the last time Ian ran away with his mother and broke up with him, he was scared that Ian would leave him again.

When Mickey woke up, Ian’s eyes were closed, he was still asleep. Mickey slowly stood up from the bed and quietly left the bedroom, trying not to wake up his boyfriend, before he left the bedroom he took another look at Ian, he took a deep breath, ran his hand over his face and quietly closed the door. He shuffled to the kitchen, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he grabbed his phone and called Fiona, she picked up the call after the second ring.

“Hey Mickey.” she sang in the phone, and Mickey smiled, he never thought that one day Fiona would greet him that kind on the phone, but his smile faded when he remembered why he was calling her.  
“Hey… Ian... he didn’t get up this morning…I think he might have a low.” Mickey breathed and ran his fingers over his eyes, fighting the tears.  
“Shit.” Fiona breathed and added “Should I come over?” the tone in her voice wasn't kind anymore, she sounded worried.  
“Yeah.” Mickey quietly said and swallowed hard.  
“I’ll be right there, bye.” Fiona said and hung up. He starred a little while on his phone before he dialed the number of the clinic and made an appointment.

Mickey went to the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, he laid his hand on Ian’s shoulder and said quietly “Ian, we need to take you to the clinic.” Ian didn’t react, his eyes were still closed, Mickey took a deep breath, stood up from the bed and went to the wardrobe, putting out some fresh clothes for the redhead.  
Ian exhaled loudly, opened his eyes, they were still red and teary, and breathed “You don’t need to do this, Mickey.”  
Mickey turned around, looked at him with raised eyebrows “Huh?”  
Ian sat up on the bed, closed his eyes, leaned his head back and said “It’s okay if you leave… I know you want to… It’s okay if you break up with me, you owe me nothing…”  
Mickey knitted his eyebrows and sighed, he walked back to Ian’s side, cupped his face with his hands, looked him deep in the eyes eyes and said “I won’t leave you. _I love you, Ian._ ” Mickey leaned his forehead against Ian’s and Ian laid his hand on Mickey’s. They looked each other in the eyes for a few seconds before Mickey softly said “Put on some fresh clothes, okay.”  
  
Mickey stepped out the bedroom, when he heard the doorbell ringing, he opened the door and his eyes met Fiona’s brown eyes, her glance was as worried as her voice sounded earlier on the phone. Fiona took a step up to Mickey and hugged him tightly, and Mickey hugged her back. When they let go Fiona said quietly “Thanks for calling.”  
Mickey just nodded, Fiona tried to hold back her tears, she needed to be strong, she was Ian’s big sister, she needed to be strong for him. Fiona walked in the apartment, Mickey nodded towards the bedroom and said “He's in there.”  
Fiona walked towards it and slowly opened the door. Ian was sitting on the edge of the bed, his face buried in his hands, that view broke her heart, Ian looked so lost and fragile.

“Hey sweet face, how you doin’?” she asked while she walked up to him.  
Ian wanted to cry, he was trying to cry the last couple of hours but it seemed like there weren't any tears left inside him, his eyes burned like fire, they didn't even feel like a part of his body anymore. He lifted his head and looked at his sister and saw that glance in Fiona's eyes, she was fucking worried. Ian didn't want her to be worried, her smile was so much more beautiful than her tears, but he couldn't make her smile, not at that moment, he was a fucking mess. Mickey would leave him and she was there to pick him up, taking him with her, he knew Mickey would leave him.

“Did he call you? Are you picking me up and bringing me home to you? Shit, he's really leaving me, isn't he?” Ian breathed, suddenly he felt like he wasn't able to breath anymore, he felt like he would drown.  
“No honey, no, Mickey won't leave you.” she sat beside him on the bed and wrapped her arm around him and caressed his shoulder. Ian knitted his eyebrows, turned his head and looked at Fiona's beautiful brown eyes. Fiona smiled softly at her little brother and said “Ian, he loves you.” Ian slowly nodded, somewhere deep in his mind he heard Mickey's voice _It'll always be you... I love you..._  
Fiona could see something like a little smile at the edge of Ian's lips, she gently brushed through his red hair. Ian looked down on his hands and whispered “I need to put on some fresh clothes.”  
Fiona smiled a little and said “Okay, I'll wait outside.”  
  
Fiona stepped out the bedroom and closed the door behind her, he leaned against the door for a few seconds, took a deep breath before she walked to the kitchen. Mickey was leaning at the window sill, staring out of the open window, a cigarette between his fingers. She stepped up to him, grabbed his cigarette and took a deep puff and handed it back to him.  
She breathed out the smoke “It’s been a long time since his last episode.”  
Fiona knitted her eyebrows and continued “The last time was when he got into that fight with his ex-boyfriend, John. He partied a lot, drank way too much, guess that messed with his meds, he had a _high_ high followed by a fucking _low_ low. I was really scared back then. We were really worried he would harm himself, so we decided to send him to the clinic again, he stayed there for three days. It broke my heart to left him there again, I was angry that I couldn’t do shit to help him.” Fiona wiped away a tear and exhaled loudly. Mickey knew it was fucking hard for her to see Ian like that, she already went through all of that shit with her mother.    
“Shit.” Mickey breathed “Didn’t know he was at the clinic for a second time. I thought his meds were adjusted pretty well.” But then Mickey remembered the story Ian told him about John, that that shit triggered an episode wasn't really much of a surprise.

They heard the bedroom door open and both turned around, Ian walked out of the room, slowly, he was pale and his eyes were red and had dark circles around them. Mickey forced a smile and walked up to him, he helped Ian to put on his jacket and they walked out of the apartment, down the stairs and got into Fiona’s car. The drive to the clinic was silent, Mickey had his hand wrapped around Ian, and Ian’s head leaned on Mickey’s shoulder.  
  
Ian went alone inside the room of his psychiatrist, Mickey and Fiona were waiting outside, it seemed to take hours ‘til the door opened again.  
The doctor stood in the door and smiled at Mickey “Come in.”  
Mickey quickly stood up and looked at Fiona, she nodded and smiled at him.  
  
“You are Ian’s boyfriend, right?” she asked, while they sat down, Mickey took the seat beside Ian.   
“Yeah.” Mickey nodded and darted his tongue out to wet his lips, he was kinda nervous what she would say next. Was it his fault?  
"Ian told me you guys live together, so I thought you should know about his new medication." she smiled softly at him.  
Mickey was relieved he expected that she would say it was his fault that Ian got that episode.  
Mickey smiled back at her and nodded "Okay."  
Ian looked at him and Mickey saw something like a small smile on his lips, he laid his hand on Ian's and interlaced their fingers.  
The psychiatrist explained the new medication, when and how much Ian needed to take, Mickey listened carefully, absorbed every word she said.  
Before they left the room she gave Mickey a card with her number and said "You can call me anytime." 

They went back outside, Fiona looked at Mickey, he nodded hardly noticeable to indicate that Ian could go home, that he didn't need to stay there. Fiona drove them home and Mickey promised to update her twice a day about Ian's condition. When they exited the car Mickey leaned back inside and said "Come by whenever you want. You can crash in Yevy's room."  
Fiona smiled at him and slowly nodded "Thanks Mickey."

Mickey called in sick at the bar, he didn't want to leave Ian alone, he wanted to be there for Ian though he probably didn't want Ian to be there. Mickey stayed home for two days, Ian was sleeping a lot, he barely eat and he hardly spoke with Mickey. On the third day Fiona came by and told Mickey he should go to work, she would look after her brother. It took a while ‘til Mickey agreed and went to work, he couldn't really concentrate on his job, his mind was still at home with Ian.

When he came home in the morning, he slowly opened the door to the bedroom, he saw that Fiona laid beside Ian. He smiled, closed the door and went to the bathroom to take a shower.  
After a long hot shower, he went to Yevy's room and laid down on his son’s bed. He closed his eyes, slowly drifting to sleep, he heard the door open, Mickey didn't open his eyes, he was too fucking tired.  
He felt a warm body slipping under his blanket and snuggling up behind him.  
"Morning." Ian breathed in Mickey's ear and placed a kiss on his neck.  
Mickey slowly opened his eyes, turned around to look at Ian, he looked better, the meds seemed to work, Mickey smiled a little at him "Hey...How you feeling?"  
Ian mirrored Mickey's smile, kissed him and breathed on his lips "Better."  
Ian cuddled up to Mickey and both of them fell asleep, snuggled up arm in arm, both men a smile on their faces.

Fiona woke up, Ian wasn't beside her, she jumped up the bed, went to the bathroom and kitchen, Ian wasn't there either, she started to panic. But then she saw Mickey's shoes and calmed down again, she walked up to Yevy's room and quietly opened the door and peeked inside. She saw Ian and Mickey cuddled up in Yevy's little bed, she smiled at that view. She closed the door and went to the kitchen, lighted a cigarette and took a deep puff. 

  
Two days before they wanted to go on vacation to Mexico Mickey called Ian's psychiatrist and asked if that trip would be a good idea. She said it should be no problem and the sun and the beach would be good for Ian. Mickey starred at his phone for a few minutes after he hung up. Ian walked to the kitchen and looked at Mickey with raised eyebrows "Something wrong?" Mickey slowly shook his head and his eyes wandered to the redhead and he said "You sure about the whole thing with Mexico? We can get there another time, if you don't…"  
Ian walked up to Mickey, stood in front of him, looked him in the eyes and said "I'm excited for that vacation since like the last three months. I want to bury my toes in the sand, jump into the waves and I want to fuck you on the beach."  
A smirk played on Ian's lips and he kissed Mickey.

 

"You were right." Ian smiled, looked from the sky to Mickey and leaned back on his hands. "Huh?" Mickey raised his eyebrows, he didn't know what the fuck Ian meant, he took another puff from his cigarette and stubbed it out in the sand.  
Ian looked back at the sky and said "The stars..."  
Mickey remembered what he said to Ian back then and finished his sentenced "...are different here... told you so..." He smiled at the redhead and Ian leaned towards Mickey and kissed him.  
Mickey pinned Ian with his body on the blanket in the sand, he bit down his bottom lip and Ian hummed into his mouth. Ian rolled over so that Mickey was under him, he pecked his mouth and went down from him and started to quickly shed his clothes.

Mickey leaned on his hands and watched Ian, the red head tossed his trunks on Mickey's head.  
“The fuck?” Mickey barked and pulled the trunks from his face.  
Ian laughed, started to run towards the ocean and shouted “Skinny dipping.”  
Mickey shook his head, but laughed, he started to undress and followed Ian into the ocean.  
Ian stood by a rock in the water, smiling at him, Mickey waded to him and clashed their lips together. Ian grabbed Mickey by the waist, turned him around and pressed him against the rock.  
"Bend over." he commanded and kissed Mickey's neck and back.  
"Ian, hurry up and get on me already." Mickey didn't care that it would probably hurt without any lube than fucking water, but he needed that so fucking bad. Ian didn't need to be told twice, he knew he had to be careful because the lack of lube, so he slowly glided in his cock inch by inch.  
Mickey exhaled loudly, enjoying that sweet sting Ian's dick caused in his ass.  
“You okay?” Ian breathed against Mickey's neck.  
Mickey bit down his bottom lip and nodded “Uhu.”  
Ian started his thrusts slowly and cautious, trying to keep Mickey's pain as small as possible.  
“Ian, come on.” Mickey breathed, he needed Ian to hurry up. Ian quickened his thrusts, Jesus fucking Christ he needed it fast and rough that night and he knew Mickey needed that too.  
Mickey panted and darted his tongue out to wet his lips “Fuck.”  
"You like that?" Ian breathed in Mickey’s ear and bit softly in his shoulder.  
Mickey moaned and bit down his bottom lip.  
Ian thrusts got deeper, harder, both men panting, the waves were breaking on their bodies. Mickey came with a huge groan, Ian followed a few seconds later with a moan in Mickey's neck.

Mickey turned around and kissed Ian, he bit his bottom lip and breathed on his lips "Marry me, Ian." Ian looked at him with wide eyes, Mickey was waiting for his answer but it didn’t came, instead Ian began to chuckle. Mickey knitted his eyebrows, he wanted to take his proposal back, he wanted to say that Ian should forget about that shit.  
“Fuck that shit.” Mickey snapped, looked down and chewed on his inner cheek. Ian put his finger under Mickey's chin and lifted his head up, he looked him in the eyes and said “Sorry Mick... it's just... I carry that fucking ring with me for quite a while...waiting for the perfect moment to ask you and now you fucking did.”  
Mickey raised his eyebrows and bit down his bottom lip before he breathed "What?"  
Ian smiled at him and asked "Mikhailo Alexandr Milkovich…uhm… sorry I mean Alexander William Turner will you marry me?"  
Mickey smiled from ear to ear, pressed a kiss on Ian’s lips and said "Fuck, yes."

_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_:_

“Look at you! You look fantastic, Mickey.” Felix whistled as he stepped out the door at the alley behind the Alibi, he saw Mickey walking nervously up and down the street with a cigarette between his fingers. Mickey startled at the voice of the other man, turned his head to look at him and flipped him off.  
“You nervous?” Felix laughed and walked up to Mickey, grabbed his cigarette and took a puff.  
“A little.” Mickey answered honestly, he stopped his steps, grabbed the cigarette back, took a last puff from it before he threw it on the ground and stubbed it out with his foot.

Felix took a step closer to arrange Mickey’s tie, he cupped Mickey’s face and said with a grin on his face “It’s not too late to run away.” Felix barked out a laugh, Mickey narrowed his eyes, but grinned, he was thankful that Felix tried to calm him down.  
“Nah man, that freckled bastard stole my heart, too late to run away.” Mickey said, blushed a little and bit down his bottom lip.  
“You totally should say that in your vow.” Felix smiled and laid his hand on Mickey’s shoulder and Mickey mirrored his smile.

The back door opened again, a woman with long black hair stepped out and said “Mickey, you look fantastic.”  
She had a bright smile on her face when she walked up to him and pulled him into a tight hug.  
Mickey hugged her back and said “Thanks Kathy.”   
Kathy arranged Mickey’s suit one last time, took Felix hand and the three of them walked towards the door.  
Felix walked behind Mickey and patted his shoulder “Time to marry the shit outta that red headed bastard.” Kathy glanced at Felix, shook slightly her head but smiled. Felix quickly said with a grin on his face “Sorry babe.” and pecked her cheek.

“You nervous?” Lip asked as he entered the room above the Alibi and saw Ian standing in front of the mirror arranging his suit.  
“I guess a little, yeah.” Ian said and forced a smile, Jesus he was fucking nervous and at the same time he was calm as fuck, he was going to marry Mickey.  
“You know, it’s still time to grab your shit and cancel that whole wedding and shit.” Lip laughed, Ian turned his head from the mirror to Lip and narrowed his eyes.  
“Quit that fucking shit Lip.” Ian said and slightly shook his head, he was sick of Lip talking shit about their wedding.  
“Jesus calm down, it was a joke.” Lip put his hands up in defense.  
“You know what isn’t funny? You ever.” Ian said and looked back at the mirror, nervously arranging his tie for the hundredth time.  
Lip stepped up to him and laid his hand on Ian’s shoulder and smiled “Sorry, man. I’m really happy for you guys, that you found your way back together and shit. I know Mickey’s the right man for you.”  
Ian looked in Lip’s eyes, he saw that his brother really meant what he said, Ian smiled at him and hugged him “Thanks, man.”  
  
“Look at you.” Fiona smiled when she opened the door and entered the room, she walked up to him and hugged her brother, when they let go Fiona wiped quickly away a tear.  
“You ready?” she asked and smiled at him.  
“Yeah let’s go.” Ian smiled and three of them left the room and walked down the stairs.

Ian entered the bar, Mickey and the other guests were already waiting for him, he saw Svetlana with Yevy by her side and Mandy was wiping away a tear.  
Kev and Veronica and their twins were smiling at him and Felix stood there with Kathy by his side and both of them brightly smiled at him.  
His family, Fiona, Lip, Debbi, Franny Carl and Liam were looking at him all of them a bright smile on their faces.  
Ian’s glance wandered to the man who was standing in front of all the guests.  
Mickey was nervously looking down on his hands, his head lifted up and his blue eyes met Ian’s green eyes.  
Within that second all their nervousness was gone, they were going to marry each other, the love of their goddamn lives.

Ian took a deep breath and walked up to Mickey and whispered “Hey.”  
Mickey smiled and whispered back “Hey.”

The officiant looked at them and smiled, Mickey nodded to indicate that he could start. The officiant took a breath before he began the ceremony.  
Ian and Mickey didn't really hear what he was talking, they looked each other in the eyes and everything else at the Alibi seemed to disappear.

“...Will you, as an expression that your hearts are joined together in love, now please join your hands.” Ian took Mickey’s hands in his and caressed them with his thumbs.  
“Ian Clayton Gallagher, do you take Alexander William Turner to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage.  
Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?”

Ian smiled at Mickey and said “I do.”

The officiant raised his voice again and looked at Mickey “Alexander William Turner, do you take Ian Clayton Gallagher to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage.  
Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?”

Mickey smiled at Ian and said “I do.”

Mickey grabbed Ian’s waist and pulled him closer, wanting to kiss his now husband, but Ian smiled and said “I prepared a vow.”  
Mickey darted his tongue out to wet his lips, shit he didn’t prepare a fucking vow.  
Ian took Mickey’s hands again and began “All that started with a stolen gun, Jesus back then I would have never guessed that you were gay.” Ian laughed.  
  
"I wasn't surprised." Kevin shouted from the back and winked at them. Mickey rolled his eyes but grinned.

Ian went on “I don’t know, I guess I fell in love with you from the very beginning. A lot of shit happened in our relationship: Your dad, Svetlana and Yevgeny.”  
Ian stopped and grinned at her, Svetlana raised a shot at them and Yevy chuckled.

Ian continued “Than you came out, in this bar in front of your relatives, in front of your dad … We beat the shit out of that bastard…” Ian grinned and Mickey started to laugh and slightly shook his head.

Ian cleared his throat “…but than my disease stroke, but you stayed with me. You took care of me… but things went to shit when the MP’s came and took me with them, they ripped us apart.  
You did something stupid after they took me away and then you were gone for almost 2 years... we saw each other just a couple of times… it was fucking hard.  
But you came back, when I heard your voice on that phone I knew it wasn’t over, I still loved you.  
We spent a few days together, but you left again, you had to and you wanted me to come with you, but I couldn’t.  
I regretted that decision every fucking single day…” Ian stopped for a second and took a deep breath, Mickey caressed Ian’s hand with his thumb and smiled at him.

Ian continued “I thought I would never see you again but we ran into each other at that restaurant and I still loved you, I always have and I always will. Alexander…” Ian needed to hold back a laugh cause of that name and Mickey grinned at him  
“…you are the love of my life. I love you.” Ian quickly blinked a few times, trying to stop the upcoming tears from falling down.  
  
Mickey ran his fingers over his eyes and smiled at the redhead. He didn’t prepare a fucking vow so he needed to improvise, he cleared his throat before he began “Jesus, when you stood there in my room armed with that crow bar, I never thought that it would end the way it did. First I tried to convince myself that I didn’t love you, I fought and denied my feelings for you a long time.  
I married a woman, got a child… than you left for the army, that was when I finally realized and accepted that I loved you, and that I was fucking gay.  
Our relationship was like a rollercoaster, ups and fucking downs. We put each other through hell, we went through so much shit.  
Nothing ever made me sadder and fucking happier than you." Ian slightly squeezed Mickey's hand and smiled at him.  
  
Mickey cleared his throat and went on "But my fucking vengefulness ripped us apart… we saw each other for just a few short times.  
Fuck I missed you so bad, so I decided to try my luck and come back.  
The days we had were awesome, I enjoyed every minute I spent with you, 'cause somehow I knew you wouldn’t come with me the whole way.  
I understood… I started a new life, a new job in an unknown place, it was hard, fucking hard, but I made it.  
I thought I would never see you again and every fucking single day I said to myself that you were better off without me.  
I tried so hard to get over you and somehow I did, at least I thought I did.  
I found someone new…” Mickey stopped and looked at Felix, Felix had a bright smile on his face.

Mickey mirrored his smile and continued “Thanks to that asshole I came back to Chicago.  
I had totally other plans for my future, 'til we ran into each other at that restaurant.  
I really thought I was over you, but then I looked into your beautiful green eyes and I knew I was fucking wrong.  
I still loved you … I always have… And I always fucking will. I love you, you freckled fuck.” Mickey grinned and pulled Ian close to finally kiss his husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading .... I hope you guys enjoyed my story... :)  
> I had really fun writing it and I think the end is what they deserve... they deserve to be finally happy TOGETHER... ♥
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. My next story will be up soon, it'll be an AU based on my favorite book. It'll be very different, dark and sad...


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